...am I being too subtle?
From: Peter Chuck [mailto:peter_chuck18@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 09, 2009 4:34 PM
Subject: order
On 9-9-09, Peter Chuck wrote:
Hello sir/madam
Am peter Am sending you this email regarding to Order FENCE, And i will be very glad if you could get me this
* Plastic diamond mesh safety fence
* Made of durable polyethylene
* Rugged yet flexible, re-usable, highly visible, and U.V. stabilized
* Ideal for temporary or permanent enclosures
* Available in 4' or 5' by 50 foot length (100 ft.)
And also i want you to get back to me with the prices range on the FENCE you have in stock . Kindly get back to me so that i can choose the FENCE that i want to order from you. and also i want to know what type of credit card you do accept, i will be waitig for your reply ASAP.
Regards
Mr peter
On 9-10-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Peter,
Thank you for you interest in our company. We are a newly established expediting company generating most of our sales online. And as a new e-commerce business we strive to get the best match of materials for our customers. We carry no stock but we have a turn-around time that is unsurpassed in the industry.
If it is fence that you want, then it is fence that we can get for you. THAT is the nature of what we can EXPEDITE!
Give us 12 hours to locate the fence that you requested. If it is on the road and in transit, we will have it very quickly (as long as the driver isn't armed).
Meanwhile, can I interest you in some of the other products we happen to have?
- 3 former "brown" delivery trucks with an assortment of unopened packages. (These trucks are actually being repainted gray as I write this.)
- 1/2 ton of cigarettes
- a horse (Don't ask me what kind. I know nothing about horses.)
Let me know. We can give you good prices.
Yours truly,
Calamari Fritti
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A Dud or A Language Barrier
...I'd say a dud.
From: Reed Hillford [mailto:managerreed1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009 2:57 AM
Subject: urgent order
On 9-3-09, Reed Hilford wrote:
Hello,
My name is Reed Hilford I will like to know if you do carry pool cover in stock.
10-12-15-18 above ground pool.
18x40,20x40,30x50 in-ground rectangle pool
Reply me back with the types and pricing you stock and let me advise on qty as soon as possible.I would also want to know the type of payment you do accept.Do not hesitate to reply me back with what you have in stock.Thank you and have a nice day..
Regards
Reed Hilford
On 9-7-09, Vladdio wrote:
Reed,
Your name was forwarded to me.
Yes I carry the pool cover you asked about.
How can I help you?
Glom Cosmo
On 9-14-09, Reed Hillford wrote:
Glom,
Thank you for your email.I am interested in the below pool covers and would appreciate if you reply me back with the prices for each so I can provide you an accurate quantity and advice on how to proceed further.Please advice.
10-12-15-18 above ground pool.
18x40,20x40,30x50 in-ground rectangle pool
Best Regards
Reed Hilford
On 9/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Deer Reed,
The following are my prices:
10 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $235
12 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $285
15 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $335
18 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $295
18 x 40 meter ~~~~~~~~> %$^&%$% ----------------- $435
20 x 40 meter ~~~~~~~~> %$^&%$% ----------------- $635
30 x 50 meter ~~~~~~~~> %$^&%$% ----------------- $595
Please excuse the typing. The translator escaped. And I recently learned spoken English and am still learning written English. Therefore the accent I add to the words do not translate well. If you read this with a Southern Drawl, then I am successful.
Did you?
The quantities you need are available. ~~~~@Q#$%~~~~$%^&.
Is Ok?
My duck sings a song.
Glom
From: Reed Hillford [mailto:managerreed1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009 2:57 AM
Subject: urgent order
On 9-3-09, Reed Hilford wrote:
Hello,
My name is Reed Hilford I will like to know if you do carry pool cover in stock.
10-12-15-18 above ground pool.
18x40,20x40,30x50 in-ground rectangle pool
Reply me back with the types and pricing you stock and let me advise on qty as soon as possible.I would also want to know the type of payment you do accept.Do not hesitate to reply me back with what you have in stock.Thank you and have a nice day..
Regards
Reed Hilford
On 9-7-09, Vladdio wrote:
Reed,
Your name was forwarded to me.
Yes I carry the pool cover you asked about.
How can I help you?
Glom Cosmo
On 9-14-09, Reed Hillford wrote:
Glom,
Thank you for your email.I am interested in the below pool covers and would appreciate if you reply me back with the prices for each so I can provide you an accurate quantity and advice on how to proceed further.Please advice.
10-12-15-18 above ground pool.
18x40,20x40,30x50 in-ground rectangle pool
Best Regards
Reed Hilford
On 9/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Deer Reed,
The following are my prices:
10 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $235
12 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $285
15 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $335
18 meter ~~~~~~~~~~~~> *@%#&^( ------------------ $295
18 x 40 meter ~~~~~~~~> %$^&%$% ----------------- $435
20 x 40 meter ~~~~~~~~> %$^&%$% ----------------- $635
30 x 50 meter ~~~~~~~~> %$^&%$% ----------------- $595
Please excuse the typing. The translator escaped. And I recently learned spoken English and am still learning written English. Therefore the accent I add to the words do not translate well. If you read this with a Southern Drawl, then I am successful.
Did you?
The quantities you need are available. ~~~~@Q#$%~~~~$%^&.
Is Ok?
My duck sings a song.
Glom
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Phil Said It Best
...ARE YOU REALLY READY TO DO BUSINESS WITH ME ...
From: Phil Michels [mailto:phil.michels47@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 2009 7:27 PM
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Subject: Pool Heater Order
On 9-2-09, Phil Michaels wrote:
Hello Sir/Madam
This is Mr Phil Michels And I Will Like To Know If You Can Order Me ANatural Gas 400,000 BTU Pool Heater . I Will Be More Than Happy If You Can E:Mail Me With The Quote on 3 units of that Plus Tax But exclude shipping cause i will recommend a freight company that will come pick them as soon as i make payment. Also I Will Like To Know If You Accept Credit Card As A Method Of Payment So That I Can Arrange For The Payment Immediately. Hope to hear from you soon.....
Thank You.
Phil...
On 9-7-09, Vladdio wrote:
Phil Michaels,
Your name was forwarded to me.
The answer to all of your questions is YES.
How else can I help you?
Pinky Slobberino
Heater Czar of the Midwest
On 9-8-09, Phil Michaels wrote:
Hello , i will like you to email me with the pick up quote on 3 units of hayward miivolt heater ....-
On 9-9-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Phil,
In my country, we address each other by our first name.
If you'd like to do business with me, please address me as "Pinky".
Following that, I will quote you on the Hayward heaters.
Thank you.
Pinky Slobberino
On 9-9-09, Phil Michels wrote:
Hello Pinky, still awating the quote ....
On 9-9-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Phil,
The Hayward 400,000 BTU Natural Gas Millivolt heater with waffles is $1,895. There is no tax.
This is our most popular model. In the industry it's known as the "Booger-Blaster" in honor of the inventor, Simon "Tangerine" Blaster. I'm not really sure where the "booger" part came from.
Three (3) units x $1,895 = $5,685
We're having an end of year "reverse" special on the Booger-Blaster. And we add 12%, so your cost would be $6,367.20. If you'd like to participate in this special, let me know. Otherwise your cost would be $5,685.00.
How would you like to handle payment and shipping?
I accept ALL credit cards except one.
Please let me know how you would like to proceed.
Thank you.
Pinky
On 9-9-09, Phil Michels wrote:
Hello ,thanks for the quote, before i arrange for payment, i will like you to do me a favor and contact the freight company that i want to use @ (SPEED.AIRFREIGHT1@YAHOO.COM) with the weight and size of the heaters so that they will give you the shipping cost of shipping them from your address to the following address:
David & Co. Inc.
440 airport residential area,
Accra-Ghana00233.
I will like you to get back to me with grand total for the packages and also for the shipping as soon as they e-mail you with the shipping cost so that i will arrange for payment immediately .
Hope to hear from you real soon.....
Best regards.............
Phil...
On 9-9-09, Vladdio wrote:
Phil,
I will contact the shipper shortly, but I don't want to have to remind you again. Please address me as "Pinky".
It is a sign of disrespect if you do not.
Pinky
On 9-9-09, Phil Michels wrote:
Well sorry for this disrespect Pinky, as soon as you receive the freight quote from the freight company , i will like you to email me with the grand total for the heaters and also for the shipping so that i will provide you with my credit card details to process for both payment ..And if there are any additional charges , you can bill my credit card for that....
On 9-10-09, Vladdio wrote to: SPEED.AIRFREIGHT1@YAHOO.COM (and copied to Phil)
Dear Shipper,
I'm forwarding this series of emails between Phil Michels and me for your information. This is regarding an order for three Hayward Pool Heaters for which you will be the shipper.
In spite of the strangely disrespectful way that Phil Michels has been treating me, I've decided to continue with this order. I'm really not sure how much contact you've had with him. I feel cheated that people such as you and I are forced to tolerate the pedestrian attitude and gutter-snipe behavior that low class people like Phil Michels exude. We don't need his stupid slights and insensitivities but sometimes we need his business. I'm just afraid that if I ever met him in person, he might stink of pig shit and hummus. He's representative of the human cockroaches and bottom-feeders that populate the underbelly of society. A worm. A slug. A pustule. Hopefully some exotic plague will come to cut short his pathetic little existence. I hope that if and when it does come, it's a painful and humiliating end.
...now where was I....
Oh yes. The heaters... The heaters will be on 4' x 4' palates. Each unit will be 38" high and each will weigh 320 lbs.
Please forward me an options list of best pick-up dates.
Thank you.
Pinky Slobberino
On 9-10-09, Phil Michels wrote:
ARE YOU REALLY READY TO DO BUSINESS WITH ME ...
On 9-10-09, Vladdio wrote:
Phil,
Your email should read: "Pinky, are you really ready to do business with me?" (You also forgot the question mark.)
But anyway, I figured that if your shipper can find the patience to deal with you, then so can I.
