...and the return of Fanork
From: Penni Baker [mailto:pennibaker@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, February 08, 2010 9:17 AM
Subject: Fence Order
Dear Sir /Madam
On 2-8-10, Penni Baker wrote:
My name is Penni Baker and am interested in some chain link fence.I need a Quote on size 6 feet high x 11 gauge , no poles and gates,only materials.I will much appreciate if you get back to me with the total pick up cost for 3000 feet and also advice if u accept credit card for payment ...Wish you all the best in business and hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Penni Baker.
On 2-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Ms. Baker,
Your email was forwarded to me. My company is Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co.
Please consider this your quote:
3000' - 11 gauge x 72" chain link fence (GAW) @ $3.85 per running foot is $11,550.00 excluding shipping.
You asked for material only and no gates, hinges, poles, caps, wire, trent, scrum, flat-P, or fanork. Please keep in mind that we have all accessories in stock and ready to ship.
We take all major credit cards.
Hoping to hear from you soon, I am respectfully,
Virgil Wilcox
On 2-8-10, Penni Baker wrote:
Subject: Need freight quuote to proceed
I am glad to see your email with the quote and l am alright with it .I would like to recommend a freight company for the pickup. Actually am shipping the Fence to Ghana to an orphanage home and will like to know the shipping cost before I go ahead and arrange for the payment .I will like you to contact this freight company for the pickup West End Shipping Cargo (wshippingcargo@yahoo.com) And tell them you are shipping Fence of the size and total weight XXX and it is going to the address below:
save soul orphanage home
Ring Road Central
Accra-Ghana-00233
The Shipping Company will also handle the packaging and crating also include your Pickup Location Address and they will surely get back to you with the freight quote.As soon as they get back to you with the freight quote,notify me via email with the subtotal cost of the order plus the shipping quote so that I can finalize the order with my credit card .Waiting to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Penni Baker.
On 2-8-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Sir,
I believe you may know Penni Baker, as you have come highly recommended by her.
Please note the information below regarding the shipping of fence to Ghana.
Here is the information you need from me:
Number of pallets: 4
Size of pallets: 42" x 42" x 38" high
Color of pallets: Blue
Weight of each pallet: 1,500 lbs.
Address of Pick-up location:
Phlegm Industrial Park
836 Prime Color Blvd.
Grape Jelly, MN 55705
I will need a price quote right away.
Thank you,
Virgil Wilcox
On 2-8-10, the “shipper” wrote:
From: West End Shipping Cargo [mailto:wshippingcargo@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, February 08, 2010 12:35 PM
To: Vladdio
Subject: FREIGHT QUOTE FROM USA TO ACCRA-GHANA Ref # : A12DAk000256
Attn :Manager WEST END SHIPPING CARGO Ref # : A12DAk000256
Serial # :Gk207 Date : 02/8th/2010
ATTENTION: Virgil Wilcox
Dear Customer,
Thank you for your interest in using West End Shipping Cargo for your shipping needs and services.
Since we are going to pick up Chain Link Fence on 4 pallets Size of pallets: 42" x 42" x 38" high .Color of pallets: Blue .Each pallet Weight : 1,500 lbs.Total Weight 6,000 lbs
Pick up from:
Phlegm Industrial Park
836 Prime Color Blvd.
Grape Jelly, MN 55705
Delivery to:
Save Soul Orphanage Home
Ring Road Central
Accra-Ghana -00233
The total freight cost is going to be $ 6,550.50 US Dollars including international airway taxes( I.A.T) , Tarrifs and custom's clearance duties . It takes approximately 3 to 4 days for delivery from the time of pick-up.
Insurance: upon request we can offer all risk insurance if you advise the value you want to use for insurance. Most insure for the value of the goods plus freight costs +25%=amount to use to quote insurance premium. Insurance is optional. The routing on this is all cargo freighter from USA to Accra. Transit time is 3-4 days from date of pick up.
Regard is our payment options ( Bank Transfer , Western Union and Money Gram Transfer ) payment has to be made by the Pickup address thus the address where the Unit will be picked up.So if you want us to start preparing for your paper work and have your information on our Data,Request for the payment Information so once its been done you can have your Invoice.
Note: This rate is subject to change if the dims change or the actual weight exceeds the volume weight. Also the fuel surcharge is trending up these days.We need to receive payment as soon as possible for us to start documentation for the shipment and have your company in your system for the Pick up when ever the Units are ready for pick up. You can give us all inquiries via email since it will be convenient for our records and don't hesitate to contact us if you need any more assistance
NOTE: WEST END SHIPPING CARGO ACCEPT PAYMENT ONLY FROM PICKUP LOCATIONS/YOUR LOCATION.
Thanks in Advance
Freight & Logistics manager
Mr.Mena William...............
On 2-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Penni,
Please see the quote from the shipping company included in this email.
Their total shipping cost is $6,550.50.
It's not my place to say, but I believe there are other companies that may offer better rates. Especially since this order will be going to an orphanage. I know of a shipping company out of Blue Polyp, Georgia that could beat West End's price by 15%.
Also, if you haven't ordered razor wire to top off the fence, please note that we carry it. With our razor wire you never need fear that any of the children would ever escape. You would only lose one or two ambitious young run-aways shredded on this fence to deter any other attempts.
Please let me know. It's $4.00 per foot.
Thank you,
Virgil
On 2-8-10, Penni Baker wrote:
I am glad to see your email,And what I would like you to know is the shipping company is the shipping company is the shipping company have been using for my shipment and am alright with their cost as well as their shipment so I would like you to calculate the total cost both the cost for the order and the cost for the shipping and email me back so that I can proceed with the payment .Hope to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Penni Baker
On 2-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Penni,
Material Cost: $11,550.00
Shipping Costs: $6,550.50
Your total cost is $18,100.50
Please excuse my next attempt at "cross-selling" but I would be reprimanded by my superiors for not trying to sell you something else.
Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co. has a sister company which sells SUN SCREEN. Being as this fence order is going to Ghana, I imagine that a lot of sun screen is used there. I can get you a 55 gallon barrel of our best selling sunscreen, "The Blister-Blaster" for only $1,760.00. AND I'll throw in 5 gallons of genuine Backwoods Georgian Moonshine free! (My own pappy makes it. It'll take the rust right off of an anchor, it you decide not to drink it.)
Please consider this offer.
Thank you,
Virgil
On 2-8-10, Penni Baker wrote:
I am glad to see your email once again ,Well I need your contact phone number were by I can reach you to proceed with the payment.Hope to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Penni Baker.
On 2-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Penni,
I'm afraid I'm forbidden to give out my phone number to customers who order less than $13,000.00 worth of product.
The owner, Mr. Zanzibar Orangestump, saves money in every way he can. And he insists that all of his sales people use email exclusively since it is free to use. I was hoping that you might buy some Sun Screen. In that way I could maybe convince him to let me use the phone. Now, instead, I will probably be beaten about the face. But don't worry. I'm used to it. And besides, it's my own fault. I should have given you a higher price for the fence at the outset. It's just that I had a sister named Penni and I once worked for a baker and - I know it sounds dumb - I felt a certain connection to you. My sister died in a freak bowling accident. I still grieve.
Please let me know the payment arrangements.
Thank you,
Virgil
On 2-14-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Penni,
I understand if you do not wish to order other product.
When will you get us the payment information for the rest of the order to be processed.
Thank you.
Virgil
On 2-15-10, Penni Baker wrote:
I am glad to see your email,I would be making the full payment with my credit card for the amount of $18,100.50 .And have contact a new fence company regarding my order and if you will like you to proceed with me kindly advise me back with your contact phone number so that I can call you to make the payment.
Regards,
Penni Baker.
On 2-15-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Penni,
Thank you so much for getting back to me with your order.
Mr. Orangestump was so angry with me for not closing the sale right away that he beat me with a candlestick. It nearly ripped off one of my ears. But that's not why I can't give your our telephone number. It's because you didn't order $13,000 worth of material.
