Doesn't Anything Bother This Guy?

...certainly not my venomous tongue.

From: Ben Gates
Sent: Tuesday, December 01, 2009 11:03 PM
Subject: Winter pool cover

Hi Owner,

My name is Mr.Ben Gates and i will like to know if you do have Winter pool cover for sale???if yes then kindly let me know so that i can get back to you as soon i can with the types of Winter pool cover and sizes. i need then you can quote me.

Do you accept charge cards???

Regards
Mr..Ben

On 12-2-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Ben,

Yes Mr. Ben. I do have winter pool covers for sale.

Right now I have the Model #1040 "Good Buddy" which is 10 x 40 (our most popular) for $1295.

We also have the Model #76 "Trombones" which is 76 x 76 (another nice cover) for $1985.

And lastly we have the Model #12 "Drummers Drumming" which is 12 x 12 for $1445.

And yes we take charge cards.

Quisby Forsooth

On 12-2-09, Ben Gates wrote:
Quisby,

Thank you for your email.I will like you to kindly get me 2 of Model #76 "Trombones" which is 76 x 76 (another nice cover) for $1985. and also 1 of Model #12 "Drummers Drumming" which is 12 x 12 for $1445.Please kindly get back to me with the total prices and also i will be coming to your location to pick them up.Hope to hear from you.

Thanks,

Mr, Gates

On 12-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ben,

Get back to you with the total prices? Is that what you want me to do? Really?

So you must mean you want me to use MY calculator to work the addition out for you, because what? ...they don't sell calculators where you live? How about pencils and paper? Huh?

OK. I'll do it. What the hell; I've got nothing better to do than to waste my time doing simple math for my customers. Here goes:

2 x $1,985.00 = $3,970.00 (Wow! That was tough!)

And then I'll just add $1,445.00 to that, right? So $3,970.00 + $1,445.00 = $5,415.00.

$5,415.00 - do that sound about right to you?

Quisby Forsooth

PS. Who dresses you in the morning? Your mommy?

On 12-4-09, Ben Gates wrote:
Hello,

I will like to proceed with the purchase of the unit and will like to inform you that I will be recommending a freight company that will be coming to your location for the pick up of the unit because I am purchasing the unit, for my ALISA HOTEL located in Ghana and will like to forward you the contact details of the freight company so that you can contact them and find out the shipping costs to Ghana.
What do you think ??

Kindness

Mr, Gates

On 12-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ben,

I have a policy about dealing with simpletons. Would you like to know what it is? You should. It's about to hit close to home.

The price of this order just went up. Please add 10% buffoon tax to the last total I gave you. (I know, I know. You can't do basic math, right?) Your new price is $5,956.50.

That's $5,956.50 for "the unit". And of course to you, "the unit" means 3 winter pool covers that you'll be using at your hotel in the desert where the lowest temperatures of the year hover in the mid 70s.

I'm having a sale on parkas too. Are you interested?

Go ahead and forward me the freight company contact info. Now I'm curious. Surely there can't be TWO groups of ignoramuses in Ghana.

Quisby Forsooth

On 12-4-09, Ben Gates wrote:
Hi Quisby,

Thanks so much for the response.

Here is the freight company's information with the delivery address.

Email - giantsea.shippersinc@gmail.com

Delivery Address :
John Befort
1039 Coconut Ave,
Te-me , Ghana 00233.

Please go ahead and contact the freight company now and find out the shipping costs to the address above and Add it to the total cost of the Winter pool cover so that I can provide you with Credit Card details for you to charge the total amount for the Winter pool cover plus shipping.

Regards

Mr,Gates.

On 12-5-09, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Giant Sea Shipper Inc.,

I prematurely assumed that your company was headquartered in Ghana. You can read this in the emails I copied to you (below). I apologize for this slight. I meant no immediate disrespect. I am aware that shippers are especially sensitive to being associated with Ghana due to the horrible reputation that the people of Ghana have.

For unlike the people of Ghana, I'm sure you bathe regularly, you don't eat roaches, and your mother is a human female.

Regarding the shipment of this order for Mr. (?) Ben Gates, the delivery address is below. The total weight of this shipment is 540 lbs. and will be contained on one pallet, 42" x 42" x 38" high.