The Booger Blasters are in stock and ready to ship. For our records, I'll need a Purchase Order Number. Also please send me the job name and location.
What is the credit card you will be using? And the shipper hasn't contacted me yet, so I still don't have a schedule of pick-up. Please contact him and have him contact me.
Pinky
From: Phil Michels [mailto:phil.michels47@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 2009 7:27 PM
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Subject: Pool Heater Order
On 9-2-09, Phil Michaels wrote:
Hello Sir/Madam
This is Mr Phil Michels And I Will Like To Know If You Can Order Me ANatural Gas 400,000 BTU Pool Heater . I Will Be More Than Happy If You Can E:Mail Me With The Quote on 3 units of that Plus Tax But exclude shipping cause i will recommend a freight company that will come pick them as soon as i make payment. Also I Will Like To Know If You Accept Credit Card As A Method Of Payment So That I Can Arrange For The Payment Immediately. Hope to hear from you soon.....
Thank You.
Phil...
On 9-7-09, Vladdio wrote:
Phil Michaels,
Your name was forwarded to me.
The answer to all of your questions is YES.
How else can I help you?
Pinky Slobberino
Heater Czar of the Midwest
On 9-8-09, Phil Michaels wrote:
Hello , i will like you to email me with the pick up quote on 3 units of hayward miivolt heater ....-
On 9-9-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Phil,
In my country, we address each other by our first name.
If you'd like to do business with me, please address me as "Pinky".
Following that, I will quote you on the Hayward heaters.
Thank you.
Pinky Slobberino
On 9-9-09, Phil Michels wrote:
Hello Pinky, still awating the quote ....
On 9-9-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Phil,
The Hayward 400,000 BTU Natural Gas Millivolt heater with waffles is $1,895. There is no tax.
This is our most popular model. In the industry it's known as the "Booger-Blaster" in honor of the inventor, Simon "Tangerine" Blaster. I'm not really sure where the "booger" part came from.
Three (3) units x $1,895 = $5,685
We're having an end of year "reverse" special on the Booger-Blaster. And we add 12%, so your cost would be $6,367.20. If you'd like to participate in this special, let me know. Otherwise your cost would be $5,685.00.
How would you like to handle payment and shipping?
I accept ALL credit cards except one.
Please let me know how you would like to proceed.
Thank you.
Pinky
On 9-9-09, Phil Michels wrote:
Hello ,thanks for the quote, before i arrange for payment, i will like you to do me a favor and contact the freight company that i want to use @ (SPEED.AIRFREIGHT1@YAHOO.COM) with the weight and size of the heaters so that they will give you the shipping cost of shipping them from your address to the following address:
David & Co. Inc.
440 airport residential area,
Accra-Ghana00233.
I will like you to get back to me with grand total for the packages and also for the shipping as soon as they e-mail you with the shipping cost so that i will arrange for payment immediately .
Hope to hear from you real soon.....
Best regards.............
Phil...
On 9-9-09, Vladdio wrote:
Phil,
I will contact the shipper shortly, but I don't want to have to remind you again. Please address me as "Pinky".
It is a sign of disrespect if you do not.
Pinky
On 9-9-09, Phil Michels wrote:
Well sorry for this disrespect Pinky, as soon as you receive the freight quote from the freight company , i will like you to email me with the grand total for the heaters and also for the shipping so that i will provide you with my credit card details to process for both payment ..And if there are any additional charges , you can bill my credit card for that....
On 9-10-09, Vladdio wrote to: SPEED.AIRFREIGHT1@YAHOO.COM (and copied to Phil)
Dear Shipper,
I'm forwarding this series of emails between Phil Michels and me for your information. This is regarding an order for three Hayward Pool Heaters for which you will be the shipper.
In spite of the strangely disrespectful way that Phil Michels has been treating me, I've decided to continue with this order. I'm really not sure how much contact you've had with him. I feel cheated that people such as you and I are forced to tolerate the pedestrian attitude and gutter-snipe behavior that low class people like Phil Michels exude. We don't need his stupid slights and insensitivities but sometimes we need his business. I'm just afraid that if I ever met him in person, he might stink of pig shit and hummus. He's representative of the human cockroaches and bottom-feeders that populate the underbelly of society. A worm. A slug. A pustule. Hopefully some exotic plague will come to cut short his pathetic little existence. I hope that if and when it does come, it's a painful and humiliating end.
...now where was I....
Oh yes. The heaters... The heaters will be on 4' x 4' palates. Each unit will be 38" high and each will weigh 320 lbs.
Please forward me an options list of best pick-up dates.
Thank you.
Pinky Slobberino
On 9-10-09, Phil Michels wrote:
ARE YOU REALLY READY TO DO BUSINESS WITH ME ...
On 9-10-09, Vladdio wrote:
Phil,
Your email should read: "Pinky, are you really ready to do business with me?" (You also forgot the question mark.)
But anyway, I figured that if your shipper can find the patience to deal with you, then so can I.
The Booger Blasters are in stock and ready to ship. For our records, I'll need a Purchase Order Number. Also please send me the job name and location.
What is the credit card you will be using? And the shipper hasn't contacted me yet, so I still don't have a schedule of pick-up. Please contact him and have him contact me.
Pinky
A Scam By Any Other Name
...would be as long.
Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 2009 7:30 PM
Subject: Good Day !!!
On 9-2-09, Jenny Smith wrote:
Hello Seller...
I am interested in your lovely ( Safety Pool Cover – 16 x 32 mesh Loop-Loc ) you have on stumbleherei,Is it still available for sale ?If yes pls do email me back its present conditions and your last asking price and do email me some pictures for a closer look if available...Bye for now and i shall be looking forward to hearing from you....
Stay Bless
Jenny
On 9-3-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Jenny,
Your name was forwarded to me.
Thank you for your interest in our lovely pool cover. And yes, it is still available for sale and is - you probably guessed - in lovely condition.
The asking price for this cover is $1,099.
I'm afraid I don't have a photo of the cover but I did attach a photo of myself.
I am a single and lonely man, living here in the United States, just waiting for the right woman to come along. I don't know if you are married or not, dear Jenny, but I should tell you that I was captivated by the nuance of your email. I would like to hear more from you. Please continue to write.
All Hail Discordia!
Alpo Chino
On 9-3-09, Jenny Smith wrote:
Thanks so much for the email, I'm happy you still have the ads for sale , I'm currently not in town for now,I'm Okay with your asking price which is {$1,099} bcos i have a local pick-up agent that will come to your resident for the pick-up but that will be after when i send you the payment and the payment is recieved by you ,Now i want you to email me back the following information such as:
Your Full Name:
Your full Contact address:
Your City:
Your State:
Your Zipcode:
Your Cell/home phone number :
So that the payment can be mailed out to you without any further delay, Meanwhile the payment will be mailed out by Certified Cashier Check, I await your payment info Today ,Thank you
On 9-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Jenny,
I hope the following information is not too confusing for you. I thought it would be easier to just fill in the blanks.
Your Full Name: The Grand Duke Otto Pancreas Von Vander Multi-Polyp Sally Alpo Chino Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt, XXX, Esquire (Retired)
Your full Contact address: 1600 Diverticulitis Place
Your City: Pontius Pilate
Your State: Vermont
Your Zipcode: 05156
Your Cell/home phone number : 800-867-5309
I think your method of ordering and payment is very fair and well thought out. I compliment you on your fine system.
Please make the check payable to The Grand Duke Otto Pancreas Von Vander Multi-Polyp Sally Alpo Chino Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt, XXX, Esquire (Retired)
Thank you,
Alpo
On 9-3-09, Jenny Smith wrote:
I am glad to hear from you...but unfuctunately the name you gave me to issue the check on cant occupy the space on my check book so pls email me back a short name to write the check to Pls....
remail me back yourfull name,your full contact address plus your postal code including your contact phone number so i can go issue out the payment to you with out any delay...
Stay Bless
Jenny---
On 9-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Jenny Oh Jenny!,
This name length has always been the bane of my existence. However my father, Archibald Byron Tuckwilla Stargazer P'Tooey Hambone Freebish Tarfeathers Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt (GED), decided when I was born that I would not be strapped with a common name such as his. My mother, Sally Siesta Mumbles Garage-Mate Flat-Iron Hawk Ivaneska Bustier, fought my father for weeks about it. In fact, the name controversy raged for so long, I left the hospital nameless. I'm told the doctors and nurses referred to me as "that ugly kid in Room 222". (As you can see, my parents compromised)
Be that as it may, I am stuck with the moniker applied to me and my bank refuses to clear any checks made out to me without my complete name.
Therefore here is what I suggest: Write very small. Or take the check to your local Kinkos and have them enlarge it.
Please try again.
Thanks,
Alpo
From: Jenny Smith [mailto:smith_jenny1222@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 2009 7:30 PM
Subject: Good Day !!!
On 9-2-09, Jenny Smith wrote:
Hello Seller...
I am interested in your lovely ( Safety Pool Cover – 16 x 32 mesh Loop-Loc ) you have on stumbleherei,Is it still available for sale ?If yes pls do email me back its present conditions and your last asking price and do email me some pictures for a closer look if available...Bye for now and i shall be looking forward to hearing from you....
Stay Bless
Jenny
On 9-3-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Jenny,
Your name was forwarded to me.
Thank you for your interest in our lovely pool cover. And yes, it is still available for sale and is - you probably guessed - in lovely condition.
The asking price for this cover is $1,099.
I'm afraid I don't have a photo of the cover but I did attach a photo of myself.
I am a single and lonely man, living here in the United States, just waiting for the right woman to come along. I don't know if you are married or not, dear Jenny, but I should tell you that I was captivated by the nuance of your email. I would like to hear more from you. Please continue to write.
All Hail Discordia!