If you could please, PLEASE! order at least $1,450.00 of something else from me, I could surely speak to you on the phone. How about some fanork?
I can double the amount of fanork for the same price: $1,500.00
Please write back to me and say in your email that you would really like to order 50 gallons of FANORK. (I'll make sure you get 100 gallons!)
If you do this, the total will be $13,050.00. Then the order can go through, I can speak to you over the phone, and Mr. Orangestump might not hit me again.
Thank you.
Virgil
On 2-15-10, Penni Baker wrote:
I would really like to order 50 gallons of the fanork and what I would also like you to know is the order is an urgent order and what will be the total weight plus the 50 gallons on the fanork.Thank you.
On 2-15-10, Vladdio wrote:
Ms. Penni Baker,
It has come to my attention that one of our employees, Virgil Wilcox, arranged to ship you 100 gallons of fanork for the price of 50 gallons ($1,500).
I have long suspected that Mr. Wilcox has been making special sale prices to customers without the consent of his superiors. Please note that here at Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co. we regard such behavior as shady at best. And accessories to this criminal activity are beneath our contempt, and are liable for prosecution.
I am not accusing you of being that accessory. However I need to know from you that you expect to receive only 50 gallons of fanork.
Please state in you response email that you ordered only 50 gallons of fanork and you never intended to receive more than the amount ordered.
You will, herein, be dealing with me personally. Mr. Wilcox is even now being escorted to the police station for questioning. (Actually, he is first making a stop at the hospital. It seems that he fell down two flights of stairs earlier today and nearly ripped off his own ear.)
Thank you for your help in this matter.
Zanzibar Orangestump
President, Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co.
On 2-15-10, Penni Baker wrote:
Let me know if you would like to help em with the order or not and if yes get back to me with your contact phone number so that I can proceed with the payment.Hope to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Baker.
On 2-15-10, Vladdio wrote:
Ms. Baker,
As much as I would hate losing a sale, I must first have your word that you are not complicit in the possible theft of an additional 50 gallons of fanork.
Once you have stated that with certainty in your response email I will be happy to give you our office phone number. In fact I would be glad to hear from you directly and I will give you my personal phone number.
Therefore, please state that you are not involved in a conspiracy to steal 50 gallons of fanork.
Zanzibar Orangestump
President, Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co.
On 2-16-10, Penni Baker wrote:
Am no more interesting in ordering nay thing from your company so DO NOT email me again.Thank you.
On 2-16-10, Vladdio wrote:
Ms. Baker,
I have contracted with a private investigator who is now looking into this matter. I have also been in touch with the authorities regarding bringing criminal charges against my former employee, Virgil Wilcox, as well as others who might have been involved.
I suggest that you get legal representation for yourself as this may become uncomfortable for all parties concerned.
Off the record (my own lawyer would not want me telling you this), Virgil Wilcox has implicated you in several instances of fraud, deceit, and theft over the past 3 years. By my reckoning, you may have been in receipt of nearly $200,000 worth of stolen merchandise.
I will be in touch with you soon.
Zanzibar Orangestump
President, Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co.
On 2-18-10, Vladdio wrote:
Ms. Baker,
I'll need to know your exact address.
Zanzibar Orangestump
President, Vladdio Indestructible Fence Co.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Didn't I Answer That Question 3 Times?
...wait (frustration) .... Never mind.
From: allen lawrence [mailto:allenstore1@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, February 08, 2010 3:36 PM
Cc: recipient list not shown:
Subject: General Enquiry
On 2-8-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
GOOD DAY AM I ALLEN LAWRENCE I WOULD LIKE TO GET SOME PRICING ON THE BELOW PART NBR, AND ALSO LET ME KNOW HOW SOON THEY CAN BE SHIP TO TN 38040 VIA(UPS/FEDEX)
INK ET CARTRIDGES PART:
HP # 23 OEM HP-#C1823D ...36 QTY
HP # 78 OEM HP-#C6578DN ...36 QTY
HP # 17 OEM HP-#6625AN ...36 QTY
GET BACK TO ME WITH THE ACCEPTABLE CREDIT CARDS
URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED
On 2-11-10, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Mr. Lawrence,
Thank you for your interest in our Ink Cartridges.
Here is the pricing you requested:
HP # 23 OEM HP-#C1823D @ $12.75 each x 36 QTY = $459.00
HP # 78 OEM HP-#C6578DN @ $14.95 each x 36 QTY = $538.20
HP # 17 OEM HP-#6625AN @ $19.25 each x 36 QTY = $693.00
Your total cost is $1,690.20.
They can ship out to you immediately upon receipt of your payment.
Tremor Lamplighter
Sales Associate
On 2-14-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Lawrence,
I've been instructed to tell you that the prices I gave you in my last email are negotiable.
Please confirm receipt of this email.
Thank you.
Tremor
On 2-22-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Lawrence,
Perhaps it would be best if I sent you one of our catalogues.
Please forward me your mailing address.
Thank you.
Tremor
On 3-4-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
many thanks for the mail, i want the oem price i mean original price for the ink jet cartridges pls call for that now and get back to me with the acceptable credit cards
urgent response needed
regards
allen
On 3-5-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
am still waiting to here back from you today
regards
On 3-5-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Allen,
Thank you for allowing me to address you by your first name. And please call me "Tremor". My wife's name is Sally and we have eight children: Garth, Bio, Scar, Yam, Weasel, Hat-Trick, Red-eye, and Q-and-A. I know you didn't ask for this information but I feel it's good for new business associates to know a little about each other. What are your children's names?
Here again are our prices:
HP # 23 OEM HP-#C1823D @ $12.75 each x 36 QTY = $459.00
HP # 78 OEM HP-#C6578DN @ $14.95 each x 36 QTY = $538.20
HP # 17 OEM HP-#6625AN @ $19.25 each x 36 QTY = $693.00
Your total cost is $1,690.20.
I can discount these by 1.5%.
We take all major credit cards. Which one do you prefer to use?
Tremor
On 3-8-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
THANKS FOR THE MAIL. LET ME HAVE PRICES FOR HP OEM ORIGINAL CARTRIDGE
On 3-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
$19.25 each
I have a dog named Lefty and a cat named Mr. Snot. Do you have any pets?
Tremor
On 3-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Allen,
I am waiting for your ordering information
Tremor
From: allen lawrence [mailto:allenstore1@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, February 08, 2010 3:36 PM
Cc: recipient list not shown:
Subject: General Enquiry
On 2-8-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
GOOD DAY AM I ALLEN LAWRENCE I WOULD LIKE TO GET SOME PRICING ON THE BELOW PART NBR, AND ALSO LET ME KNOW HOW SOON THEY CAN BE SHIP TO TN 38040 VIA(UPS/FEDEX)
INK ET CARTRIDGES PART:
HP # 23 OEM HP-#C1823D ...36 QTY
HP # 78 OEM HP-#C6578DN ...36 QTY
HP # 17 OEM HP-#6625AN ...36 QTY
GET BACK TO ME WITH THE ACCEPTABLE CREDIT CARDS
URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED
On 2-11-10, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Mr. Lawrence,
Thank you for your interest in our Ink Cartridges.
Here is the pricing you requested:
HP # 23 OEM HP-#C1823D @ $12.75 each x 36 QTY = $459.00
HP # 78 OEM HP-#C6578DN @ $14.95 each x 36 QTY = $538.20
HP # 17 OEM HP-#6625AN @ $19.25 each x 36 QTY = $693.00
Your total cost is $1,690.20.
They can ship out to you immediately upon receipt of your payment.
Tremor Lamplighter
Sales Associate
On 2-14-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Lawrence,
I've been instructed to tell you that the prices I gave you in my last email are negotiable.
Please confirm receipt of this email.
Thank you.
Tremor
On 2-22-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Lawrence,
Perhaps it would be best if I sent you one of our catalogues.
