Free Cardboard Beats a Free Ski Vacation Anyday

...unless you're a normal person.

From: Peter Cruz [mailto:peter.cruz47@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, January 25, 2010 10:12 AM
Subject: POOL FENCE ORDER

On 1-25-10 Peter Cruz wrote:
Hello,

Am Peter Cruz by name ans i would like to order steel pool fence,i would like to know if you can mould or get me the type below:

4 Ft Tall 2-Rail Montage Majestic Fence
Quantity:15

Let me know the total cost of the 15 steel pool fence and i would also like to know if i can make payment with my credit card.

Thank you and i look forward in hearing from you soon.

Peter.

On 1-25-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Cruz,

Thank you for your interest in the Montage Majestic Fence. However it is with regret that I must tell you that we are no distributors of this fence.

Perhaps you have seen the recent TV and newspaper reports regarding the recall of this particular fence. It appears that this fence, which comes from China, contains substantial traces of mercury. The result is that any birds that happen to land on the fence - even for a few seconds - absorb enough mercury to cause severe brain damage. It has been reported that birds have been seen disoriented and wistful in appearance. They show obvious indecisiveness and indifference, and they leave their droppings everywhere.

For this reason we have decided to substitute the Montage Majestic Fence with an American-made fence: The John Wayne Patriot Fence.

And yes, we have it in stock.

For 15 sections @ $105 per section, your cost will be $1,575.00 not counting shipping.

We do take all major credit cards.

Please advise how you would prefer to proceed.

Thank you.

Thomas Crapper

On 1-26-10, Peter Cruz wrote:
Hello Thomas,

Thank you for that information,however i would like the patriot fence instead,and i would like to have your contact phone number and company address.

Do let me know when you'd be ready for my credit card for the payment.

Peter.

On 1-26-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Peter,

I believe you made a wise decision in buying our fence, I know for a fact that the other fence - the poisonous Chinese fence - is much less expensive and it can be purchased from over 300 other fence distributors. And I also know that all of the other distributors give lifetime unconditional warrantees including free shipping and sales incentive give-aways such as ski vacations and free diaper service.

But I believe you are an honorable man who cares more for protecting our environment (and especially our birds) than you do about saving a whole lot of money and getting free things.

We give free cardboard and pallets with each order.

Here is the information your requested:

Thomas Crapper Fence Company
"It's Not Just a Fence. It's a CRAPPER!" (our motto)
Bleeding Ulcer Industrial Park
2500 Hoity Toity Blvd.
Fallout, NV 89712

I'm sorry to tell you that we have no telephone here. The founder of our company, Rutherford Crapper (my great-grandfather), swore a pledge that the company would never have technology that was newer than waterwheels and computers. I'm sure you'll understand.

Please provide your payment information.

Thomas

On 1-28-10, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Peter,

When can we expect your payment information?

Thomas