Alpo Chino
On 9-3-09, Jenny Smith wrote:
Thanks so much for the email, I'm happy you still have the ads for sale , I'm currently not in town for now,I'm Okay with your asking price which is {$1,099} bcos i have a local pick-up agent that will come to your resident for the pick-up but that will be after when i send you the payment and the payment is recieved by you ,Now i want you to email me back the following information such as:
Your Full Name:
Your full Contact address:
Your City:
Your State:
Your Zipcode:
Your Cell/home phone number :
So that the payment can be mailed out to you without any further delay, Meanwhile the payment will be mailed out by Certified Cashier Check, I await your payment info Today ,Thank you
On 9-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Jenny,
I hope the following information is not too confusing for you. I thought it would be easier to just fill in the blanks.
Your Full Name: The Grand Duke Otto Pancreas Von Vander Multi-Polyp Sally Alpo Chino Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt, XXX, Esquire (Retired)
Your full Contact address: 1600 Diverticulitis Place
Your City: Pontius Pilate
Your State: Vermont
Your Zipcode: 05156
Your Cell/home phone number : 800-867-5309
I think your method of ordering and payment is very fair and well thought out. I compliment you on your fine system.
Please make the check payable to The Grand Duke Otto Pancreas Von Vander Multi-Polyp Sally Alpo Chino Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt, XXX, Esquire (Retired)
Thank you,
Alpo
On 9-3-09, Jenny Smith wrote:
I am glad to hear from you...but unfuctunately the name you gave me to issue the check on cant occupy the space on my check book so pls email me back a short name to write the check to Pls....
remail me back yourfull name,your full contact address plus your postal code including your contact phone number so i can go issue out the payment to you with out any delay...
Stay Bless
Jenny---
On 9-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Jenny Oh Jenny!,
This name length has always been the bane of my existence. However my father, Archibald Byron Tuckwilla Stargazer P'Tooey Hambone Freebish Tarfeathers Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt (GED), decided when I was born that I would not be strapped with a common name such as his. My mother, Sally Siesta Mumbles Garage-Mate Flat-Iron Hawk Ivaneska Bustier, fought my father for weeks about it. In fact, the name controversy raged for so long, I left the hospital nameless. I'm told the doctors and nurses referred to me as "that ugly kid in Room 222". (As you can see, my parents compromised)
Be that as it may, I am stuck with the moniker applied to me and my bank refuses to clear any checks made out to me without my complete name.
Therefore here is what I suggest: Write very small. Or take the check to your local Kinkos and have them enlarge it.
Please try again.
Thanks,
Alpo
Next Time... The Soft Sell
...but then again, somebody must need 20,000 covers!
From: Don Carlos [mailto:mr.doncarlos3@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 2009 5:52 PM
Subject: Pool Cover...
On 9-2-09, Don Carlos wrote:
Dear Customer,
My name is Mr Don Carlos and i send you this email to know if do have Pool Cover for sell and if yes i will like you to get me the cost of the plus the tax Mesh Safety Cover for 16' x 38' Pool so that i can give you the quantities that i am interested and None includes shipping so that i can Because i will recomand you to A Freight Company that will come to your Location for the Pick up as soon as the Pool Cover ready for Pick up,so Go Ahead and Quote to me the Total Price,and Let me know How soon you can Get Them Ready for Pick up as well as the Method of Payment that you accept,Looking Forward to Hear From you and To Work with You..
Thank you
Stay Blessed
On 9-2-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Don,
Your information was forwarded to me.
Yes we do still have the pool cover for sale. It is $1,097.00 plus tax. Regarding quantities, we have 4,000 units in stock. If you require more, please let me know. We are capable of producing 800 each day. So if you needed 8,000 altogether, we could have a total package ready to ship in 5 days.
However most of our customers are not as ambitious as you. Most only order this size cover in lots of 2,500. You are indeed exceptional in your ordering demands.
...I don't want you to think we are a small operation or that we can only produce on a small scale. If you really needed 20,000 16' x 38' pool covers, I'm sure we can accommodate you. We would just bring on some temporary help and put on a second shift. And we can work weekends too.
...in fact that's just what I'm setting up right now. We'll have your 20,000 pool covers ready to ship to you by Friday, September 11, 2009.
Pricing, of course, is discounted for this kind of quantity. 20,000 x $1,097 = $21,940,000. We can give you a very good discount of 9%. This would bring your total cost down to $19,965,400. This is a savings of almost 2 million dollars.
Will you be using a credit card?
Thank you,
John Stown Flood
From: Don Carlos [mailto:mr.doncarlos3@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 2009 5:52 PM
Subject: Pool Cover...
On 9-2-09, Don Carlos wrote:
Dear Customer,
My name is Mr Don Carlos and i send you this email to know if do have Pool Cover for sell and if yes i will like you to get me the cost of the plus the tax Mesh Safety Cover for 16' x 38' Pool so that i can give you the quantities that i am interested and None includes shipping so that i can Because i will recomand you to A Freight Company that will come to your Location for the Pick up as soon as the Pool Cover ready for Pick up,so Go Ahead and Quote to me the Total Price,and Let me know How soon you can Get Them Ready for Pick up as well as the Method of Payment that you accept,Looking Forward to Hear From you and To Work with You..
Thank you
Stay Blessed
On 9-2-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Don,
Your information was forwarded to me.
Yes we do still have the pool cover for sale. It is $1,097.00 plus tax. Regarding quantities, we have 4,000 units in stock. If you require more, please let me know. We are capable of producing 800 each day. So if you needed 8,000 altogether, we could have a total package ready to ship in 5 days.
However most of our customers are not as ambitious as you. Most only order this size cover in lots of 2,500. You are indeed exceptional in your ordering demands.
...I don't want you to think we are a small operation or that we can only produce on a small scale. If you really needed 20,000 16' x 38' pool covers, I'm sure we can accommodate you. We would just bring on some temporary help and put on a second shift. And we can work weekends too.
...in fact that's just what I'm setting up right now. We'll have your 20,000 pool covers ready to ship to you by Friday, September 11, 2009.
Pricing, of course, is discounted for this kind of quantity. 20,000 x $1,097 = $21,940,000. We can give you a very good discount of 9%. This would bring your total cost down to $19,965,400. This is a savings of almost 2 million dollars.
Will you be using a credit card?
Thank you,
John Stown Flood
Don't Be So Paranoid, Don Murphy
...when has Dr. Mengele ever done anything questionable?
From: Don Murphy [mailto:mtn0243@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 2:39 AM
To: info@xxxxxxxxx.com
Subject: ORDER
On 8-29-09, Don Murphy wrote:
Dear Sir /Madam
My name is Don Murphy and am interested in some chain link fence.i need a Quote on size 6 feet high x 11 gauge , no poles and gates,only materials.I will much appreciate if you get back to me with the total cost for 2000 feet and also advice if u accept credit card for payment ...Wish you all the best in business and hope to hear from you soon.
Best Regards
D.Murphy.
On 8-31-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Don Murphy,
Your request for pricing information on 2000' of chain link fence was forwarded to me. I am the sales manager for the largest chain link fence supplier east of the Pecos.
Your total cost for 2000' of fence, 6' high x 11 gauge is $17,910.00.
Yes we accept all major credit cards.
Thank you for your interest,
Joseph Mengele
On 8-31-09, Don Murphy wrote:
I am glad to see your email with the quote,Well am ok with the cost and would like to recommend a freight company for the pickup. Actually am shipping the Fence to Ghana and will like to know the shipping cost before I go ahead and arrange for the payment .I will like you to contact this freight company for the pickup (westendshippingcoltd@yahoo.com) And tell them you are shipping Fence of the total weight XXX , size and it is going to the address below:
Don Fence Inc.
Ring Road Central
Accra-Ghana-00233
The Shipping Company will also handle the packaging and crating also include your Pickup Location Address and they will surely get back to you with the freight quote.As soon as they get back to you with the freight quote,notify me via email with the subtotal cost of the order plus the shipping quote so that I can finalize the order with my credit card .Waiting to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Don
On 8-31-09, Vladdio wrote to 'westendshippingcoltd@yahoo.com':
Dear Freight Company,
Don Fence asked that I contact you regarding a shipment of murphy which we will be selling to him. See below for the address. The weight of this parcel will be 500 tons.
In the past we have done the crating of our own outgoing shipments, but my dear friend, Don, insisted that you do it. He has privately confided in me that there is no better packaging and crating company in the world that does as fine a job as you. I personally have seen some of your work and I must say I agree with him. I think that if there were awards for packaging, you should certainly get one. Bravo!
Please note that along with the fence, we will be sending some additional material. I've cleared this with my good and dear friend, Don, and he assured me that it is alright. Therefore there is no need to question him about it. It will not appear on the manifest. The additional packages are already crated, and the boxes are marked "Dental Instruments". When everything arrives in Ghana, an heavily armed contingent of my security representatives will be on hand to greet the plane and escort the "Dental Instruments" to a private location for a brief inspection and then transferred to a dummy convoy. Several decoy vehicles will take off in random directions, a few of which will actually carry the "Dental Instruments". For the sake of security, I would appreciate it if your men did not speak to, or distract, any of my men.
When the time comes, I will need to know the exact location of police stations and military bases in the area.
Please let me know if you need any other information from me.
Thank you,
Dr. Mengele
From: Don Murphy [mailto:mtn0243@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 2:39 AM
To: info@xxxxxxxxx.com
Subject: ORDER
On 8-29-09, Don Murphy wrote:
Dear Sir /Madam
My name is Don Murphy and am interested in some chain link fence.i need a Quote on size 6 feet high x 11 gauge , no poles and gates,only materials.I will much appreciate if you get back to me with the total cost for 2000 feet and also advice if u accept credit card for payment ...Wish you all the best in business and hope to hear from you soon.
Best Regards
D.Murphy.
On 8-31-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Don Murphy,
Your request for pricing information on 2000' of chain link fence was forwarded to me. I am the sales manager for the largest chain link fence supplier east of the Pecos.
Your total cost for 2000' of fence, 6' high x 11 gauge is $17,910.00.
Yes we accept all major credit cards.