Please forward me your mailing address.
Thank you.
Tremor
On 3-4-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
many thanks for the mail, i want the oem price i mean original price for the ink jet cartridges pls call for that now and get back to me with the acceptable credit cards
urgent response needed
regards
allen
On 3-5-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
am still waiting to here back from you today
regards
On 3-5-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Allen,
Thank you for allowing me to address you by your first name. And please call me "Tremor". My wife's name is Sally and we have eight children: Garth, Bio, Scar, Yam, Weasel, Hat-Trick, Red-eye, and Q-and-A. I know you didn't ask for this information but I feel it's good for new business associates to know a little about each other. What are your children's names?
Here again are our prices:
HP # 23 OEM HP-#C1823D @ $12.75 each x 36 QTY = $459.00
HP # 78 OEM HP-#C6578DN @ $14.95 each x 36 QTY = $538.20
HP # 17 OEM HP-#6625AN @ $19.25 each x 36 QTY = $693.00
Your total cost is $1,690.20.
I can discount these by 1.5%.
We take all major credit cards. Which one do you prefer to use?
Tremor
On 3-8-10, Allen Lawrence wrote:
THANKS FOR THE MAIL. LET ME HAVE PRICES FOR HP OEM ORIGINAL CARTRIDGE
On 3-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
$19.25 each
I have a dog named Lefty and a cat named Mr. Snot. Do you have any pets?
Tremor
On 3-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Allen,
I am waiting for your ordering information
Tremor
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Proof Again That Death Is a Good Motivator
...way ahead of Rare Skin Diseases.
From: John Freeman [mailto:freemandan00@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:43 AM
Subject: baby walkers Inquiry
On 2-2-10, John Freeman wrote:
Hello
With regards to your company am John Freeman and am sending you this mail regards to some baby walkers i want to order from you company , So i will like you to get back to me with the types of baby walkers you have and their prices also i will like to know if you do accept credit card payment. Please Advise.
John Freeman
John & Son Co Ltd.
On 2-4-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Thank you for your interest in our Baby Walkers.
Fungal-Foot Magic Baby Walkers has been the premier baby walker manufacturer in the US since 1773. We pride ourselves on quality, price, and longevity. In 237 years of uninterrupted baby walker production we are proud to say that while our competitors have diluted themselves with dozens and dozens of varieties of baby walkers, we have only one. It is the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker.
In 1773, Jedediah Fungal and Gilchrist Foot founded the Fungal-Foot Company with the dream and intention of ridding the colonies of the seditious bastardly Tories while producing a simple way for babies to learn to walk. Thus was formed our company. It wasn't until almost 200 years later, in 1970, that Boswell Magic joined the company and introduced the concept of sanding the splinters and rough or sharp edges off of the walkers.
Pricing is as follows:
Quantity for orders of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker
1 - $155.00
All other quantities: Multiply the desired amount by $155
I truly - in my heart of hearts - believe you will require 2 dozen units. Your price is $3,720.00 excluding shipping.
Yes we take credit cards.
Thank you.
Sanchez Avocado
Director of Sales
On 2-10-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Are you still interested in our baby walkers?
Sanchez
On 2-11-10, John Freeman wrote:
Hello
Thank you for your mail , well i will like to order 60 pieces of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker @ $155.00 , so please kindly get back to me with the total pick-up price on that including sales tax.
Hope to read from you soon.
On 2-11-10, Vladdiowrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Thank you for your order.
60 pieces of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker @ $155 each is a total of $9,300.00
As you may know taxation without representation is tyranny and since you are not represented in this state (Massachusetts), it would be tyrannical if you were taxed. Consequently: NO TAX FOR YOU!
Please note that with every 20 piece order we include FREE 1 (one) "Captain William Smith Home Tar and Feathering Kit". You will receive 3 (three).
Please let us know the shipping address ASAP.
The Pick-up address is:
1765 Stamp Act Drive
Smallpox, MA 02535
Sanchez
On 2-12-10, John Freeman wrote:
Hello
I'm sending you this email in regards to the pick up and delivery and that is, i once work with a freight company that will be picking up the Walkers From your company and have them shipped to my new company which is located in Thailand .These Freight company are very affordable,faster and reliable and bellow are the necessary information the freight needed to provide the freight quote.
Name : Overseas Express Shipping Company Limited
Contact Name : Capt McCoy
Contact Email address : Overseas.shipping@rock.com
And the information that the shipping company will request in order to provide you with the shipping charges is
1. The full pick up location Address
2. The size and Quantity of the Walkers to be picked up and shipped
3..The shipping address
And the address were i need the Walkers to be shipped is below
Shipping Address :
Jack Machinery & More Co Ltd
Street Address: 87 Soi Navin , Chua Phloeng Rd.,
City :Chongnonsi,
State : Yannawa Bangkok
Zipcode : 10120
Country : Thailand
Don't Hesitate to contact me back with the total cost plus freight cost so that we can proceed from there .Waiting for your immediate response.
On 2-12-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Captain McCoy,
Included in this email please find the shipping information for "Baby walkers".
The parcel will be prepared for shipping on one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high.
The weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet).
The customer, John Freeman, has been diagnosed with a rare skin disease and probably doesn't have long to live. Therefore I need your information in order to process his payment prior to his imminent demise. Time is of the essence.
Thank you.
Sanchez Avocado
Director of Sales
On 2-14-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
I haven't heard back from your shipper yet. If you have any influence over him please avail yourself. I'd like to get this order wrapped up as soon as possible.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-16-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will like you to contact them once again and then send me a copy to my mail thanks.
On 2-16-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Captain McCoy,
Mr. John Freeman asked that I contact you again for pricing for a shipment of baby walkers.
Please see the relevant information below.
Also, here is what I can tell you regarding the shipment:
The parcel will be prepared for shipping on one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high.
The weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet).
I'm not sure why you failed to respond previously with pricing. I suspect that either stupidity or laziness is at play here. Please don't let this happen again. John Freeman is a dear friend of mine besides being a valued customer. Adding that to the fact that John lives out each day of his life in misery, I am impatient with other people, such as yourself, who cause him more grief. John is even now undergoing a radical medical procedure which may help extend his life by a few months. On the other hand, it may kill him. Whichever of these two outcomes, one thing is for sure. His days as 2nd bassoonist for the San Diego Philharmonic are over.
Now please get the shipping costs to me immediately.
Thank you.
Sanchez Avocado
Director of Sales
On 2-18-10, John Freeman wrote:
What kind of mail is that have i told you am sick?
On 2-18-10, Vladdio wrote:
Calm down, John,
I always deal with shippers this way.
I have found that shippers give more attention and urgency if you tell them that the customer is very sick and possibly dying. Just wait and see. This Captain McCoy will not only get back quickly with the prices, he'll also give you BETTER prices. It's the sympathy. He'll feel sorry for you and lower his rates. I guarantee it.
The only bad thing about this strategy is that you may have to actually fake being sick if you ever meet him in person. If you find yourself in this predicament, just contact me. I know a way of causing projectile vomiting by using some baking soda, oil of cloves, and dog urine. It works every time. And the good thing is that you'll never have to meet him again.
Let me know as soon as he gets the costs to you.
We're ready to ship now.
Sanchez
On 2-19-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will like you to get back to me as soon as you get a mail from the shippers so that i can proceed with payment
On 2-19-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
I haven't heard from your shipper yet and that's very surprising to me.
Serious illnesses, however phony, tend to cause these shippers to move faster. That hasn't happened. It's quite unusual. I may have to resort to a "death-bed estimate request scenario".
In this scenario I'll need you to contact the shipper and tell him that you will probably not survive the day. You'll want to say that your widow, who is both blind and incontinent, will be handling your affairs after your death. Tell him that you hate to put this kind of burden on her because she is also bi-polar and has several personality disorders including pyromania. Tell him that if she is arrested again she will not be able to complete our transaction and that he will surely lose the sale. This gives him a few reasons to give you your costs very rapidly.