I suggest you take advantage of this Ben Gates since he is an imbecile of the highest order. Whatever your true shipping charges are, you should triple or quadruple them. I myself have quadrupled my price to him. I may even double that price again. I have found that this Gates fellow is about as stupid as blank page, without half the potential.

Please get back to me with the costs ASAP. I might as well take advantage of this asshole before the Christmas spirit overwhelms me.

Thank you.

Quisby Forsooth

On 12-10-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ben,

Your shipper hasn't informed me of the freight costs yet.

Is there a problem?

Quisby

On 12-13-09, the shipper wrote:
Thank you Quisby ,

Thank you for you email,Am sorry for the delay.I will like to have your address where the items will be picked up from.Hope to hear from you.

Giant Sea Shippers.
Secretary
Christopher Lee

On 12-13-09, Ben Gates wrote:
Quisby,

Good Morning,How are you doing?Am sorry i was out of town and i couldn't check my email to reply you back.Hope to hear from you.

Thanks,

Mr, Gates

On 12-13-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ben,

I contacted the shipper (see below).

Then I contacted you (see below).

I'm not sure if there's a language barrier at fault here or a intelligence barrier or maybe it's a species barrier.

The covers are still available, but the price went up. Not for everybody; just for you. Up to now the price was $5,956.50 excluding shipping. I'm adding another 10% buffoon tax. That brings your price to $6,552.15.

Congratulations! On my list of All-Star feeble-minded customers, you made the top spot. In fact, even this early in our business relationship, I feel it's safe to retire your number. Do you want to know what your number is? ZERO!

If you could send me a photograph of yourself, that would be awesome. Right now every time I try to imagine what you look like, I see image of a very ugly clown.

FIND OUT WHAT'S TAKING THE SHIPPER SO LONG WITH THE PRICE!

Can you do that? (geez!)

Quisby

On 12-13-09, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Dear Mr. Lee,

The pick up location is:

5600 Baba Ganoush Blvd.
Garbanzo, ME 04330

Quisby

On 12-14-09, the shipper wrote:
Dear Valued Customer,

Thanks a lot for contacting us in regards of the pick up.Well after calculation and viewing for such Weight as it as Specified by You ,We have gotten the freight quote for this shipment transporting the product from your location to the camp in west African the shipping fee will be $2,250.45 including all handling fees and loading.
That is .................................................

1} Shipping from 5600 Baba Ganoush Blvd.Garbanzo, Maine. 04330 to JFK is $750.

2} Shipping from JFK to Airport in Accra,Ghana,00233 and Customs clearance:$1,500.45.
The complete total of shipping becomes $2,250.45

As at now the company only accepts Full payment via Money Gram and the full payment has to be paid by the pickup address thus the lot where the unit is to be picked up. I am the Freight and Logistics Manager here handling your query and so you could get back to me as soon as you need any other information. Payment will have to be made to the accounting department in Ghana and below is the address where the payment of freight must be made to :

Samuel Bebli
869 Fanofa Street
Accra-North
00233-Ghana

You can go ahead and send the payment and get back to us with the payment information to enable us schedule the pick up request ! asap.We will be glad to take care of your shipping needs.
Giant Sea Shippers.
Secretary
Christopher Lee

On 12-15-09, Vladdio wrote to the shipper:
Mr. Lee,

I stopped calling you Giant Sea Shipper Inc. when I learned your real name. Is it too much to ask that you address me as Quisby.

(Is everybody involved in this sale a complete moron?)

I'm waiting for the credit card information from that other moron, Ben Gates. I get the feeling that you two guys must talk to each other often. I can just picture you picking the bugs off of each other's scalp. So talk to him and let him know I'm waiting - STILL WAITING! - for his credit card. Tell him it's that little plastic card that he's been using to scrape the dog food out of the can. I can't imagine him eating anything else.

Waiting.........

Quisby

On 12-15-09, Ben Gates wrote:
Hi,

Thank you for the email.I will like to know if the shipper has contacted you,if yes me know so I can do the payment.hope to hear from

Thank,

Mr.Gates

On 12-16-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ben,

Did the shipper contact me yet? Duh!

Let's see.... hmmm.... He might have. What does he look like?

I think you should increase your medication. Is there even medication for stupidity? If there is, you should buy it by the barrel. I wouldn't worry about overdosing. What's the worst that could happen? You can't damage you brain to a point where there would be noticeable change.

Ding!
Ding!
Ding!

Time for another price increase!

Quisby