Thank you for your interest,
Joseph Mengele
On 8-31-09, Don Murphy wrote:
I am glad to see your email with the quote,Well am ok with the cost and would like to recommend a freight company for the pickup. Actually am shipping the Fence to Ghana and will like to know the shipping cost before I go ahead and arrange for the payment .I will like you to contact this freight company for the pickup (westendshippingcoltd@yahoo.com) And tell them you are shipping Fence of the total weight XXX , size and it is going to the address below:
Don Fence Inc.
Ring Road Central
Accra-Ghana-00233
The Shipping Company will also handle the packaging and crating also include your Pickup Location Address and they will surely get back to you with the freight quote.As soon as they get back to you with the freight quote,notify me via email with the subtotal cost of the order plus the shipping quote so that I can finalize the order with my credit card .Waiting to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Don
On 8-31-09, Vladdio wrote to 'westendshippingcoltd@yahoo.com':
Dear Freight Company,
Don Fence asked that I contact you regarding a shipment of murphy which we will be selling to him. See below for the address. The weight of this parcel will be 500 tons.
In the past we have done the crating of our own outgoing shipments, but my dear friend, Don, insisted that you do it. He has privately confided in me that there is no better packaging and crating company in the world that does as fine a job as you. I personally have seen some of your work and I must say I agree with him. I think that if there were awards for packaging, you should certainly get one. Bravo!
Please note that along with the fence, we will be sending some additional material. I've cleared this with my good and dear friend, Don, and he assured me that it is alright. Therefore there is no need to question him about it. It will not appear on the manifest. The additional packages are already crated, and the boxes are marked "Dental Instruments". When everything arrives in Ghana, an heavily armed contingent of my security representatives will be on hand to greet the plane and escort the "Dental Instruments" to a private location for a brief inspection and then transferred to a dummy convoy. Several decoy vehicles will take off in random directions, a few of which will actually carry the "Dental Instruments". For the sake of security, I would appreciate it if your men did not speak to, or distract, any of my men.
When the time comes, I will need to know the exact location of police stations and military bases in the area.
Please let me know if you need any other information from me.
Thank you,
Dr. Mengele
Presenting..... Vlad Diomerde!
...what can I say? I panicked.
From: nicolas steven [mailto:nicolas_steven101@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, August 28, 2009 12:55 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.net
Subject: Mesh Loop-Loc Pool Cover for 18 x 36 Pool (PA, NJ, DE)
On 8-28-09, Nicolas Steven wrote:
Hello,
Is this advert still available ? get back to me with the price
Thanks.
Nicolas
On 8-28-09 Vladdio wrote:
Yes it is still available.
Mesh Loop-Loc Pool Cover for 18 x 36 Pool - $1099
(This is, in fact, exactly how the item was titled on Craigslist.)
On 8-30-09 Nicolas Steven wrote:
Subject: email me back....
Hello,
Thanks for the prompt reply. Well i am okay with the asking price ($1099) for the (Mesh Loop-Loc Pool Cover ) and i don't want you to worry abt the shipping because i have a shipping company that will be coming for the Pick up of the Advert at your residence as soon as payment has been made.
I also want you to know that i will be paying via Money Order and it willcontain both your asking price and the shipping fees via my shipping company and no pick up will be made until Money order is cleared and cashed by you and here are the details needed so that i can mail the Money order with no delay
FULL NAME:
ADDRESS :
PROVINCE,STATE:
POSTAL CODE:
TEL #:
As soon as this is received the payment will be mailed out with no further delay I await your response.
Regards
On 8-30-09 Vladdio wrote:
Nicolas,
Your information has been forwarded to me. My name is Vlad Diomerde. I run security for many online businesses and I have a contract with Best Defense Pool Enclosures.
I have been instructed on their behalf to thank you for your interest and for your order.
I am presently running a preliminary diagnostic of your email address. We work in conjunction with many of the larger search engines and some of the smaller ones. From this effort we can determine such information as true name (originators identity), general geographical location (for example, we are now certain that you are living in West Africa), and ultimately country of origin including postal address. As this investigation winds to an end we will also know your IP number. With this we will be able to pin-point your exact location anywhere in the world as long as you are with your computer.
This is usually not meant to alarm people. We are simply trying to reduce the amount of internet fraud by separating the real customers from the scammers. I would like to tell you this to assure you that you are safe to continue with your internet sales and purchases but the simple fact that you are trying to buy a "pool cover" in the United Sates while you are in fact in West Africa leaves us to suspect your motives.
As I am writing this to you, I was forwarded a duplicate email from you to my customer. This actually helps to hasten our diagnostic and means that we will have ALL of your information very soon. Thank you. Please note that if you are residing in a country that has international trade agreements with the United States, an official from your own government, accompanied by our representatives, will be visiting you shortly. For your information, we have agreements with Burkina Faso, Ghana, Benin, Cote D'Ivoire, Togo, Nigeria and Cameroon among others in your area.
Thank you for your time and attention. I hope this email finds you well.
Vlad Diomerde, SDII
From: nicolas steven [mailto:nicolas_steven101@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, August 28, 2009 12:55 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.net
Subject: Mesh Loop-Loc Pool Cover for 18 x 36 Pool (PA, NJ, DE)
On 8-28-09, Nicolas Steven wrote:
Hello,
Is this advert still available ? get back to me with the price
Thanks.
Nicolas
On 8-28-09 Vladdio wrote:
Yes it is still available.
Mesh Loop-Loc Pool Cover for 18 x 36 Pool - $1099
(This is, in fact, exactly how the item was titled on Craigslist.)
On 8-30-09 Nicolas Steven wrote:
Subject: email me back....
Hello,
Thanks for the prompt reply. Well i am okay with the asking price ($1099) for the (Mesh Loop-Loc Pool Cover ) and i don't want you to worry abt the shipping because i have a shipping company that will be coming for the Pick up of the Advert at your residence as soon as payment has been made.
I also want you to know that i will be paying via Money Order and it willcontain both your asking price and the shipping fees via my shipping company and no pick up will be made until Money order is cleared and cashed by you and here are the details needed so that i can mail the Money order with no delay
FULL NAME:
ADDRESS :
PROVINCE,STATE:
POSTAL CODE:
TEL #:
As soon as this is received the payment will be mailed out with no further delay I await your response.
Regards
On 8-30-09 Vladdio wrote:
Nicolas,
Your information has been forwarded to me. My name is Vlad Diomerde. I run security for many online businesses and I have a contract with Best Defense Pool Enclosures.
I have been instructed on their behalf to thank you for your interest and for your order.
I am presently running a preliminary diagnostic of your email address. We work in conjunction with many of the larger search engines and some of the smaller ones. From this effort we can determine such information as true name (originators identity), general geographical location (for example, we are now certain that you are living in West Africa), and ultimately country of origin including postal address. As this investigation winds to an end we will also know your IP number. With this we will be able to pin-point your exact location anywhere in the world as long as you are with your computer.
This is usually not meant to alarm people. We are simply trying to reduce the amount of internet fraud by separating the real customers from the scammers. I would like to tell you this to assure you that you are safe to continue with your internet sales and purchases but the simple fact that you are trying to buy a "pool cover" in the United Sates while you are in fact in West Africa leaves us to suspect your motives.
As I am writing this to you, I was forwarded a duplicate email from you to my customer. This actually helps to hasten our diagnostic and means that we will have ALL of your information very soon. Thank you. Please note that if you are residing in a country that has international trade agreements with the United States, an official from your own government, accompanied by our representatives, will be visiting you shortly. For your information, we have agreements with Burkina Faso, Ghana, Benin, Cote D'Ivoire, Togo, Nigeria and Cameroon among others in your area.
Thank you for your time and attention. I hope this email finds you well.
Vlad Diomerde, SDII
Monday, October 26, 2009
The "No Follow-Up" Scam
...and yet they press on!
From: Danielwison
Sent: Tuesday, August 25, 2009 9:29 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.net
Subject: Check out the cool stuff I'm doing on "diddit"
On 8-25-09, Daniel Wison wrote:
I joined this site called Diddit where I'm finding fun things to do and checking off all the cool things I've done in my life. To see all the adventures I've been having, just click this link:
http://www. (I'm not about to promote this guys favorite website)
"Hello , I would love to know if your item on craigslist is still available for sale, i would love to purchase this item as soon as possible,so please kindly withdraw the advert from Craigslist and i would really appreciate it if you can keep the item in a very perfect condition till my mover comes to pick the item up.I would also want you to know that i will be paying via check due to the distance as i am located in Galbraith Rd, Tampa here in Florida and I am ready to give you an extra $25 dollars if you are going to keep the item for me in a very good condition.I will need you to provide me with this vital information to enhance the mailing of the payment.i would want you to get back to me with your last price for the item along with mailing information. 1.Your full name 2.Your mailing address be it residential not p o.box 3.Your phone number.(land or cell) **Once again ,I will like you to know that you will not be responsible for shipment i will have my private mover to come over as soon as you have cashed the check to come and pick the item up for me.i would want you to get back to me with the last price for the item and i would like you to know that i will be mailing the payment tomorrow if you i get the necessary information today in order to seal up the transaction asap.kindly get back to me via my email danielwison86@gmail.com Thanks , Daniel Wilson
"Danielwison (danielwison86@gmail.com)
On 8-26-09, Vladdio wrote:
Wow! Daniel!
This is fantastic! You're like the 6 person today to respond to my Craigslist listing! I didn't know my product was so much in demand.
Unfortunately for you I already sold it. Well, that is, I sort of closed the deal on it. Another guy offered me a very similar arrangement that you did. He said he'd give me his credit card number and I could charge the full amount for the product - NO DEPOSIT! Now that's what I call trusting your fellow man. Of course I had to agree to send his shipper some money, but he's adding that to the credit card charge so in the end it all comes out fair and even. He's even giving me an extra $50 just for my inconvenience. Hell there is no inconvenience!
Ok. I'm running on about my good luck and that's really not why I'm answering your email. I feel sorry for all of the people who wanted to buy my product so I wanted to tell you that I have more to sell - in case you're interested.
