Am I Supposed to Apologize to Every Dead President?

....I am? Okay. Sorry about this one, Abe!

From: Cole Pfeifer [mailto:colepfeiferandmore@gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, February 26, 2010 8:20 AM
To: vladdio@comcast.net
Subject: Pool Pump Order.

On 2-26-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Hello
I would like to know if you do sell or have this pool pump below:

Model YG2BK - "John Wilkes Pool Pump" - 500HP w/bass.

Let me know the total price for 20 pieces plus sales tax and excluding shipping cost. Also let me know if you do accept credit cards for payment.

Regards.
Cole.

[This new "order" came as a surprise since this scammer hadn't contacted me as "Cole Pfeifer" before. I figure that he either forgot that he had already contacted me as "Samuel Harrison" - see "With Apologies to President Garfield" - or my contact information was sent to him by another scammer. In any case, I don't care. I was just happy to have him on board!]

On 3-1-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Piper,

The item you are inquiring about (Model YG2BK - "John Wilkes Pool Pump" - 500HP w/bass) is available.

It lists as retail for $385. Twenty (20) pieces to you would mean $7,700.00

9.5% Tax brings your total to $8,431.50

We accept all major credit cards.

Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-1-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Would like to go for a reduce quantity of 10.Let me know the total quote for them plus sales tax and excluding shipping cost.

Also let me know your phone number.

On 3-1-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Pfeifer,

Please excuse the mistaken spelling of your name in the previous email. I was out drinking very heavily last night and when I responded to you this morning my mind was still a bit fuzzy. And to be honest, Pfeifer is such an unusual name. When I first read it I blew a Bloody Mary right through my nose laughing.

Of course we can reduce the order by half, and your cost on 10 units would be $3,850.00. With 11.625% Tax ($447.56), your total cost is $4,297.56.

8.25% Sales tax (354.55) on top of that would make your total brings your total to $4,652.11.

If I exclude the shipping costs your total is still $4,652.11

About the phones: Even though we still have internet connection we don't have the phone line back up and working yet. The tsunami knocked out a lot of the infrastructure. (In fact "that goddamned son-of-a-bitch of a wave" - that's what we call it - got everything wet. I've been trying to do my laundry all weekend but my washer is filled with mud and crawfish and empty beer cans. And every toilet in my neighborhood is backed up. The smell is amazing... if you like that sort of thing.) Our cell phones only work occasionally. We had better figure this sale and transaction going completely via email.

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-1-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Subject: Freight Delivery for the Pool Pump Order.
Thank you and i would like you to contact Inter Freight Shipping Logistics (allquotes@deliveryman.com or infointfsl@gmail.com) to have the freight cost for sending the Pool Pumps to the address or consignee below.

Email them with the number of boxes, pallets or skids, total weight and dimensions, type of product being shipped, your full location address and the consignee address below. A quote will be sent to you and i will subsequently pay that as well with a credit card and you then proceed and send the freight company with that (funds) once it CLEARS your bank for the pickup to be made. Here is the consignee address below:

Consignee:
Jeremy Gates
Angle Delmas 44 & Delmas #120
Port Au Prince
Haiti.

Email them with all necessary information for the freight cost to be given and email me to let me know when you get that from them.

On 3-1-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Allquotes,

Please see the information contained in this email regarding a shipment of 10 pool pumps.

This shipment will be prepared as follows:

- No boxes, pallets, or skids are involved in this shipment. We follow the ancient Polynesian tradition of shipping everything we manufacture in paper bags.
- There will be 10 bags, each weighing 145 lbs. Total weight = 1,450 lbs.
- The pick-up address is:

2001 Spacoddicy Drive
Gumbo, LA 70053

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-2-10, the shipper wrote:
INTER FREIGHT SHIPPING LOGISTICS : SHIPPING AND REGISTRATION QUOTE
852 RIVERSIDE DRIVE, MACON, GA 31201 EMAIL: allquotes@deliveryman.com, infointfsl@gmail.com

Dear customer:
Thank you for contacting INTER FREIGHT SHIPPING LOGISTICS where your shipping needs are met at a lower cost. We are glad to have you on board.

Here is the quote to deliver to:
Jeremy Gates
Angle Delmas 44 & Delmas #120
Port Au Prince
Haiti.

Pick Up: At your location (2001 Spacoddicy Drive, Gumbo, LA 70053).
Dimensions: N/A.
Type of goods: Pool Pumps.
Quantity of goods: Ten (10) Bags.
Total Weight: 1,450 Lbs.

Freight 1 + Custom Duties & Taxes === ---- $3, 945.48 for International Air Express ( 1 to 3 bus. days ).

Freight 2 + Custom Duties & Taxes === ---- $2, 950.62 for International Air Express Economy ( 3 to 7 bus. days ).

Pick Up Time: 12:00 pm to 04:30 pm Monday - Saturday

That's the most cost effective freight charges we can offer on the above info.

Note: Freight charges depends on WEIGHT & DISTANCE.

PAYMENTS:
We request a Full payment of shipping charges before pick up is made.
We advise our valued customers to make shipping payment in time to facilitate pick up.

Note: At the moment Inter Freight Shipping Logistics ONLY accepts payment via Bank (Wire) Transfer or MoneyGram. And since money transfers are only made to individual names verifiable, we accept payments in the name of MR. GABIENU ISRAEL ( Export / Import Manager ). When payment is made, we will need you to return to us via email with the following info below :

The Name of Sender.