Let me know what happens.
On the other hand, do you want me to contact him again?
Sanchez
On 2-22-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will like you to contact them once again but this time contact them better so that they can get back to me with the quote then i can proceed with payment.
On 2-22-10, Vladdio wrote:
Not a problem, John. I know exactly what to say.
Sanchez
On 2-22-10, John Freeman wrote:
Okay contact them now and get back to me with a contact number so that i can call to proceed with payment.
On 2-22-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Captain McCoy,
It is with great regret that I must inform you of the death of John Freeman.
John Freeman was a dear friend of mine, a devoted father, an occasionally faithful husband, a master pastry baker, and a champion shuffle-board player.
But his true passion was taking care of the children at the Freeman Center at St. Jezebel's School for Unwed Mothers in Bangkok, Thailand. I know the newspapers have not been kind to his reputation and have accused him of - among many other things - fathering most of the children there, and white slavery. But I can assure you that none of the children were white. And I know he was very fond of the young women there and everywhere else in the world. He was filled with love and shared that love whenever he could... as long as his wife didn't find out.
I don't believe we can allow his legacy to fade away just because he is dead. He would have wanted the Baby-Walkers to be shipped and he would have wanted YOU to be the shipper.
Please, Captain McCoy, I believe you would be the perfect shipper and I know you are the real McCoy. Please let me know the shipping cost for this parcel. Here again is the information you need:
"The parcel will be prepared for shipping on one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high.
The weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet)."
I need these costs right away. Think of the poor children who are, even now, walker-less.
Thank you for your speedy attention.
Sanchez Avocado
Friend of John Freeman, and Executor of His Will
On 2-22-10, the "Shipper" wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: Overseas Shipping Co Ltd [mailto:overseas.shipping@rock.com]
Subject: Shipping Estimate.
Dear Customer,
Thank you for Contatcting Overseas Shipping Co, for your shipping needs.
We checked on shipping for one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high the weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet) .
Picking it up at your location to Thailand,And its going to cost $6,500.00.That includes international airway taxes ( I.A.T), Tarrifs and custom's clearance duties. It takes approximately 5-7 days for delivery from the day of pick-up.
Pick up address below:
U.S.A
To:
Jack Machinery & More Co Ltd
Street Address: 87 Soi Navin , Chua Phloeng Rd.,
City :Chongnonsi,
State : Yannawa Bangkok
Zipcode : 10120
Country : Thailand
Payment made : Pick-up location only.
Thank you for choosing Overseas Shipping Co for your shipping needs..
Thanks in Advance
Captain Mc Coy -
Int. Shipping Depart
Overseas Shipping Co
On 2-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
See, I told you the shipper would get back with the costs.
And I don't know what it should cost to send 60 baby-walkers and 3 "Tar and Feathering Kits" to Thailand but $6,500 sounds very reasonable to me.
The only problem now is that they believe you're dead. Sorry about that. But it was necessary. I think the shipper must be a total asshole and a complete moron, but still, you'll have to be careful. I think that if you need to contact them directly you should use an alias. DON'T USE THE NAME, JOHN FREEMAN. Instead maybe you'll want to call yourself SALLY DALRYMPLE or CHLAMYDIA PERTUSSIS. Put your choice of names in the next email you send to me. (I won't charge you for the name. That's the kind of guy I am.)
Just tell them that you're John's illegitimate daughter. They don't need to know more than that.
So now you have all of the costs. Please the send payment information right away. There's a rumor going around here that our prices may be changing. I'll do what I can to keep your prices the same but I can't guarantee it. You must hurry.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-23-10, John Freeman wrote:
Get back to me with a contact number so that i can call tp proceed payment.
On 2-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
I'm sorry to have to tell you that I cannot give your a phone number. Maybe I should have explained this to you from the outset but Fungal-Foot Magic Baby Walkers is an exclusively hearing impaired company.
In order for us to qualify for Federal Disability Enterprise Zone Grants, 100% of our employees must be completely deaf. And we are.
All communication with anyone here must be done visually or via email.
If you ever get a chance to visit our facility, I think you'll find one of the quietest companies in the world. Or at least, that's what I've been told. I wouldn't know.
Please send ALL of your payment information by email.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-23-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will need to talk to someone.
On 2-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
John,
Your email has a ring of condescension and superiority to it.
Do not think less of people with a hearing disability, John. We are as capable as anyone else in communicating. We just do it differently. For us EMAILING is talking.
If your own prejudices get in the way of business, that's your problem, not ours.
If you cannot function as a polite representative of the "hearing" world, we would rather not have to deal with you.
If on the other hand, you take advantage of the truly great prices I've been quoting you AND overcome your own bigotry, you will not only start being opened minded, but also you would become an emissary of Jesus.
So what's it going to be, John? Continue with the order? Or succumb to personal stupidity?
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Okay send me a mail with the total cost as soon as you get to the office so that i can provide my credit card for the payment.
On 2-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
As I thought might happen, we just had a price change. I did everything I could to keep this from effecting you but it did.
The new price for the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker is $130 each and NOT $155 as previously quoted.
I apologize for whatever inconvenience this may cause.
Apparently this new price is a result of a class action law suit settlement. It seems that our baby walkers have been implicated in several thousand fires over the past 25 years. The type of wood used (since 1985) in manufacturing (Incendiary Oak) along with a particular ingredient in the secret finishing formula we use (Ignitonium) occasionally result in fiery babies. Up until recently, Spontaneous Human Combustion had been thought to be the cause. Fortunately our lawyers kept our company from closing down completely. The governor realized that closing a plant like ours would put almost 2 dozen people out of work and the effect on the community at large (Massachusetts) would be devastating. Therefore it was agreed that we would lower our prices by $25 and add a warning sticker on the underside of each baby walker. This was the terms of the settlement.
What this means to you is this:
60 pieces of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker @ $130 each is a total of $7,800.00 (NOT $9,300.00). You save $1,500!
Shipping via Overseas Shipping Co. to Thailand is $6,500 (This remains the same, although you might have SALLY DALRYMPLE contact Captain McCoy for some more negotiating.)
Total: $14,300 (NOT $15,800.00)
I hope that you don't cancel your order because of a few fires. In my opinion, children can learn a lot about fire, smoke inhalation, 1st degree burns, and skin grafts by dealing with them at an early age.
I await your payment information.
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Thank you for your mail , well i will like to know if i can provide you with my credit card information for the total payment of the walkers and the shipping so that you can handle all on my behave and also thanks for the prices change
On 2-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
I'm glad to see that you are unperturbed by the mental image of a few thousand smoking baby carcasses. Someone with a weaker stomach or higher morals might have called the whole thing off.
Of course I can handle the shipping for you. I understand completely that you wouldn't want Captain McCoy to know that you are still alive. And in a small way, I do feel slightly responsible for the deception.
Please send me what I need to know to proceed with this transaction.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Subject: Payment Information.
Hello
Thank you for your and i appreciate the way you have handled my order , well i have provided below the my card full information for the total payment of the units as well as the shipping also the card has a limit of $ 3000 and as soon as it get approved you put the same amount on it till you get the total payment and also email me with a reciept as soon as all payment is made.
Name : John Freeman
Street : P.O. Box xxxx
Postcode : 82073
City : Laramie
State : Wyoming
Country : United States
CC Number : 54xx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
CVV2 : xxx
Date Expire : 09/10
Hope to read from you soon.
On 2-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
John,
Do you mean to say that you expect me to run this credit card 5 (FIVE!) times!!
Who the hell do you think you're dealing with? A goddamned candy store?!!
We presently have over 80,000 customers worldwide and 35% of them regularly pay by credit card. And ALL of them have credit limits in excess of $250,000. And you're telling me that your credit limit is $3000!!
I can't believe I've been wasting my time dealing with a complete amateur! You must be tin-plated asshole! I'm probably going to fired for this.