Are you?
I'll need some info from you but - hey, you asked first so here's my info:
Name: Vlad Diomerde
Address: Sorry, but I'm between houses. My old man threw me out a couple of months and I've been living with this old priest at this church, St. Fanork the Positive. He's been trying to get me into a missionary position in Ghana and I finally agreed. He'll be giving me some hands-on training tomorrow - he says - and then off to Ghana - wherever the hell that is.
Phone Number: Hmmm. Most of my calls are answered by Father Homobonus
I'll tell you what, how about giving me your phone number and then I can call you when I get a chance to use the phone. Sound good?
By the way, it's too bad about the way they screwed up your email address danielwison86@gmail.com. I mean what with your name being Daniel Wilson and all. You'd think them idiots at the email store would have spelled it right. Leaving out the "L" is soooo stupid.
Waiting for your response.
Vlad
From: Danielwison
Sent: Tuesday, August 25, 2009 9:29 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.net
Subject: Check out the cool stuff I'm doing on "diddit"
On 8-25-09, Daniel Wison wrote:
I joined this site called Diddit where I'm finding fun things to do and checking off all the cool things I've done in my life. To see all the adventures I've been having, just click this link:
http://www. (I'm not about to promote this guys favorite website)
"Hello , I would love to know if your item on craigslist is still available for sale, i would love to purchase this item as soon as possible,so please kindly withdraw the advert from Craigslist and i would really appreciate it if you can keep the item in a very perfect condition till my mover comes to pick the item up.I would also want you to know that i will be paying via check due to the distance as i am located in Galbraith Rd, Tampa here in Florida and I am ready to give you an extra $25 dollars if you are going to keep the item for me in a very good condition.I will need you to provide me with this vital information to enhance the mailing of the payment.i would want you to get back to me with your last price for the item along with mailing information. 1.Your full name 2.Your mailing address be it residential not p o.box 3.Your phone number.(land or cell) **Once again ,I will like you to know that you will not be responsible for shipment i will have my private mover to come over as soon as you have cashed the check to come and pick the item up for me.i would want you to get back to me with the last price for the item and i would like you to know that i will be mailing the payment tomorrow if you i get the necessary information today in order to seal up the transaction asap.kindly get back to me via my email danielwison86@gmail.com Thanks , Daniel Wilson
"Danielwison (danielwison86@gmail.com)
On 8-26-09, Vladdio wrote:
Wow! Daniel!
This is fantastic! You're like the 6 person today to respond to my Craigslist listing! I didn't know my product was so much in demand.
Unfortunately for you I already sold it. Well, that is, I sort of closed the deal on it. Another guy offered me a very similar arrangement that you did. He said he'd give me his credit card number and I could charge the full amount for the product - NO DEPOSIT! Now that's what I call trusting your fellow man. Of course I had to agree to send his shipper some money, but he's adding that to the credit card charge so in the end it all comes out fair and even. He's even giving me an extra $50 just for my inconvenience. Hell there is no inconvenience!
Ok. I'm running on about my good luck and that's really not why I'm answering your email. I feel sorry for all of the people who wanted to buy my product so I wanted to tell you that I have more to sell - in case you're interested.
Are you?
I'll need some info from you but - hey, you asked first so here's my info:
Name: Vlad Diomerde
Address: Sorry, but I'm between houses. My old man threw me out a couple of months and I've been living with this old priest at this church, St. Fanork the Positive. He's been trying to get me into a missionary position in Ghana and I finally agreed. He'll be giving me some hands-on training tomorrow - he says - and then off to Ghana - wherever the hell that is.
Phone Number: Hmmm. Most of my calls are answered by Father Homobonus
I'll tell you what, how about giving me your phone number and then I can call you when I get a chance to use the phone. Sound good?
By the way, it's too bad about the way they screwed up your email address danielwison86@gmail.com. I mean what with your name being Daniel Wilson and all. You'd think them idiots at the email store would have spelled it right. Leaving out the "L" is soooo stupid.
Waiting for your response.
Vlad
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Nigeria's Got Nothin' On Ghana
...at least in Ghana, they stick around for a while.
-----Original Message-----
From: eric john [mailto:eric.john836@gmail.commailto:eric.john836@gmail.com> ]
Sent: Tuesday, August 25, 2009 7:39 PM
To: dxxxxx@xxxxxxxxx.net
Subject: INTERESTED IN YOU ORDER
On 8-25-09, Lewis Dupri wrote:
Hello Sales, My name is Lewis Dupri, an American .I live and work here inLagos,Nigeria.I got your contact through your website and I want to know ifyou will be able to supply me some product for my Store .I will be making mypayment via my American based credit .... Kindly get back to me so that Ican make my orders.
Thanks..
On 8-26-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Lewis,
Your name and information was forwarded to me. I am the district account manager for Nigeria, Sri Lanka, New Hebrides, Greenland, Korea (North and South), and Alabama with contacts whose name begins with letters A, B, C, D, P, T, X, and Z.
Thank you for taking the time to contact us.
(Just an aside, if you don't mind. I went to school with a "Lewis Dupri" back in the mid 90s. It would be such a coincidence if you were him. I know that he left the country several years ago, supposedly bound for Africa. Were you by any chance a business major at Brown University?)
Please let me know what product lines you are interested in. (I'm sorry to say our website was taken down recently, due to hacker infiltration. It should be up and running soon. Unfortunately our online catalogue is not available for view.)
We accept all major credit cards.
Thank you.
Vlad Diomerde
-----Original Message-----
From: eric john [mailto:eric.john836@gmail.commailto:eric.john836@gmail.com> ]
Sent: Tuesday, August 25, 2009 7:39 PM
To: dxxxxx@xxxxxxxxx.net
Subject: INTERESTED IN YOU ORDER
On 8-25-09, Lewis Dupri wrote:
Hello Sales, My name is Lewis Dupri, an American .I live and work here inLagos,Nigeria.I got your contact through your website and I want to know ifyou will be able to supply me some product for my Store .I will be making mypayment via my American based credit .... Kindly get back to me so that Ican make my orders.
Thanks..
On 8-26-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Lewis,
Your name and information was forwarded to me. I am the district account manager for Nigeria, Sri Lanka, New Hebrides, Greenland, Korea (North and South), and Alabama with contacts whose name begins with letters A, B, C, D, P, T, X, and Z.
Thank you for taking the time to contact us.
(Just an aside, if you don't mind. I went to school with a "Lewis Dupri" back in the mid 90s. It would be such a coincidence if you were him. I know that he left the country several years ago, supposedly bound for Africa. Were you by any chance a business major at Brown University?)
Please let me know what product lines you are interested in. (I'm sorry to say our website was taken down recently, due to hacker infiltration. It should be up and running soon. Unfortunately our online catalogue is not available for view.)
We accept all major credit cards.
Thank you.
Vlad Diomerde
Ya! A Swedish Scam!
...I think.
From: Mr. Dalvin Brown [mailto:brownson@greatbusinessservices.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 25, 2009 8:25 AM
To: undisclosed recipients:
Subject: Från Mr. DALVIN BROWN
On 8-25-09, Dalvin Brown wrote:
Dear Friend,
Hur mår du idag och din familj? Jag hoppas bra, jag är Mr Dalvin Brown. Från Haledon, nordvästra London, här i England. Jag arbetar för NatWest Bank Corporation London. Jag skriver dig från mitt kontor, som kommer att vara en stor fördel för oss båda. I min avdelning, som är biträdande chef (Greater London Regional Office, jag upptäckte en övergiven summan av $ 12.5 miljoner USA-dollar (tolv miljoner femhundratusen Us dollar) på ett konto som tillhör ett av våra utländska kunder Late Mr Thompson Morrison amerikansk medborgare som tyvärr miste livet i flygkrasch i Alaska Airlines Flight 261 som störtade den 31 januari 2000, även hans hustru och enda dotter.
Vid valet av kontaktar du är upphetsad av geografisk karaktär av var du bor, i synnerhet på grund av känslighet för transaktionen och sekretessen här. Nu är vår bank har väntat på någon av de anhöriga att komma upp för påståendet, men ingen har gjort det. Jag personligen har tappat målet att hitta de anhöriga för 2 år nu, jag söker ditt medgivande att presentera dig som de närmast anhöriga / Kommer Stödmottagande till avlidna så att intäkterna från detta konto värderas till 12,5 miljoner dollar kan betalas ut till dig.
Detta kommer att betalas ut eller delas i dessa procentsatser, 60% för mig och 40% till dig. Jag har fått alla nödvändiga juridiska dokument som kan användas för att backa upp detta påstående vi gör. Allt jag behöver göra är att fylla i ditt namn till handlingarna och legalisera det i domstol här för att visa dig som legitima.
mottagaren. Allt jag behöver nu är din ärliga samarbete, sekretess och pålitlighet för att vi betraktar denna transaktion igenom. Jag garanterar er att detta kommer att genomföras under ett legitimt system som skyddar dig mot eventuella brott mot lagen. Vänligen ge mig följande information som vi har 7 dagar att köra igenom det. Detta är mycket BRÅDSKANDE TACK.
1. Fullständigt namn ....................................
2. Telefonnumret ........................
3. Din Kontakt Adress :........................
4. Ålder :.........................................
5. Core Jobb / Yrke :.........................
6. Kön :..........................................
Att ha gått igenom ett metodiskt söka, jag bestämde mig för att kontakta dig hoppas att du kommer att tycka det här förslaget intressant. Var på din bekräftelse på detta meddelandet och ange ditt intresse kommer jag att lämna dig med mer information. Endeavor att meddela mig ert beslut snarare än att hålla mig väntar.
Hälsningar,
Mr Dalvin Brown
On 8-26-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ya! Ya! $ 12.5 miljoner USA-dollar mit ketchup und relish!
YA! YA! Jag hoppan der bra mit der JAG! OUCH!
Ve eaten der kitten! YA!
Kome und poop in der can! YA! Eaten der kitten!
YA!
