All Hail The Saints of Confusion!

....especially when it's Schmutz season in Canada!

From: samuel underwood [mailto: rev.samuelunderwood@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, May 24, 2010 5:59 AM
To: info@carriesfence.com
Subject: inquiries...........

On 5-24-10, Samuel Underwood wrote:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am Reverend Samuel Underwood....how are you doing today?
I would like to know if you do have Ornamental Fence panels for sale or can
order in stock for me after payment is made to you....I would like you to
let me know the types and sizes of fence panels that you have and also the price range
on them without delivery and installation....do let me know if you accept master
or visa cards as forms of payment...I will recommend you to a shipping company that shall
come to your dealer location and pick up the fence panels when ready to be shipped.
Thank you very much for the opportunity and i would be looking forward to hearing from
you soon including your name and contact number so we go from there.
God Bless
Rev. Samuel Underwood

On 6-1-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend Underwood,

Here at Vladdio Biblical Impression Fence Panel Company, we have the greatest stock of pre-made fence panels in the United States.

You did not say in your email the type of fence you need to apply these panels to. We have a wide variety of material such as wood, aluminum, steel, vinyl, shotzie, vellum, and bamboo.

Right now we are having a sale on our most popular panels depicting the Saints of Confusion in various stages of Divine Misery.

We have:

- St. Peter with his foot crushed under the wheel of a Roman Chariot.
- St. Ptolemy dragged behind a running warthog
- St. Bob pulling splinters out of his elbow
- St. Tympani drowning in the Red Sea
- Sts. Fergus and Lloyd impaled on a windmill
- St. Hookah sick on the Tilt-A-Whirl

Each of these panels are available for $449.95 each in aluminum.

Please indicate which you would prefer or if there is another material you require.

Custom panels are of course available at a 25% premium price.

Would you like our catalogue?

Velcro Sandbar
Associate Director of Internet Sales
Vladdio Biblical Impression Fence Panel Company

On 6-1-10, Samuel Underwood wrote:
Subject: Re: inquiries...........
Hi Velcro,
Thank you very much for your response to me and sorry i couldn't get back to you earlier on...i am currently at a church conference in Canada(ontario) and will be coming back to Town in a couple of weeks and due to the church policy and privacy so we don't accept calls from outside the church premises...I am really sorry for the inconvenience okay i will rather call you when necessary...
Actually i am purchasing the fence for one of our church project in Accra Ghana which is located at overseas...however,i am interested in purchasing the VINYL fence panel in size (lenght) 6Ft x (height )8Ft with its post and everything that makes it complete.
i would like you to get back to me with the total cost of 40 units including sales tax without delivery and installation so i can send in my master card details for you to put the charges through and then take care of the order for me...I will recommend you to a shipping company that shall come to your dealer location and pick-up the fence when ready to be shipped.
Once again thank you very much for your response to me and i would be looking forward to hearing from you from you soon so we go from there.
God Bless
Rev.Samuel Underwood

On 6-2-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend Sam,

The vinyl fence panels are not nearly as expensive as the aluminum ones. This is because of trade issues resolved during the Treaty of Ghent.

The vinyl panels you asked about (6' in length x 8' in height) including posts, hardware, and fanork are $439.95 each.

40 units you requested would be $17,598.00.

We recently put another panel design into our promotion. It is St. Snark in the throes of constipation. Let me know if you want this one. If you do not actually choose one, our default panel is the St. Hookah panel. Please see below for the choices listed in the previous email.

I know you said you'd prefer using your own shipper but for an order of this size, we offer free shipping. Let me know what you'd like to do.

Please be careful during your stay in Ontario. I know that June is Schmutz season in Canada. You wouldn't want to get infected. I know the lesions can be very painful.

Thanks.

Velcro

PS. I know I could look on a map, but tell me. Where is Accra Ghana? Is it one of those post-Soviet splinter countries? It sounds lovely.

On 6-2-10, Samuel Underwood wrote:
Velcro,
Thank you so much for your advice and i will be extremely careful with my stay here in Ontario.
After some discussions with the church elders in consultation with the contractor working on the project overseas, we have decided that we will need only 40 VINYL fence Panels of what you have instock just for use at the porch side of the church. Thank you for the offer to help us with the shipment but then the location is outside the states and its at overseas somewhere in Africa where we have a chruch branch establishing there hence thats why i told you that i will recomend you to a shipping company that will take care of it effectively.Thanks for your help anyway....very much appreciated.
So please get back to me with your contact number for me to call you after i have sent in my master card details for you to put the charges through and then take care of the order for me.
Once again thank you very much for your understanding and patience.
Hope to hear from you soonest.

God Bless,

Rev. Underewood.

On 6-5-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend Sam,

Please excuse the delay in responding to your last email. We had a death in the family, and since I am a part-time embalmer, it fell to me to fulfill the duty. By the way, if you need any embalming - personally or for friends, family, or neighbors - please let me know. My rates are reasonable and my travel expenses are negotiable. I'm always looking for more work. (I hate embalming my own family members. They expect me to work for free.)

40 Vinyl fence panels at $438.85 each is $17,598.00.

If you don't mind, I'd like to supply you with the panels we have most of in stock. They are not any of the Saints of Confusion, but I think you'll like this one nonetheless. It is St. Goober reacting to finding out that he won a raffle. It's very beautiful, and it depicts the scene from his life that caused him to leave the Order of the Unkempt.

Since it's not very popular and since I have quite a few in stock, I'll let you have them for $395.95 each. That's $15,838.00.

Please let me know when I should expect your shipper.

Thanks.

Velcro

On 6-5-10, Samuel Underwood wrote:
Ohhhhh ok Velcro,
i will let you know anytime we will need you for embalmering and i agree with you relations must pay for business and services rendered and not for free.......lol.
Anyway its saturady now and i am not sure if you work today or will work tomorrow so i will send you
my master card information on monday morning for the payments. I will prefare the St. Goober reacting to finding out that he won a raffle so i am going to pay $15,838.00 right? let me know.
Once again can i have your contact number so i can call you when i send in my master cards for payments? I will be looking forward for your email and do have a wonderful weekned.

God Bless,
Rev. Samuel

On 6-7-10, Samuel Underwood wrote:
Hello,
I am still looking forward to hearing from you with the number so we go from there.
Hope you having a wonderful day....

God Bless,
Rev. Samuel

On 6-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Reverend Sam,

First let me say thank you for your order. And yes, your total is $15,838.00.

Second, I am unable to give you a telephone contact number because of religious reasons. Being a minister I'm sure you are aware of what it says in Scriptures: Ezra Chapter 4 verse 10: "We ask their names also, to certify thee, that we might write the names of the men that were the chief of them." By this we take it to mean that we must "write" (such as email) and not "speak" (such as on the telephone.)

Please continue to communicate via email.

Thirdly, I am always unavailable on the Sabbath. (And I'm troubled that you - a man of the cloth - would think that I might contact you on Sunday.)

Please send me your payment and shipping information.

And God have mercy on your miserable soul.

Velcro

On 6-8-10, Vladdio wrote:
Reverend Sam,

I'm still waiting for your payment information.

And would be interested in any other of our wonderful product lines, such as ceramic starfish etc.?

Velcro