It's times like these that I'm glad I'm deaf so I won't have to hear my fellow sales associates guffaw about what a schlemiel I've been!
I'll tell you what, Mr. John "Super-Putz" Freeman, take your goddamned credit card, fold it in half, and shove it straight up your ass! Do this 5 (FIVE!) times and maybe on the last time you'll get a receipt!
I don't believe this is happening to me.
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Okay goahead and put all the charges on it.
On 2-25-10, John Freeman wrote:
Please cancel the order and dont try running my card.
.
From: John Freeman [mailto:freemandan00@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 3:43 AM
Subject: baby walkers Inquiry
On 2-2-10, John Freeman wrote:
Hello
With regards to your company am John Freeman and am sending you this mail regards to some baby walkers i want to order from you company , So i will like you to get back to me with the types of baby walkers you have and their prices also i will like to know if you do accept credit card payment. Please Advise.
John Freeman
John & Son Co Ltd.
On 2-4-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Thank you for your interest in our Baby Walkers.
Fungal-Foot Magic Baby Walkers has been the premier baby walker manufacturer in the US since 1773. We pride ourselves on quality, price, and longevity. In 237 years of uninterrupted baby walker production we are proud to say that while our competitors have diluted themselves with dozens and dozens of varieties of baby walkers, we have only one. It is the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker.
In 1773, Jedediah Fungal and Gilchrist Foot founded the Fungal-Foot Company with the dream and intention of ridding the colonies of the seditious bastardly Tories while producing a simple way for babies to learn to walk. Thus was formed our company. It wasn't until almost 200 years later, in 1970, that Boswell Magic joined the company and introduced the concept of sanding the splinters and rough or sharp edges off of the walkers.
Pricing is as follows:
Quantity for orders of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker
1 - $155.00
All other quantities: Multiply the desired amount by $155
I truly - in my heart of hearts - believe you will require 2 dozen units. Your price is $3,720.00 excluding shipping.
Yes we take credit cards.
Thank you.
Sanchez Avocado
Director of Sales
On 2-10-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Are you still interested in our baby walkers?
Sanchez
On 2-11-10, John Freeman wrote:
Hello
Thank you for your mail , well i will like to order 60 pieces of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker @ $155.00 , so please kindly get back to me with the total pick-up price on that including sales tax.
Hope to read from you soon.
On 2-11-10, Vladdio
Dear Mr. Freeman,
Thank you for your order.
60 pieces of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker @ $155 each is a total of $9,300.00
As you may know taxation without representation is tyranny and since you are not represented in this state (Massachusetts), it would be tyrannical if you were taxed. Consequently: NO TAX FOR YOU!
Please note that with every 20 piece order we include FREE 1 (one) "Captain William Smith Home Tar and Feathering Kit". You will receive 3 (three).
Please let us know the shipping address ASAP.
The Pick-up address is:
1765 Stamp Act Drive
Smallpox, MA 02535
Sanchez
On 2-12-10, John Freeman wrote:
Hello
I'm sending you this email in regards to the pick up and delivery and that is, i once work with a freight company that will be picking up the Walkers From your company and have them shipped to my new company which is located in Thailand .These Freight company are very affordable,faster and reliable and bellow are the necessary information the freight needed to provide the freight quote.
Name : Overseas Express Shipping Company Limited
Contact Name : Capt McCoy
Contact Email address : Overseas.shipping@rock.com
And the information that the shipping company will request in order to provide you with the shipping charges is
1. The full pick up location Address
2. The size and Quantity of the Walkers to be picked up and shipped
3..The shipping address
And the address were i need the Walkers to be shipped is below
Shipping Address :
Jack Machinery & More Co Ltd
Street Address: 87 Soi Navin , Chua Phloeng Rd.,
City :Chongnonsi,
State : Yannawa Bangkok
Zipcode : 10120
Country : Thailand
Don't Hesitate to contact me back with the total cost plus freight cost so that we can proceed from there .Waiting for your immediate response.
On 2-12-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Captain McCoy,
Included in this email please find the shipping information for "Baby walkers".
The parcel will be prepared for shipping on one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high.
The weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet).
The customer, John Freeman, has been diagnosed with a rare skin disease and probably doesn't have long to live. Therefore I need your information in order to process his payment prior to his imminent demise. Time is of the essence.
Thank you.
Sanchez Avocado
Director of Sales
On 2-14-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Freeman,
I haven't heard back from your shipper yet. If you have any influence over him please avail yourself. I'd like to get this order wrapped up as soon as possible.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-16-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will like you to contact them once again and then send me a copy to my mail thanks.
On 2-16-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Captain McCoy,
Mr. John Freeman asked that I contact you again for pricing for a shipment of baby walkers.
Please see the relevant information below.
Also, here is what I can tell you regarding the shipment:
The parcel will be prepared for shipping on one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high.
The weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet).
I'm not sure why you failed to respond previously with pricing. I suspect that either stupidity or laziness is at play here. Please don't let this happen again. John Freeman is a dear friend of mine besides being a valued customer. Adding that to the fact that John lives out each day of his life in misery, I am impatient with other people, such as yourself, who cause him more grief. John is even now undergoing a radical medical procedure which may help extend his life by a few months. On the other hand, it may kill him. Whichever of these two outcomes, one thing is for sure. His days as 2nd bassoonist for the San Diego Philharmonic are over.
Now please get the shipping costs to me immediately.
Thank you.
Sanchez Avocado
Director of Sales
On 2-18-10, John Freeman wrote:
What kind of mail is that have i told you am sick?
On 2-18-10, Vladdio wrote:
Calm down, John,
I always deal with shippers this way.
I have found that shippers give more attention and urgency if you tell them that the customer is very sick and possibly dying. Just wait and see. This Captain McCoy will not only get back quickly with the prices, he'll also give you BETTER prices. It's the sympathy. He'll feel sorry for you and lower his rates. I guarantee it.
The only bad thing about this strategy is that you may have to actually fake being sick if you ever meet him in person. If you find yourself in this predicament, just contact me. I know a way of causing projectile vomiting by using some baking soda, oil of cloves, and dog urine. It works every time. And the good thing is that you'll never have to meet him again.
Let me know as soon as he gets the costs to you.
We're ready to ship now.
Sanchez
On 2-19-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will like you to get back to me as soon as you get a mail from the shippers so that i can proceed with payment
On 2-19-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
I haven't heard from your shipper yet and that's very surprising to me.
Serious illnesses, however phony, tend to cause these shippers to move faster. That hasn't happened. It's quite unusual. I may have to resort to a "death-bed estimate request scenario".
In this scenario I'll need you to contact the shipper and tell him that you will probably not survive the day. You'll want to say that your widow, who is both blind and incontinent, will be handling your affairs after your death. Tell him that you hate to put this kind of burden on her because she is also bi-polar and has several personality disorders including pyromania. Tell him that if she is arrested again she will not be able to complete our transaction and that he will surely lose the sale. This gives him a few reasons to give you your costs very rapidly.
Let me know what happens.
On the other hand, do you want me to contact him again?
Sanchez
On 2-22-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will like you to contact them once again but this time contact them better so that they can get back to me with the quote then i can proceed with payment.
On 2-22-10, Vladdio wrote:
Not a problem, John. I know exactly what to say.
Sanchez
On 2-22-10, John Freeman wrote:
Okay contact them now and get back to me with a contact number so that i can call to proceed with payment.
On 2-22-10, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Captain McCoy,
It is with great regret that I must inform you of the death of John Freeman.
John Freeman was a dear friend of mine, a devoted father, an occasionally faithful husband, a master pastry baker, and a champion shuffle-board player.
But his true passion was taking care of the children at the Freeman Center at St. Jezebel's School for Unwed Mothers in Bangkok, Thailand. I know the newspapers have not been kind to his reputation and have accused him of - among many other things - fathering most of the children there, and white slavery. But I can assure you that none of the children were white. And I know he was very fond of the young women there and everywhere else in the world. He was filled with love and shared that love whenever he could... as long as his wife didn't find out.