From: Mr. Dalvin Brown [mailto:brownson@greatbusinessservices.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 25, 2009 8:25 AM
To: undisclosed recipients:
Subject: Från Mr. DALVIN BROWN
On 8-25-09, Dalvin Brown wrote:
Dear Friend,
Hur mår du idag och din familj? Jag hoppas bra, jag är Mr Dalvin Brown. Från Haledon, nordvästra London, här i England. Jag arbetar för NatWest Bank Corporation London. Jag skriver dig från mitt kontor, som kommer att vara en stor fördel för oss båda. I min avdelning, som är biträdande chef (Greater London Regional Office, jag upptäckte en övergiven summan av $ 12.5 miljoner USA-dollar (tolv miljoner femhundratusen Us dollar) på ett konto som tillhör ett av våra utländska kunder Late Mr Thompson Morrison amerikansk medborgare som tyvärr miste livet i flygkrasch i Alaska Airlines Flight 261 som störtade den 31 januari 2000, även hans hustru och enda dotter.
Vid valet av kontaktar du är upphetsad av geografisk karaktär av var du bor, i synnerhet på grund av känslighet för transaktionen och sekretessen här. Nu är vår bank har väntat på någon av de anhöriga att komma upp för påståendet, men ingen har gjort det. Jag personligen har tappat målet att hitta de anhöriga för 2 år nu, jag söker ditt medgivande att presentera dig som de närmast anhöriga / Kommer Stödmottagande till avlidna så att intäkterna från detta konto värderas till 12,5 miljoner dollar kan betalas ut till dig.
Detta kommer att betalas ut eller delas i dessa procentsatser, 60% för mig och 40% till dig. Jag har fått alla nödvändiga juridiska dokument som kan användas för att backa upp detta påstående vi gör. Allt jag behöver göra är att fylla i ditt namn till handlingarna och legalisera det i domstol här för att visa dig som legitima.
mottagaren. Allt jag behöver nu är din ärliga samarbete, sekretess och pålitlighet för att vi betraktar denna transaktion igenom. Jag garanterar er att detta kommer att genomföras under ett legitimt system som skyddar dig mot eventuella brott mot lagen. Vänligen ge mig följande information som vi har 7 dagar att köra igenom det. Detta är mycket BRÅDSKANDE TACK.
1. Fullständigt namn ....................................
2. Telefonnumret ........................
3. Din Kontakt Adress :........................
4. Ålder :.........................................
5. Core Jobb / Yrke :.........................
6. Kön :..........................................
Att ha gått igenom ett metodiskt söka, jag bestämde mig för att kontakta dig hoppas att du kommer att tycka det här förslaget intressant. Var på din bekräftelse på detta meddelandet och ange ditt intresse kommer jag att lämna dig med mer information. Endeavor att meddela mig ert beslut snarare än att hålla mig väntar.
Hälsningar,
Mr Dalvin Brown
On 8-26-09, Vladdio wrote:
Ya! Ya! $ 12.5 miljoner USA-dollar mit ketchup und relish!
YA! YA! Jag hoppan der bra mit der JAG! OUCH!
Ve eaten der kitten! YA!
Kome und poop in der can! YA! Eaten der kitten!
YA!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
With EVERYTHING to Choose From
... he chooses cheese.
From: Aran Smith
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 7:18 AM
Subject: Mail Order...
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Dear sales, My name is Aran Smith the owner of Fisher supply company, i am interested in purchasing some products from you for my clients, i will like to know if you accept credit card for payments? which type of credit cards you accept, and also if it is possible to pick up from your store, as i have my own shipper, that will be handling the shipment.Waiting for your reply so i can forward the products needed. Thank you. Aran Smith Owner, Fisher Supply Inc
On 8/20/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Smith,
Your note was forwarded to me. I handle all credit card inquiries as well as shipping and receiving.
We do accept credit cards. We accept Visa, Master Card, Discover, American Express and Poly-Gelt.
It is possible to pick up directly from our store.
Please direct all future correspondence to me. My name is Nag Panchami.
Please send me a detailed list of merchandise you would like to order.
Thank you.
Nag
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Can you get back to me with your website.Or you can get back to me with products you have in stock also with the price too.
Hope to hear from you..
Smith
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran,
I'm sorry to have to tell you that my website was recently broken into and everything was stolen except for 4 product lines. So I am off line. Right now all I have available are the following:
- cheese
- lawn furniture
- pet vitamins
- refrigerator magnets
Please don't let that worry you. I'm expecting 4 large trucks in tomorrow to replenish my stock of socks, decoy ducks, compost, gravel, stew, black arm-bands, lightning rods, and onyx.
I told my crew they'll all be working late to help stock the shelves. The rest of the month will be just as hectic, since more material will be coming in everyday. It's so frustrating to think that if we had only remembered to lock the side door, none of this would have happened.
Please let me know exactly what line of products you are interested in and I will check the delivery schedule for best time for pick-up. If you are looking for hub-caps or bean-bags, I know for a fact that they won't be in until the last week of September.
Thank you for your patience and I promise you that you will receive a very deep discount on anything you order - except for penny-whistles. They are already a penny and I can't reduce them any lower than that.
Nag.
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Thanks for your email,Here is the items we want to order but before i can tell you the qty that we want to order,i will like to know the prices of each of those items....
- pet vitamins
- refrigerator magnets
- cheese
Let me have the prices of those items each so that i can tell you the qty i want to order.
Kindly get back to me asap.
Hope to hear from you.
Aran
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Smith,
#1 - the pet vitamins are sold in parcels of 500. One parcel of 500 is priced at $45. You will probably need 12 parcels. That makes $540
#2 - the refrigerator magnets are sold by "refrigerator door" (or RD) square footage. One RD equals 160 units. 160 units is priced at $30. You will probably need 9 RD. That makes $270.
#3 - the cheese is sold by the bucket and each bucket is red, and weighs 4 lbs. This costs $9 per bucket. And 1 palate holds 300 cheese buckets. This should costs $2700 but you have to add the palate fee of $45. So the total cost of 1 loaded palate is $2745.
Your total cost for this order is $540 + $270 + $2745 and that equals $3555. And I promised you a deep discount so with special pricing this will cost you $3500 Total.
I will need to know the contact information of your shipping company so I can give them the weight and dimensions of the total order.
One more thing: With each order of 300 cheese buckets we give 80 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats. (These are green felt hats with photos of tiger lilies and marigolds on them.) These are free but there may be additional shipping charges. I won't include them if you think they may increase you shipping costs. Let me know.
Thank you.
Nag
On 8/21/09, Aran Smith wrote:
Thanks for the total quote of my order.The total cost of my order is quite correct and okay by me and I'm ready to pay the bills . Also want you to help me Charge another $2400 to a shipping agent who is going to pick up my ordered items from you. The $2400 that will be sent to the shipping agent is for the shipping of my order plus other items i ordered from different countries which will be deduct from my credit card.Also, I'm compensating you with the sum of $100 for the transfer fee and for your efforts. Please note that i should have given the shipping agency my credit card for him to deduct the shipping funds but he told me that he doesn't have the facilities to charge or debit credit card ,so that's why i bring my vote of confidence in you and i don't want you to betray the vote of confidence i put in you, so i want you to transfer the funds to him after you have make the charges and the money charged from my credit card in your account,then you can now make the transfer to the agent via western union.i would have love to do this my self but there no western union here around me,So the charges you'll make on my credit card will be:
Order Fee ($3500 )Agent fee,Transfer Fee plus shipping fare ( $2400 )Your Compensation ($100)
Note that my credit card will be charged for the amounts above .Please do get back to me if you are in the office right now so that i can forward my credit card details to you , then you can charge full amount and transfer the agent funds to him via Western Union.
Warmest Regard
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran Smith,
Almost everything in your previous email is acceptable to me. However two points must now be addressed.
First - My compensation. $100 is not acceptable to me. I will require $120. I have recently entered competitive kite flying and cannot move into the next level of competition without a custom Belgian Kite Tail. The Belgians design the finest kite tails in the world and I need that tail. Please do not approach my employer with this demand. I would be fired and an investigation into the mysterious "open side door caper" might point to me. I hope you understand. I need that tail therefore I need that $120. This is not negotiable. In your reply to this email, please write "$120 YES TO KITE TAIL BRIBE".
Second - The 80 hats I mentioned previously are already wrapped. Please accept them by writing "YES TO THE CONEY ISLAND POINTED FELT HATS".
Let me know which credit card you will be using. We normally use voice identification software to finalize the transaction. If you are unable to comply with this procedure, you can either forward us a retinal scan, or a thumb print, or your personal assurance that the credit card is valid.
Also, please let me know when your shipper will be coming for the pick-up.
Thank you. And congratulations. Welcome to our family of satisfied customers.
Nag Panchami
On 8-21-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Everything is ok i will get back to you with my credit card details on Monday.
On 8-24-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Subject: Re: Shipper Details...
Hello,
I will like you to reduce those items down to $2800 and the shipper fee to $180.
Kindly get back to me so that i can send you the credit card asap.
Hope to hear from you.
Aran
On 8/25/09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Aran,
I don't think it should be too difficult to reduce the total cost of the items to $2800. But I will need your approval before I send out a final invoice.
Here is what I suggest:
#1 The pet vitamins. Right now the quantity is 12 parcels of 500 vitamins. I could change that to 500 parcels of 12 vitamins and bring the cost down from $540 to $135. That saves you $405. You may ask how we can bring the cost down so drastically. That is because even though we would label the parcels as "Pet Vitamins" they would, in fact, be 1/4" chocolate covered wing nuts. Before you think that these would be unsafe for pets, I assure you that they are actually stainless steel. So even if they became lodged in the animal's bowels, they would not rust.
