No Flammable Fences for this Guy

....I'd say that's a good choice.

From: Fred Williams [mailto:fred_williams2030@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, May 02, 2010 8:10 AM
Subject: order

On 5-2-10, Fred Williams wrote:
To Whom It May Concern
My Name is Fred Williams and i will like to know if you do sell Fence,if you sell, i will like you to email me with the types and sizes that you do have as well as their prices including tax,also i will like to know the method of payment that you do accept.Hope to hear from you.Thank you
Fred Williams

On 5-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Fred Williams,

Thank you for your interest in the Vladdio Variable Speed Dixie-Land Fence Company.

Please let me know if you would like to receive our catalogue. Also would you like to be added to our mailing list?

Currently we are promoting our most popular fence: The Five Foot Mega-Goop Tidal Flat Titanium Fence. This fence lists for $12.00 per running foot. I think you'll need 300 feet. That's $3,600 total. There is no tax. Shipping is not included.

We accept all major credit cards.

Please let me know how you'd like to proceed.

Thank you.

James "Jimmy" Changa
Sales Associate, Vladdio VSDLFC

On 5-3-10, Fred Williams wrote:
Thank you very much for your reply,let me know what will be the total order cost for 900 feet so that we proceed.Thank you

On 5-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred (can I call you Fred?),

The Five Foot Mega-Goop Tidal Flat Titanium Fence does not come in 900' lengths. However it does come in 1,000' lengths.

Your total cost for this order would be $12,000.00.

One question before we decide to process this order: Do you need the fence to be flammable?

One more question. We only stock this fence in MURKY BLUE, CRABAPPLE BLUE, and SALAMI BLUE. Which do you prefer?

Jimmy

On 5-3-10, Fred Williams wrote:
Let me have your phone number and i will give you a call,no i don't want it flammable,i need a salami blue.Thank you

On 5-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred,

You may have noticed how very low our prices are for the fence you ordered. This is because our company is streamlined and frugal to the point of Desperate Spartanism.

What I mean is that not only do we NOT have telephones, we don't even have electric lights in our office. This is how we are able to keep our costs low and beat out any competition.

The 6 sales associates in this office all use one computer, taking our turns by wrestling (best out of 3 falls). Fortunately I am an excellent wrestler.

Therefore all communication must be via email.

We have this material in stock and are prepared to ship today. We use an excellent international freight company (Sphagnum Popsicle Freightways). Please let me know the address where to ship.

Thank you.

Jimmy

On 5-3-10, Fred Williams wrote:
I will be recommending a freight company to come to your location for the pick up.so let me know if you are okay with that.Thank you

On 5-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred,

If you have a shipper that you want to use, that's OK with me. I just doubt you would be able to find the great service that Sphagnum Popsicle Freightways can provide. Each shipped order is accompanied by armed guards. They also give away free puppies.

Who would you like to use?

Jimmy

On 5-4-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred,

Have your shipper contact me.

Jimmy

On 5-4-10, Fred Williams wrote:
Subject: pickup and delivery...

Hello
Thank you very much for your reply on my email , i am okay with the price on the order . I am buying the product for my company in West Africa,and i will like you to contact the shipping company that will be coming to your location for pick up so that you can get me the shipping quote and add it to my order cost so that i can make payment right away .Below is the information.
1.Pick up address (your address)
2.Delivery address Mr Set Ofori( 3444 home st accra ghana ,west africa)
3. Weight of the product

Below is the shipping companies email address

mcdan_shippingcompany@yahoo.com

I will like you to go ahead and send them an email requesting for a shipping quote on my order.As soon as you hear back from them just send me an email with the total price including shipping so that i can make the full payment to you.
Hope to hear from you as soon as possible.
Fred Williams

On 5-6-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred,

Please forgive the delay in responding to you. I suffer from psychotic fugue and occasionally find myself working as a roadie for a Mormon Tabernacle Choir tribute band. Fortunately I came to just before I was about to board a plane for Canberra.

I will contact your shipper right away.

Thank you for your patience.

Jimmy

On 5-6-10, Fred wrote:
Jimmy,am sorry to hear this but i hope you are now okay,jimmy can you provide me with your phone number or give me a call on this number 315-308-xxxx.Thank you

On 5-6-10, Vladdio wrote to the “shipper”
Dear Shipper,

Fred Williams, bon vivant, has asked that I contact you with information regarding the shipment of fence from my location to his. Below are the specifics:

1) Pick-up address:
18000 Chattahattagoochie Drive
Hemminahemmina, Nevada, 53794

2) Delivery address:
Mr. Set Ofori
3444 Homo St.
Accra, Ghana, West Africa

3) Weight of the parcel: 6,120 lbs

Thank you in advance for a speedy response. This shipment contains a critical medicine which will allow the lame to walk, the blind to see, the deaf to hear, and the ugly to find true love.

Jimmy Changa

On 5-6-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred,

I was just sending my info over to your shipper when I received your most delightful email.

Thank you so much for your sympathy.

As I said in a previous email I cannot give you our business phone number since we only work via the internet. There is no phone in the entire building.

Would you like my personal phone number? That might be the best course of action.

Jimmy.

On 5-6-10, Fred Williams wrote:
Yes give me your personal phone number.

On 5-9-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Fred,

I'm sorry to have to tell you this but I recently discovered that my cell phone is missing.

Since I rarely use it, it may have been missing for as much as 2 weeks. The last time I remember using it, I was calling the police to report another UFO siting on the Nevada desert. And I don't want to sound alarmist but it's very possible and in fact likely that I was abducted by aliens. I have evidence of unexplainable surgical scars all over my body, particularly about my thumbs and ears.

And I think - and it's just a suspicion - that the aliens took my cell phone. Every weeknight at about 9:00 I hear a dial tone and then voices in my head telling me to sing Karaoke. This is so strange because I visit one particular Karaoke bar every weeknight.

In any case we'll have to continue communicating via email until I can get a replacement cell phone.

I'm still waiting for price information from your shipper.

Jimmy

On 5-12-10, Vladdio wrote:
Fred,

When can I expect to hear from your shipper?

Jimmy