I don't believe we can allow his legacy to fade away just because he is dead. He would have wanted the Baby-Walkers to be shipped and he would have wanted YOU to be the shipper.
Please, Captain McCoy, I believe you would be the perfect shipper and I know you are the real McCoy. Please let me know the shipping cost for this parcel. Here again is the information you need:
"The parcel will be prepared for shipping on one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high.
The weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet)."
I need these costs right away. Think of the poor children who are, even now, walker-less.
Thank you for your speedy attention.
Sanchez Avocado
Friend of John Freeman, and Executor of His Will
On 2-22-10, the "Shipper" wrote:
-----Original Message-----
From: Overseas Shipping Co Ltd [mailto:overseas.shipping@rock.com]
Subject: Shipping Estimate.
Dear Customer,
Thank you for Contatcting Overseas Shipping Co, for your shipping needs.
We checked on shipping for one (1) pallet, 48" x 48" x 96" high the weight will be 1020 lbs (including pallet) .
Picking it up at your location to Thailand,And its going to cost $6,500.00.That includes international airway taxes ( I.A.T), Tarrifs and custom's clearance duties. It takes approximately 5-7 days for delivery from the day of pick-up.
Pick up address below:
U.S.A
To:
Jack Machinery & More Co Ltd
Street Address: 87 Soi Navin , Chua Phloeng Rd.,
City :Chongnonsi,
State : Yannawa Bangkok
Zipcode : 10120
Country : Thailand
Payment made : Pick-up location only.
Thank you for choosing Overseas Shipping Co for your shipping needs..
Thanks in Advance
Captain Mc Coy -
Int. Shipping Depart
Overseas Shipping Co
On 2-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
See, I told you the shipper would get back with the costs.
And I don't know what it should cost to send 60 baby-walkers and 3 "Tar and Feathering Kits" to Thailand but $6,500 sounds very reasonable to me.
The only problem now is that they believe you're dead. Sorry about that. But it was necessary. I think the shipper must be a total asshole and a complete moron, but still, you'll have to be careful. I think that if you need to contact them directly you should use an alias. DON'T USE THE NAME, JOHN FREEMAN. Instead maybe you'll want to call yourself SALLY DALRYMPLE or CHLAMYDIA PERTUSSIS. Put your choice of names in the next email you send to me. (I won't charge you for the name. That's the kind of guy I am.)
Just tell them that you're John's illegitimate daughter. They don't need to know more than that.
So now you have all of the costs. Please the send payment information right away. There's a rumor going around here that our prices may be changing. I'll do what I can to keep your prices the same but I can't guarantee it. You must hurry.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-23-10, John Freeman wrote:
Get back to me with a contact number so that i can call tp proceed payment.
On 2-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
I'm sorry to have to tell you that I cannot give your a phone number. Maybe I should have explained this to you from the outset but Fungal-Foot Magic Baby Walkers is an exclusively hearing impaired company.
In order for us to qualify for Federal Disability Enterprise Zone Grants, 100% of our employees must be completely deaf. And we are.
All communication with anyone here must be done visually or via email.
If you ever get a chance to visit our facility, I think you'll find one of the quietest companies in the world. Or at least, that's what I've been told. I wouldn't know.
Please send ALL of your payment information by email.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-23-10, John Freeman wrote:
Well i will need to talk to someone.
On 2-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
John,
Your email has a ring of condescension and superiority to it.
Do not think less of people with a hearing disability, John. We are as capable as anyone else in communicating. We just do it differently. For us EMAILING is talking.
If your own prejudices get in the way of business, that's your problem, not ours.
If you cannot function as a polite representative of the "hearing" world, we would rather not have to deal with you.
If on the other hand, you take advantage of the truly great prices I've been quoting you AND overcome your own bigotry, you will not only start being opened minded, but also you would become an emissary of Jesus.
So what's it going to be, John? Continue with the order? Or succumb to personal stupidity?
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Okay send me a mail with the total cost as soon as you get to the office so that i can provide my credit card for the payment.
On 2-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
As I thought might happen, we just had a price change. I did everything I could to keep this from effecting you but it did.
The new price for the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker is $130 each and NOT $155 as previously quoted.
I apologize for whatever inconvenience this may cause.
Apparently this new price is a result of a class action law suit settlement. It seems that our baby walkers have been implicated in several thousand fires over the past 25 years. The type of wood used (since 1985) in manufacturing (Incendiary Oak) along with a particular ingredient in the secret finishing formula we use (Ignitonium) occasionally result in fiery babies. Up until recently, Spontaneous Human Combustion had been thought to be the cause. Fortunately our lawyers kept our company from closing down completely. The governor realized that closing a plant like ours would put almost 2 dozen people out of work and the effect on the community at large (Massachusetts) would be devastating. Therefore it was agreed that we would lower our prices by $25 and add a warning sticker on the underside of each baby walker. This was the terms of the settlement.
What this means to you is this:
60 pieces of the "Death-To-Tories" Solid Wood Baby Walker @ $130 each is a total of $7,800.00 (NOT $9,300.00). You save $1,500!
Shipping via Overseas Shipping Co. to Thailand is $6,500 (This remains the same, although you might have SALLY DALRYMPLE contact Captain McCoy for some more negotiating.)
Total: $14,300 (NOT $15,800.00)
I hope that you don't cancel your order because of a few fires. In my opinion, children can learn a lot about fire, smoke inhalation, 1st degree burns, and skin grafts by dealing with them at an early age.
I await your payment information.
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Thank you for your mail , well i will like to know if i can provide you with my credit card information for the total payment of the walkers and the shipping so that you can handle all on my behave and also thanks for the prices change
On 2-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear John,
I'm glad to see that you are unperturbed by the mental image of a few thousand smoking baby carcasses. Someone with a weaker stomach or higher morals might have called the whole thing off.
Of course I can handle the shipping for you. I understand completely that you wouldn't want Captain McCoy to know that you are still alive. And in a small way, I do feel slightly responsible for the deception.
Please send me what I need to know to proceed with this transaction.
Thank you.
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Subject: Payment Information.
Hello
Thank you for your and i appreciate the way you have handled my order , well i have provided below the my card full information for the total payment of the units as well as the shipping also the card has a limit of $ 3000 and as soon as it get approved you put the same amount on it till you get the total payment and also email me with a reciept as soon as all payment is made.
Name : John Freeman
Street : P.O. Box xxxx
Postcode : 82073
City : Laramie
State : Wyoming
Country : United States
CC Number : 54xx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
CVV2 : xxx
Date Expire : 09/10
Hope to read from you soon.
On 2-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
John,
Do you mean to say that you expect me to run this credit card 5 (FIVE!) times!!
Who the hell do you think you're dealing with? A goddamned candy store?!!
We presently have over 80,000 customers worldwide and 35% of them regularly pay by credit card. And ALL of them have credit limits in excess of $250,000. And you're telling me that your credit limit is $3000!!
I can't believe I've been wasting my time dealing with a complete amateur! You must be tin-plated asshole! I'm probably going to fired for this.
It's times like these that I'm glad I'm deaf so I won't have to hear my fellow sales associates guffaw about what a schlemiel I've been!
I'll tell you what, Mr. John "Super-Putz" Freeman, take your goddamned credit card, fold it in half, and shove it straight up your ass! Do this 5 (FIVE!) times and maybe on the last time you'll get a receipt!
I don't believe this is happening to me.
Sanchez
On 2-24-10, John Freeman wrote:
Okay goahead and put all the charges on it.
On 2-25-10, John Freeman wrote:
Please cancel the order and dont try running my card.
.
Of Course It's Too Old to Answer
...but it's just such a cool letter with all them capitals, I had to try.
From: Robert Gentle [mailto:rev.robert.gentle@gmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 3:59 PM
Subject: Order
On 11-19-08, Robert Gentle wrote:
Attention Please!!!