#2 The refrigerator magnets. Right now you are to receive 9 RD which is 1,440 units and your price is $270. We could actually bring the cost down to $45 if, instead, we were to use a supplier we know in Ghana. These magnets are extremely cheap and ugly and of very poor quality, but so is everything else that comes from Ghana. If you've ever been to Ghana, you would know what I'm talking about. The whole country is one messy shit-hole. Stinky, dirty, and smelly. Even the United Nations refers to it as "The Sphincter of West Africa". And the people are so ugly even blind people flinch when a Ghanan enters the room.
#3 The Cheese! I already gave you a whopping discount of $55 but I was able to find another way of reducing your cost. Right now your cost for the cheese is $2,690. In order to bring the price down $70 so that your total order would be $2800 I would need your cooperation and participation. Could you please send an autographed photo of yourself to the International Smith Society on my behalf? Through a rather strange coincidence I have a neighbor named Smith who is a 4th degree member. And as you probably know, the name "Smith" is one of the most uncommon names on the planet. (Unlike my name - Panchami. Everywhere I go I run into Panchamis. I can't tell you how many times I've been walking down the street and somebody calls out "Hey! Panchami!" and me and a half dozen other Panchamis turn around.) So whenever I happen to come across a genuine "Smith" and have that "Smith" register (with photo) into the Society, I get a $70 bounty. Yep. Smiths are as rare as smart Ghanans.
The shipper fee of $1800 (I'm guessing you made a typo) is your responsibility. If you'd like, I could speak to them. I've been very successful in the past in negotiations. Do you think they'd appreciate some FREE Coney Island Pointed Hats?
I await your approval on my suggestions and your credit card information.
Thank you.
Nag Panchami
On 8/25/09, Aran Smith wrote:
Hello,
I give you the approval to send me the final invoiceYes i understand you better...
Kindly get back to me asap so that i can send you my vice chairman credit card for the payment of those items and shipper including the Compensation too which is $120.
Kindly get back to me asap.
On 8-25-10, Aran Smith wrote:
Subject: Payment Details...
Thanks for getting back. I want you to know that my client are very much o.k with the orders and they said this orders are samples andthat they would still be ordering more and below here is my Vice chairman info to run for the total of the order Total ($4720 USD)
Instruction on Card:
Kindly charge this below accounts for $2360 each and after successfully charged, split charge balance and re-run to confirm for total confirmation.
Name on the credit card :Patricia Pflug (I changed the name)
Credit Card Number : xxxx xxxx xxxx XXXX
Cvv: xxx
Exp Date : 0x/20xx
Billing Address : xxxx Main St. (I changed the name)
City : St. Joseph
State :MO
Zip Code :64xxx
I await your confirmation that my Vice chairman has been charged so that i can send you my shipper's information for them to get the all documents ready for the pick up
Hope to read from you now.
Thank you
On 8/27/09, Vladdio wrote:
Aran Smith,
In light of the new information you provided and the fact that you've told me that the 1200 (one thousand, two hundred) lbs. (pounds) of cheese is to be considered "samples", I've decided to send you 12,000 (twelve thousand) lbs. (pounds) of cheese instead. That would be 10 (ten) palates of cheese buckets instead of the 1 (one) palate we had originally agreed upon. (This also means that you would receive 800 (eight hundred) genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats instead of the 80 (eighty) on the original order.)
Please don't thank me for this update of your order. Coincidentally I was just reading a newsletter, "The Cheese Lover's Guide to Line Dancing", and was stunned to see that your very own Vice Chairman, Patricia Pflug, who - by the way - should be addressed as "Chairwoman".... unless.... oh, never mind, is an aficionado of not only competitive line dancing, but also of cheese, magnets, and vitamins.
This certainly explains the peculiarity of your order.
And in truly another example of strange coincidence, I happen to be spending the next fortnight (14 days) in St. Joseph, MO (for the International Tug-Of-War Competition). I therefore decided to contact Ms.(?) Pflug as a courtesy. I was thinking that perhaps we could get together for a nice dinner. There's a very famous cheese restaurant in St. Joe called "Cheeses, Mary, and St. Joseph". I put in a call to her and left a message with her secretary Helga Panchami - no relation. I am now awaiting her response.
I won't run the credit card until you confirm the additional charges for the extra cheese. And by the way, the extra charge is $24,300. When confirmed I will process the new amount over 11 (eleven) days.
Also - and don't be alarmed or upset by this - 2 (two) nights ago, I accidentally left your email with Patricia's credit card number up on my screen overnight. The cleaning crew came in and could have possibly seen it. But they seem like a nice honest bunch, so I don't think they would have taken advantage of the information. However if you see any new charges for cleaning equipment or Mexican food on her next statement, please let me know.
Thank you.
And the order should be ready to ship by Monday.
Nag Panchami
On 8-28-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Nan Panchami
Yes this order is for samples,yes i made a mistake on it.... Also Patricia Pflug she not in states for now... Good to hear that from you that i willl order will be ready for my shipper to pick up on monday..I dont want you to run the credit card again because i called her and told me that she has deactive the credit card.
Let me know when you will be in office for me to call you and give you credit card for you to run and bill.
Kindly get back to me asap.
Aran Smith
On 8/28/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran Smith,
Yes, the order will be ready to ship on Monday but there are still some points that need to be addressed before that can happen. These are very important and I must have your cooperation immediately. Please do this right now. Answer the following questions and take the following actions:
1 - Do you want the 800 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats? Please write "YES TO THE CONEY ISLAND POINTED FELT HATS".
2 - Will you give me the $120 for the Belgian kite tail? Please write "$120 YES TO KITE TAIL BRIBE".
3 - Will you send me an autographed photo of yourself in order for me to receive the $70 bounty from the International Smith Society? YES or NO?
4 - Do you accept the update of the order from 1,200 lbs of cheese to 12,000 lbs of cheese? YES or NO? Please keep in mind that if you do not accept his update, you will only receive 80 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats instead of 800. And did I mention that these hats have tiger lilies and marigolds on them? They are very nice and you really shouldn't pass up this opportunity. And consider this: Do you think anyone else would ever offer you hats like these? I don't think so.
5 - I am still waiting for the retinal scan and/or thumb print.
6 - Can you think of a good name for my daughter's new pony? (I figured that as long as you were answering some questions, you might also be helpful in this regard.)
Also, I received an urgent message from Patricia directing me not to use her credit card. Her voice mail message was rather garbled with hysteria and profanity about you and Fisher Supply Company. I think the gist of the message was that she had no idea what was going on and she believed I was being duped and that her credit card information had been stolen. I believe she must have misunderstood what I was asking. (Too much line-dancing will do that to you.) Perhaps the pressures of being a chairman(?) were wearing on her. And yet, what was most troubling was that she never agreed to my dinner invitation. A true fan of cheese would never do that... it makes me wonder....
Nag
From: Aran Smith
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 7:18 AM
Subject: Mail Order...
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Dear sales, My name is Aran Smith the owner of Fisher supply company, i am interested in purchasing some products from you for my clients, i will like to know if you accept credit card for payments? which type of credit cards you accept, and also if it is possible to pick up from your store, as i have my own shipper, that will be handling the shipment.Waiting for your reply so i can forward the products needed. Thank you. Aran Smith Owner, Fisher Supply Inc
On 8/20/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Smith,
Your note was forwarded to me. I handle all credit card inquiries as well as shipping and receiving.
We do accept credit cards. We accept Visa, Master Card, Discover, American Express and Poly-Gelt.
It is possible to pick up directly from our store.
Please direct all future correspondence to me. My name is Nag Panchami.
Please send me a detailed list of merchandise you would like to order.
Thank you.
Nag
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Can you get back to me with your website.Or you can get back to me with products you have in stock also with the price too.
Hope to hear from you..
Smith
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran,
I'm sorry to have to tell you that my website was recently broken into and everything was stolen except for 4 product lines. So I am off line. Right now all I have available are the following:
- cheese
- lawn furniture
- pet vitamins
- refrigerator magnets
Please don't let that worry you. I'm expecting 4 large trucks in tomorrow to replenish my stock of socks, decoy ducks, compost, gravel, stew, black arm-bands, lightning rods, and onyx.
I told my crew they'll all be working late to help stock the shelves. The rest of the month will be just as hectic, since more material will be coming in everyday. It's so frustrating to think that if we had only remembered to lock the side door, none of this would have happened.
Please let me know exactly what line of products you are interested in and I will check the delivery schedule for best time for pick-up. If you are looking for hub-caps or bean-bags, I know for a fact that they won't be in until the last week of September.
Thank you for your patience and I promise you that you will receive a very deep discount on anything you order - except for penny-whistles. They are already a penny and I can't reduce them any lower than that.
Nag.
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Thanks for your email,Here is the items we want to order but before i can tell you the qty that we want to order,i will like to know the prices of each of those items....
- pet vitamins
- refrigerator magnets
- cheese
Let me have the prices of those items each so that i can tell you the qty i want to order.
Kindly get back to me asap.
Hope to hear from you.
Aran
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Smith,
#1 - the pet vitamins are sold in parcels of 500. One parcel of 500 is priced at $45. You will probably need 12 parcels. That makes $540
#2 - the refrigerator magnets are sold by "refrigerator door" (or RD) square footage. One RD equals 160 units. 160 units is priced at $30. You will probably need 9 RD. That makes $270.
#3 - the cheese is sold by the bucket and each bucket is red, and weighs 4 lbs. This costs $9 per bucket. And 1 palate holds 300 cheese buckets. This should costs $2700 but you have to add the palate fee of $45. So the total cost of 1 loaded palate is $2745.
Your total cost for this order is $540 + $270 + $2745 and that equals $3555. And I promised you a deep discount so with special pricing this will cost you $3500 Total.
I will need to know the contact information of your shipping company so I can give them the weight and dimensions of the total order.
One more thing: With each order of 300 cheese buckets we give 80 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats. (These are green felt hats with photos of tiger lilies and marigolds on them.) These are free but there may be additional shipping charges. I won't include them if you think they may increase you shipping costs. Let me know.
Thank you.
