...and totally without Nazi involvement.
From: Wilfrid Azor [mailto:wilfridazoroffice@i12.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 22, 2009 11:09 AM
Subject: Please Read!!
From: Wilfrid Azor [mailto:wilfridazoroffice@i12.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 22, 2009 11:09 AM
Subject: Please Read!!
On 10-22-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Good Day,
In 2006, my client died leaving behind Cash Amount (US$14.7M) in my Bank here where i work. Since his demised No, body has come forward for the claim. I contacted you because your Name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same Surname. I want to present you as the heir to the deceased since I can provide you with the details needed for us to Claim the Funds together. Thanks as I hope to hear from you urgently.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-3-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
Ordinarily I would ignore a letter like the one you sent to me, but 2 things happened to make me sit up and take notice.
First, I did have a rather wealthy distant relative die in 2006. My family had always wondered about the possibility that he might have died in the throes of luxury and excess. There had been rumors that he had had secret dealings with both the Nazis and the Cosa Nostra. Frankly, we thought he'd had closer to 50 million dollars stashed away somewhere. Perhaps the rest went towards Hummel figurines (a true passion of his), and Mexican women (another passion… but of a different sort.) In any case, an article I recently read regarding a newly extradited Nazi War Criminal, mentioned my grand-uncle by name. The article went on to say that if he were still alive, the Polenta Crime Family (out of Miami) would still be using him to smuggle newly discovered stolen Nazi art out of Tunisia, since - I guess - that's what he was very good at.
Secondly - and don't laugh - at a party I just attended over this past weekend, I met a psychic who told me that I would be coming into a large amount of money.
These are not 2 coincidences I could easily overlook.
Therefore, Mrs. Azor, please let me know what is the next step in the retrieval process. If this is, in fact, money that I should rightfully inherit, I would be very grateful.
Thank you.
Dame Doris Astragal
On 11-4-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Thanks for your response to my email. I would like to apologize for the unconventional way in which I have contacted you.
I do appreciate your email reply about your uncle. what is the name of your uncle?
I am an employee of Chipps Investment National Bank Group London, as a personal accountant administering various deceased estate accounts. Please be advised that this transaction, once in motion, is completely risk free to yourself. All we require from you is an Estate Claim Application (Form BV3E05) as the next of kin of the deceased in question.
As my client left no will, the necessary tracing,Government Gazette notification and advertising has been performed,over the past three years bringing forth no valid beneficiary to these funds. As no beneficiary has come forward, these funds will be transferred as “dormant funds” into the Government Treasury Account in the near future.
Due to the fact that your surname is identical to the deceased I would nominate you as the next of kin to his Estate. As the amount in question is a considerable sum of cash I would like to stress that the matter herein is highly confidential and would like to stress,once again, that the matter be kept as such. I have researched this matter extensively, followed all the necessary avenues of finding a related beneficiary to the deceased without success. Due to the slump in the world financial markets we need to allocate these funds without delay.
To escalate this transaction I will need information from you to apply for the necessary Death Certificate from the Home Affairs Department. Once you and I are in possession of the Death Certificate you will be able to contact our Bank and fill in the necessary forms for the subsequent transfer of these funds into your personal bank account.
Please reconfirm the following details below.
Home Address
Direct telephone number and Fax number
Marital status
Business Address
Occupation
Birth Date
Once this is completed the amount of $14.7 million will be transferred in a ratio of 50% to yourself and 50% for me, the additional percentage to finance the necessary estate taxes, advertising, transfer fees, etc. Should the instructions be followed to the letter these funds will be in your account within the next 10 to 14 working days.
As I am sure you are aware this is a highly sensitive and confidential matter and I would appreciate if you continue corresponding with me via my personal email address and mobile. Due to inherent greed on the part of our species I strongly urge you to keep this matter to yourself until the papers have been signed and the funds transferred into your account. Note, you will not regret involving in this deal i promise you.
I trust that I will be hearing from you shortly.