Hello My Name Its Rev.Robert Gentle And I Am Sending This E-mail To Order Of Some Fence And I Will Like U To Check And See If You Can Get Me A Good Price And A Good Fence What I Mean Its That I Want You To Send Me An Email With The Once That You Have And Thier Prices And Also Want To Know The Type Of Credit Card You Do Accept Has A Form Of Payment And Please I Want This Email To Be Responded By The Owner And Your Phone# So That I Will Give You A Call And This Order Its Going To My New Church And I Know That You And Your Company Will Be Blessed And I Wish You All The Best Luck In Your Bussiness.
Thank You
Rev.Robert Gentle
May God Blessed You
On 1-25-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend Genital,
It has been my experience that churches require 450 feet of 5' fence. And as luck would have it, we happen to have that much fence in stock.
Your total cost for this fence is $6,480.00 excluding shipping.
I wish I could give you my phone number but the truth is that I don't have a phone. In my youth I lost both ears in a gambling accident. But please don't pity me. My lack of ears only means that I can stick my head out of almost any porthole on almost any ship without fear of entrapment. You can't imagine how useful this ability has proven.
We take all major credit cards.
Thank you for your order.
Lump Muldoon
PS. I am fascinated with your obsession regarding capitalized words.
On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend,
I haven't received a response. Are you still interested in our fence?
If it is the price that is the problem, we can give you terms.
Lump
From: Robert Gentle [mailto:rev.robert.gentle@gmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 3:59 PM
Subject: Order
On 11-19-08, Robert Gentle wrote:
Attention Please!!!
Hello My Name Its Rev.Robert Gentle And I Am Sending This E-mail To Order Of Some Fence And I Will Like U To Check And See If You Can Get Me A Good Price And A Good Fence What I Mean Its That I Want You To Send Me An Email With The Once That You Have And Thier Prices And Also Want To Know The Type Of Credit Card You Do Accept Has A Form Of Payment And Please I Want This Email To Be Responded By The Owner And Your Phone# So That I Will Give You A Call And This Order Its Going To My New Church And I Know That You And Your Company Will Be Blessed And I Wish You All The Best Luck In Your Bussiness.
Thank You
Rev.Robert Gentle
May God Blessed You
On 1-25-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend Genital,
It has been my experience that churches require 450 feet of 5' fence. And as luck would have it, we happen to have that much fence in stock.
Your total cost for this fence is $6,480.00 excluding shipping.
I wish I could give you my phone number but the truth is that I don't have a phone. In my youth I lost both ears in a gambling accident. But please don't pity me. My lack of ears only means that I can stick my head out of almost any porthole on almost any ship without fear of entrapment. You can't imagine how useful this ability has proven.
We take all major credit cards.
Thank you for your order.
Lump Muldoon
PS. I am fascinated with your obsession regarding capitalized words.
On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend,
I haven't received a response. Are you still interested in our fence?
If it is the price that is the problem, we can give you terms.
Lump
Free Cardboard Beats a Free Ski Vacation Anyday
...unless you're a normal person.
From: Peter Cruz [mailto:peter.cruz47@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, January 25, 2010 10:12 AM
Subject: POOL FENCE ORDER
On 1-25-10 Peter Cruz wrote:
Hello,
Am Peter Cruz by name ans i would like to order steel pool fence,i would like to know if you can mould or get me the type below:
4 Ft Tall 2-Rail Montage Majestic Fence
Quantity:15
Let me know the total cost of the 15 steel pool fence and i would also like to know if i can make payment with my credit card.
Thank you and i look forward in hearing from you soon.
Peter.
On 1-25-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Cruz,
Thank you for your interest in the Montage Majestic Fence. However it is with regret that I must tell you that we are no distributors of this fence.
Perhaps you have seen the recent TV and newspaper reports regarding the recall of this particular fence. It appears that this fence, which comes from China, contains substantial traces of mercury. The result is that any birds that happen to land on the fence - even for a few seconds - absorb enough mercury to cause severe brain damage. It has been reported that birds have been seen disoriented and wistful in appearance. They show obvious indecisiveness and indifference, and they leave their droppings everywhere.
For this reason we have decided to substitute the Montage Majestic Fence with an American-made fence: The John Wayne Patriot Fence.
And yes, we have it in stock.
For 15 sections @ $105 per section, your cost will be $1,575.00 not counting shipping.
We do take all major credit cards.
Please advise how you would prefer to proceed.
Thank you.
Thomas Crapper
On 1-26-10, Peter Cruz wrote:
Hello Thomas,
Thank you for that information,however i would like the patriot fence instead,and i would like to have your contact phone number and company address.
Do let me know when you'd be ready for my credit card for the payment.
Peter.
On 1-26-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Peter,
I believe you made a wise decision in buying our fence, I know for a fact that the other fence - the poisonous Chinese fence - is much less expensive and it can be purchased from over 300 other fence distributors. And I also know that all of the other distributors give lifetime unconditional warrantees including free shipping and sales incentive give-aways such as ski vacations and free diaper service.
But I believe you are an honorable man who cares more for protecting our environment (and especially our birds) than you do about saving a whole lot of money and getting free things.
We give free cardboard and pallets with each order.
Here is the information your requested:
Thomas Crapper Fence Company
"It's Not Just a Fence. It's a CRAPPER!" (our motto)
Bleeding Ulcer Industrial Park
2500 Hoity Toity Blvd.
Fallout, NV 89712
I'm sorry to tell you that we have no telephone here. The founder of our company, Rutherford Crapper (my great-grandfather), swore a pledge that the company would never have technology that was newer than waterwheels and computers. I'm sure you'll understand.
Please provide your payment information.
Thomas
On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Peter,
When can we expect your payment information?
Thomas
From: Peter Cruz [mailto:peter.cruz47@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, January 25, 2010 10:12 AM
Subject: POOL FENCE ORDER
On 1-25-10 Peter Cruz wrote:
Hello,
Am Peter Cruz by name ans i would like to order steel pool fence,i would like to know if you can mould or get me the type below:
4 Ft Tall 2-Rail Montage Majestic Fence
Quantity:15
Let me know the total cost of the 15 steel pool fence and i would also like to know if i can make payment with my credit card.
Thank you and i look forward in hearing from you soon.
Peter.
On 1-25-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Cruz,
Thank you for your interest in the Montage Majestic Fence. However it is with regret that I must tell you that we are no distributors of this fence.
Perhaps you have seen the recent TV and newspaper reports regarding the recall of this particular fence. It appears that this fence, which comes from China, contains substantial traces of mercury. The result is that any birds that happen to land on the fence - even for a few seconds - absorb enough mercury to cause severe brain damage. It has been reported that birds have been seen disoriented and wistful in appearance. They show obvious indecisiveness and indifference, and they leave their droppings everywhere.
For this reason we have decided to substitute the Montage Majestic Fence with an American-made fence: The John Wayne Patriot Fence.
And yes, we have it in stock.
For 15 sections @ $105 per section, your cost will be $1,575.00 not counting shipping.
We do take all major credit cards.
Please advise how you would prefer to proceed.
Thank you.
Thomas Crapper
On 1-26-10, Peter Cruz wrote:
Hello Thomas,
Thank you for that information,however i would like the patriot fence instead,and i would like to have your contact phone number and company address.
Do let me know when you'd be ready for my credit card for the payment.
Peter.
On 1-26-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Peter,
I believe you made a wise decision in buying our fence, I know for a fact that the other fence - the poisonous Chinese fence - is much less expensive and it can be purchased from over 300 other fence distributors. And I also know that all of the other distributors give lifetime unconditional warrantees including free shipping and sales incentive give-aways such as ski vacations and free diaper service.
But I believe you are an honorable man who cares more for protecting our environment (and especially our birds) than you do about saving a whole lot of money and getting free things.
We give free cardboard and pallets with each order.