Nag
On 8/21/09, Aran Smith wrote:
Thanks for the total quote of my order.The total cost of my order is quite correct and okay by me and I'm ready to pay the bills . Also want you to help me Charge another $2400 to a shipping agent who is going to pick up my ordered items from you. The $2400 that will be sent to the shipping agent is for the shipping of my order plus other items i ordered from different countries which will be deduct from my credit card.Also, I'm compensating you with the sum of $100 for the transfer fee and for your efforts. Please note that i should have given the shipping agency my credit card for him to deduct the shipping funds but he told me that he doesn't have the facilities to charge or debit credit card ,so that's why i bring my vote of confidence in you and i don't want you to betray the vote of confidence i put in you, so i want you to transfer the funds to him after you have make the charges and the money charged from my credit card in your account,then you can now make the transfer to the agent via western union.i would have love to do this my self but there no western union here around me,So the charges you'll make on my credit card will be:
Order Fee ($3500 )Agent fee,Transfer Fee plus shipping fare ( $2400 )Your Compensation ($100)
Note that my credit card will be charged for the amounts above .Please do get back to me if you are in the office right now so that i can forward my credit card details to you , then you can charge full amount and transfer the agent funds to him via Western Union.
Warmest Regard
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran Smith,
Almost everything in your previous email is acceptable to me. However two points must now be addressed.
First - My compensation. $100 is not acceptable to me. I will require $120. I have recently entered competitive kite flying and cannot move into the next level of competition without a custom Belgian Kite Tail. The Belgians design the finest kite tails in the world and I need that tail. Please do not approach my employer with this demand. I would be fired and an investigation into the mysterious "open side door caper" might point to me. I hope you understand. I need that tail therefore I need that $120. This is not negotiable. In your reply to this email, please write "$120 YES TO KITE TAIL BRIBE".
Second - The 80 hats I mentioned previously are already wrapped. Please accept them by writing "YES TO THE CONEY ISLAND POINTED FELT HATS".
Let me know which credit card you will be using. We normally use voice identification software to finalize the transaction. If you are unable to comply with this procedure, you can either forward us a retinal scan, or a thumb print, or your personal assurance that the credit card is valid.
Also, please let me know when your shipper will be coming for the pick-up.
Thank you. And congratulations. Welcome to our family of satisfied customers.
Nag Panchami
On 8-21-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Everything is ok i will get back to you with my credit card details on Monday.
On 8-24-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Subject: Re: Shipper Details...
Hello,
I will like you to reduce those items down to $2800 and the shipper fee to $180.
Kindly get back to me so that i can send you the credit card asap.
Hope to hear from you.
Aran
On 8/25/09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Aran,
I don't think it should be too difficult to reduce the total cost of the items to $2800. But I will need your approval before I send out a final invoice.
Here is what I suggest:
#1 The pet vitamins. Right now the quantity is 12 parcels of 500 vitamins. I could change that to 500 parcels of 12 vitamins and bring the cost down from $540 to $135. That saves you $405. You may ask how we can bring the cost down so drastically. That is because even though we would label the parcels as "Pet Vitamins" they would, in fact, be 1/4" chocolate covered wing nuts. Before you think that these would be unsafe for pets, I assure you that they are actually stainless steel. So even if they became lodged in the animal's bowels, they would not rust.
#2 The refrigerator magnets. Right now you are to receive 9 RD which is 1,440 units and your price is $270. We could actually bring the cost down to $45 if, instead, we were to use a supplier we know in Ghana. These magnets are extremely cheap and ugly and of very poor quality, but so is everything else that comes from Ghana. If you've ever been to Ghana, you would know what I'm talking about. The whole country is one messy shit-hole. Stinky, dirty, and smelly. Even the United Nations refers to it as "The Sphincter of West Africa". And the people are so ugly even blind people flinch when a Ghanan enters the room.
#3 The Cheese! I already gave you a whopping discount of $55 but I was able to find another way of reducing your cost. Right now your cost for the cheese is $2,690. In order to bring the price down $70 so that your total order would be $2800 I would need your cooperation and participation. Could you please send an autographed photo of yourself to the International Smith Society on my behalf? Through a rather strange coincidence I have a neighbor named Smith who is a 4th degree member. And as you probably know, the name "Smith" is one of the most uncommon names on the planet. (Unlike my name - Panchami. Everywhere I go I run into Panchamis. I can't tell you how many times I've been walking down the street and somebody calls out "Hey! Panchami!" and me and a half dozen other Panchamis turn around.) So whenever I happen to come across a genuine "Smith" and have that "Smith" register (with photo) into the Society, I get a $70 bounty. Yep. Smiths are as rare as smart Ghanans.
The shipper fee of $1800 (I'm guessing you made a typo) is your responsibility. If you'd like, I could speak to them. I've been very successful in the past in negotiations. Do you think they'd appreciate some FREE Coney Island Pointed Hats?
I await your approval on my suggestions and your credit card information.
Thank you.
Nag Panchami
On 8/25/09, Aran Smith wrote:
Hello,
I give you the approval to send me the final invoiceYes i understand you better...
Kindly get back to me asap so that i can send you my vice chairman credit card for the payment of those items and shipper including the Compensation too which is $120.
Kindly get back to me asap.
On 8-25-10, Aran Smith wrote:
Subject: Payment Details...
Thanks for getting back. I want you to know that my client are very much o.k with the orders and they said this orders are samples andthat they would still be ordering more and below here is my Vice chairman info to run for the total of the order Total ($4720 USD)
Instruction on Card:
Kindly charge this below accounts for $2360 each and after successfully charged, split charge balance and re-run to confirm for total confirmation.
Name on the credit card :Patricia Pflug (I changed the name)
Credit Card Number : xxxx xxxx xxxx XXXX
Cvv: xxx
Exp Date : 0x/20xx
Billing Address : xxxx Main St. (I changed the name)
City : St. Joseph
State :MO
Zip Code :64xxx
I await your confirmation that my Vice chairman has been charged so that i can send you my shipper's information for them to get the all documents ready for the pick up
Hope to read from you now.
Thank you
On 8/27/09, Vladdio wrote:
Aran Smith,
In light of the new information you provided and the fact that you've told me that the 1200 (one thousand, two hundred) lbs. (pounds) of cheese is to be considered "samples", I've decided to send you 12,000 (twelve thousand) lbs. (pounds) of cheese instead. That would be 10 (ten) palates of cheese buckets instead of the 1 (one) palate we had originally agreed upon. (This also means that you would receive 800 (eight hundred) genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats instead of the 80 (eighty) on the original order.)
Please don't thank me for this update of your order. Coincidentally I was just reading a newsletter, "The Cheese Lover's Guide to Line Dancing", and was stunned to see that your very own Vice Chairman, Patricia Pflug, who - by the way - should be addressed as "Chairwoman".... unless.... oh, never mind, is an aficionado of not only competitive line dancing, but also of cheese, magnets, and vitamins.
This certainly explains the peculiarity of your order.
And in truly another example of strange coincidence, I happen to be spending the next fortnight (14 days) in St. Joseph, MO (for the International Tug-Of-War Competition). I therefore decided to contact Ms.(?) Pflug as a courtesy. I was thinking that perhaps we could get together for a nice dinner. There's a very famous cheese restaurant in St. Joe called "Cheeses, Mary, and St. Joseph". I put in a call to her and left a message with her secretary Helga Panchami - no relation. I am now awaiting her response.
I won't run the credit card until you confirm the additional charges for the extra cheese. And by the way, the extra charge is $24,300. When confirmed I will process the new amount over 11 (eleven) days.
Also - and don't be alarmed or upset by this - 2 (two) nights ago, I accidentally left your email with Patricia's credit card number up on my screen overnight. The cleaning crew came in and could have possibly seen it. But they seem like a nice honest bunch, so I don't think they would have taken advantage of the information. However if you see any new charges for cleaning equipment or Mexican food on her next statement, please let me know.
Thank you.
And the order should be ready to ship by Monday.
Nag Panchami
On 8-28-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Nan Panchami
Yes this order is for samples,yes i made a mistake on it.... Also Patricia Pflug she not in states for now... Good to hear that from you that i willl order will be ready for my shipper to pick up on monday..I dont want you to run the credit card again because i called her and told me that she has deactive the credit card.
Let me know when you will be in office for me to call you and give you credit card for you to run and bill.
Kindly get back to me asap.
Aran Smith
On 8/28/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran Smith,
Yes, the order will be ready to ship on Monday but there are still some points that need to be addressed before that can happen. These are very important and I must have your cooperation immediately. Please do this right now. Answer the following questions and take the following actions:
1 - Do you want the 800 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats? Please write "YES TO THE CONEY ISLAND POINTED FELT HATS".
2 - Will you give me the $120 for the Belgian kite tail? Please write "$120 YES TO KITE TAIL BRIBE".
3 - Will you send me an autographed photo of yourself in order for me to receive the $70 bounty from the International Smith Society? YES or NO?
4 - Do you accept the update of the order from 1,200 lbs of cheese to 12,000 lbs of cheese? YES or NO? Please keep in mind that if you do not accept his update, you will only receive 80 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats instead of 800. And did I mention that these hats have tiger lilies and marigolds on them? They are very nice and you really shouldn't pass up this opportunity. And consider this: Do you think anyone else would ever offer you hats like these? I don't think so.
5 - I am still waiting for the retinal scan and/or thumb print.
6 - Can you think of a good name for my daughter's new pony? (I figured that as long as you were answering some questions, you might also be helpful in this regard.)
Also, I received an urgent message from Patricia directing me not to use her credit card. Her voice mail message was rather garbled with hysteria and profanity about you and Fisher Supply Company. I think the gist of the message was that she had no idea what was going on and she believed I was being duped and that her credit card information had been stolen. I believe she must have misunderstood what I was asking. (Too much line-dancing will do that to you.) Perhaps the pressures of being a chairman(?) were wearing on her. And yet, what was most troubling was that she never agreed to my dinner invitation. A true fan of cheese would never do that... it makes me wonder....
Nag
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