Reference Number (Number given by the MoneyGram agent ) Can be found on the receipt given to you by the MoneyGram agent.

The Secret Test Question and Answer used.

The Total Amount Sent.

We look forward to meeting your shipping needs soon.
Reply to this email with any questions you may have pertaining to shipping with us.

Our Head office is Located in Accra, Ghana. We cover the whole of Africa, Georgia, Alaska, Asia and Some parts of Australia. In the USA, our partner company takes care of our shipping needs as soon as payment is received at the Head Office.

Send the funds via Bank (Wire) Transfer or MoneyGram to:

Bank Transfer Details:
Bank Name: Ecobank Ghana

Bank Address:
19, Seventh Avenue
Ridge West Accra - 001

Account Name: Israel Edem Gabienu

Account Number: 0010034415396901

Swift Code: ECOCGHAC

MoneyGram Details:
Recepients Name:
MR. GABIENU ISRAEL
10 FACTORY LANE
ACCRA - GHANA 00233

NB: After all payments are confirmed via Bank (Wire) Transfer or MoneyGram, a confirmation invoice plus shipping confirmation will be sent back to you as soon as possible.

Thank You.
Secretary,
Jack McBride.

On 3-3-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Have you contacted the freight/shipping company yet for the freight quote?

Get back to me and let me know today so we may proceed from there.

On 3-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Pfeifer,

I'm sorry about the delay in contacting the shipper. I spent the last two evening in jail, arrested for looting. They were bogus charges, I assure you.

The owner of the appliance store was in the hospital with a concussion and I was helping him relocate some of his merchandise to my house for safe-keeping. In fact about 30 good neighbors just like me were also helping him. Many of them ran home for dinner when the police arrived and were never arrested. I was testing out a set of headphones for a boom box I was carrying and didn't hear them arrive. C'est la vie.

I'll contact the shipper right now.

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Pfeifer,

Apparently the shipper did contact me with the costs while I was in the slammer. His information is included in this email. He seems to have too much information and puts it ALL in his emails.

You should note that there are two prices he gives. Please leave me out of this. How you decide to ship is your business. How the money is transferred to him is your business.

If you need my participation in any of this transaction, let me know. Just tell me what you want me to do.

I may not be available everyday though. Besides having to go to court for the looting charges, I am also fighting other charges which I am completely innocent. This week I'll be appearing at my hearing for both armed robbery and home invasion. (Bogus!) And then next Monday and Wednesday I'll be defending myself against racketeering and numbers charges. Then on Thursday, it's back to Family Court. (My wife believes she has proof that I have two other wives.) The rest of March is pretty filled up. I have 8 DUI charges and 3 drug dealing charges that I also need to fight.

But please continue with the order. I'll respond when I'm most able

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-3-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Just get back to me when you are done with your court cases.

On 3-3-10, Vladdio wrote:
Cole,

I don't want you to think I can't handle the small task of shipping 10 bags of pool pumps. I can.

My legal.... adventures are a minor inconvenience at best. Don't worry about them. Even if I do have to serve some time (and I swear I'm innocent) I'll have people on the outside who can... expedite things for me. In fact right now my good friend, "The Crusher" is helping "interview" a so-called witness against me. He's helping her remember things that she may have remembered the wrong way. The Crusher will do exactly what I say. You'll get your pumps. I promise.

The tsunami didn't stop me. Neither will the cops.

So how do you want to handle the payment and shipping? Just tell me.

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-3-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Would like to get you the credit card for you to run through for all that.

On 3-5-10, Vladdio wrote:
Mr. Culpepper,

Yes. Please get me that information ASAP.

But first please choose the freight option you'd like to go with. You shipper gave you these two choices:

Freight 1 + Custom Duties & Taxes === ---- $3, 945.48 for International Air Express ( 1 to 3 bus. days ).

Freight 2 + Custom Duties & Taxes === ---- $2, 950.62 for International Air Express Economy ( 3 to 7 bus. days ).

By the way, I'm considering relocating to sunnier climes. I see that you live in Ghana and your shipper is in Haiti. Do you think I might fit in at either one of these exotic lands? And would you know they these places have any extradition treaties with the United States? Just wondering.

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc.

On 3-5-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Which you well in all that you do.

Pray you rot in jail that is if what you told me is true.

On 3-5-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Pepper,

Thank you for your good wishes and thank you for your prayers.

I believe in the American judicial system so I'm confident that I will remain a free man. God wants all innocent men (and some guilty ones) to be free. And so I shall be... I hope.

About the shipping, if I were you I would choose the "Freight 2" since it is less expensive. And unless you are in critical need of the pool pumps, 4 extra days won't matter.

Will you be paying the shipper directly. I would prefer it to be that way, but if need be, I will act as a liaison.

Please get back to me with your credit card right away. The clock is ticking!

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc

On 3-5-10, Cole Pfeifer wrote:
Cancel the order.

On 3-5-10, Vladdio wrote:
Mr. Piper! WHY!

Please don't cancel the order, Mr. Piper. It's your show of good faith in me that keeps me from drinking a whole lot more than I do now.

I can give you special pricing if that helps. Truly, please don't cancel the order.

We're ready to ship. The bags are ready. I even double-bagged them!

Please!

I need this. Did I tell you about my children? They're beautiful kids and I love them but if I lose this job, I'm going to have to sell about a half dozen of them. Don't make me do it. Please!

Thank You.

Huskerdu Glockenspiel
Random Tax Analyst, Vladdio Pump-A-Rama, Inc