Here is the information your requested:
Thomas Crapper Fence Company
"It's Not Just a Fence. It's a CRAPPER!" (our motto)
Bleeding Ulcer Industrial Park
2500 Hoity Toity Blvd.
Fallout, NV 89712
I'm sorry to tell you that we have no telephone here. The founder of our company, Rutherford Crapper (my great-grandfather), swore a pledge that the company would never have technology that was newer than waterwheels and computers. I'm sure you'll understand.
Please provide your payment information.
Thomas
On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Peter,
When can we expect your payment information?
Thomas
Friday, February 4, 2011
Burning Camels and Flaming Gourds
...but still I couldn't set the hook.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: CALL FOR CONFIRMATION,
Date: 23 January 2010 14:50
Subject: WINNER...
AWARD WINNING NOTICE
Ref No.17/324/113
Batch No.448/1803734
Ticket/Series No.RJ975489
Amount Won: $2,500 000 .00
Attn: Internet User,
Your email account has been picked as a winner of a lump sum pay out
Two million five hundred thousand united states dollars ($2,500 000 .00)
Please contact your Claims Agent,from the Oversea Winners Processing
Department:
CLAIMS AGENT
**********************************
Mr.Van Carin
Tele:+31-616-544-963
Fax: +31-847-393-086
EMAIL: van.carin@aol.nl
http://www.lotto.nl
**********************************
VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM
Names:
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Age:
Occupation:
Winning Email:
Identification I D:
Yours Faithfully,
Mary Van Dotcha
http://www.lotto.nl
Lottery Coordinator.
Copyright © 2010 The Netherlands National Lottery Inc.
On 1-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
Subject: RE: WINNER...
Dear Mr. Van Carin,
Please let me know what else you need in order for me to find out about the information you sent to me by way of forwarded email which came to me regarding a prize of money which you say I may claim by answering the following questions.
Names: Mousey Tagline
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality: American
Age: 35
Occupation: Customer Service
Winning Email: ?????
Identification I D: ?????
Thank you.
Mousey
On 1-23-10 Van Carin wrote:
Subject: FILL IN THE ATTACHED CLAIMS FORM AND SEND BACK /YOUR PHONE NUMEBERS
Winning Email: vladdio@comcast.net,
You are advice to send us your cell phone numebers so we can be calling you for more advice in regards to your winning sum.
We wish to officially congratulate you and formally inform you that you have won the sum of 2,500,000.00 (Two million five hundred thousand united states dollars ) in the last email-lottery draw, organized by De Lotto NL Promotion. We will have to confirm the above winning.
The said sum has since been deposited in a suspense account in favor of potential winners waiting for the immediate remittance to prospective winners in thier prospective categories. Be informed that your winning prize has a hardcover insurance policy.
This firm on behalf of De Lotto NL Promotion will issue an Irrevocable Guarantee of Payment Bond (IGPB) in your favor, thereby securing the above prize money. A copy of the IGPB will be forwarded to our paying bank for immediate action. However, our client ( De Lotto NL Promotion) has been notified of this development and the status of your claim.
Following the above, you are expected to fill the attached form and return back to this office with a valid form of identification,a copy of your international passport or driver's license via email attachment or by fax please send via eamil attached the completed form so that we can carry out the vetting process which is a standard practice just to ensure that we are dealing with the right individual.
This process is vital and urgent following the instruction from our clients that all prize money should be claimed on or before the deadline of your notice.
Once again accept our congratulations and we look forward to hearing from you soon.
Regards,
Mr. Van Carin
Tele:00 31-616-544-963
Fax: 00 31-847-393-086
Claims Officer
On 1-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Van Carin,
I am unable to give you a phone number since I don't have a phone. As a child I lost both of my ears in an accident as a spectator of a traveling circus. It was during a skit in which two sword-swallowers on skateboards were juggling flaming gourds. Several people were killed and a camel was burned to death so my own injuries were trivial by comparison. Yet I was left without ears or the ability to hear or wear sunglasses. Thus, no phone and much squinting.
Please tell me that my disabilities do not exclude me from receiving the prize money. With the money I will be able to get the ear transplant I've been dreaming about for so long.
Please forward me the appropriate forms.
Thank you.
Mousey
On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Van Carin,
As I told you in my last email, I never received the form. Please forward them immediately.
Thank you.
Mousey
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: CALL FOR CONFIRMATION,
Date: 23 January 2010 14:50
Subject: WINNER...
AWARD WINNING NOTICE
Ref No.17/324/113
Batch No.448/1803734
Ticket/Series No.RJ975489
Amount Won: $2,500 000 .00
Attn: Internet User,
Your email account has been picked as a winner of a lump sum pay out
Two million five hundred thousand united states dollars ($2,500 000 .00)
Please contact your Claims Agent,from the Oversea Winners Processing
Department:
CLAIMS AGENT
**********************************
Mr.Van Carin
Tele:+31-616-544-963
Fax: +31-847-393-086
EMAIL: van.carin@aol.nl
http://www.lotto.nl
**********************************
VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM
Names:
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Age:
Occupation:
Winning Email:
Identification I D:
Yours Faithfully,
Mary Van Dotcha
http://www.lotto.nl
Lottery Coordinator.
Copyright © 2010 The Netherlands National Lottery Inc.
On 1-23-10, Vladdio wrote:
Subject: RE: WINNER...
Dear Mr. Van Carin,
Please let me know what else you need in order for me to find out about the information you sent to me by way of forwarded email which came to me regarding a prize of money which you say I may claim by answering the following questions.
Names: Mousey Tagline
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality: American
Age: 35
Occupation: Customer Service
Winning Email: ?????
Identification I D: ?????
Thank you.
Mousey
On 1-23-10 Van Carin wrote:
Subject: FILL IN THE ATTACHED CLAIMS FORM AND SEND BACK /YOUR PHONE NUMEBERS
Winning Email: vladdio@comcast.net,
You are advice to send us your cell phone numebers so we can be calling you for more advice in regards to your winning sum.
We wish to officially congratulate you and formally inform you that you have won the sum of 2,500,000.00 (Two million five hundred thousand united states dollars ) in the last email-lottery draw, organized by De Lotto NL Promotion. We will have to confirm the above winning.
The said sum has since been deposited in a suspense account in favor of potential winners waiting for the immediate remittance to prospective winners in thier prospective categories. Be informed that your winning prize has a hardcover insurance policy.
This firm on behalf of De Lotto NL Promotion will issue an Irrevocable Guarantee of Payment Bond (IGPB) in your favor, thereby securing the above prize money. A copy of the IGPB will be forwarded to our paying bank for immediate action. However, our client ( De Lotto NL Promotion) has been notified of this development and the status of your claim.
Following the above, you are expected to fill the attached form and return back to this office with a valid form of identification,a copy of your international passport or driver's license via email attachment or by fax please send via eamil attached the completed form so that we can carry out the vetting process which is a standard practice just to ensure that we are dealing with the right individual.
This process is vital and urgent following the instruction from our clients that all prize money should be claimed on or before the deadline of your notice.
Once again accept our congratulations and we look forward to hearing from you soon.
Regards,
Mr. Van Carin
Tele:00 31-616-544-963
Fax: 00 31-847-393-086
Claims Officer
On 1-24-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Van Carin,
I am unable to give you a phone number since I don't have a phone. As a child I lost both of my ears in an accident as a spectator of a traveling circus. It was during a skit in which two sword-swallowers on skateboards were juggling flaming gourds. Several people were killed and a camel was burned to death so my own injuries were trivial by comparison. Yet I was left without ears or the ability to hear or wear sunglasses. Thus, no phone and much squinting.
Please tell me that my disabilities do not exclude me from receiving the prize money. With the money I will be able to get the ear transplant I've been dreaming about for so long.
Please forward me the appropriate forms.
Thank you.
Mousey
On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Van Carin,
As I told you in my last email, I never received the form. Please forward them immediately.
Thank you.
Mousey
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