Yours sincerely,
Wilfrid Azor.
Cell: + xx xxx xxx xxxx
On 11-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
This is indeed happy news. I never thought I could be as elated over the death of someone as I am over the death of my grand-uncle. And I don't know if you are aware of this, but his funeral required a closed casket. The details of his death - to the few attendees, including myself - were sparse and mostly spoken in whispers, but I did think I understood his rather violent death to involve machetes and fire. Such must be one's fate when dealing with jealous Mexican husbands, the Mafia, and - to a lesser degree - Nazis.
Before I go any further, I must confess that contrary to your instructions, I did already speak to some others about my good fortune.
The first person I told was that psychic I told you about. She is completely reliable, I assure you. She even told me that she knew ahead of time that I would be contacting her to tell her about my inheritance. So in reality, telling her doesn't count as a breach of confidence because she already knew. I put her on retainer immediately - $500 per month. I know I'll be needing her services when I do finally receive the money.
I also told a few people in line behind me at the check-out counter at my local grocery store. They were all so kind and congratulatory, in a spirit of giving I paid for all of their groceries. Some of them actually wept.
But to the business at hand, I have a few questions:
- Where can I get one of those BV3E05 forms?
- Would it help if I opened an account in the bank where you work?
- I don't know where my copy of the death certificate is, but I could apply for another one. I'll go to the Home Office today. Do you think it would be a good idea to give them some fictitious reason as to why I need the death certificate? Like I could tell them it's for a Kindergarten Show-and-Tell assignment for my nephew.
My grand-uncle's name was Oakley Vestige Astragal. Although he was a distant relative, we referred to him as "Uncle Oakley". I still have a photo of him and I sitting atop a dromedary at the Bronx Zoo. Even in that picture, he is holding a gun.
Let me know what other information you need. I am so excited. And I promise not to tell anyone else.
Thank you.
And please call me Dodo. It's a nickname all of my friends call me. Doris is meant for strangers.
Dodo
On 11-5-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Thank for the email.
Please fill out the attached forms with your hand writing and send completed copies back to me for proper verification and also to enable me apply for legal documents that will enhance the smooth release of the fund to you. I will send you the bank contact details for you to contact the bank for the release of the fund in your favor as soon as you complete and send back the forms to me.
The Indemnity Application Form For Transfer of Rights & Privileges will i use to apply for the Sworn affidavit of truth and claim that you are the bona fide next of kin to the deceased client and this will only take me two working days to procure this document.I want you to know that this transaction is 100% risk free and you have nothing to worry about, all i want you to do, is listen to my instructions carefully till the transaction is concluded.
I will be waiting for the completed forms and if there is any question you will like to ask, please don't hesitate to email me or call me. Please send the completed forms to my private fax number: +xx xxx xxx xxxx or via email attachment.
I await your reply.
Wilfrid Azor
Cell:+ xx xxx xxx xxxx
On 11-5-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Wilfrid!
Oh, this is so exciting!! I bought a boat yesterday! I figured, Jesus would want me to have one, right?
I printed out the forms you sent me. Oh, thank you so, so much! You are a saint! I'm going out today to buy a fax machine thing. I told my psychic friend that I was going to and she told me she already knew I would!! Everything is falling into place!
Everything you put on the form is true, true, true! You even spelled my grand-uncle's name right.
But to be honest, there were a few discrepancies.
- My grand-uncle wasn't born on May 20, 1955. It was March 3, 1925.
- You said he died in a car accident. Well, his body was found in a car. In the trunk, really. And it wasn't really an accident. We think he was set on fire along with the car after he was hacked to death.
- You said his occupation was "Contractor/Supplier".... well that's sort of true. Smugglers are sort of suppliers, I guess.
- The name of his company wasn't Slater Inc. At least I never heard that name. The last place we heard that he worked was called Spumoni Brothers Cement Contracting. But that was back in the 80s. I suppose he may have gone to work for Slater Inc. Do you know if they also have ties to the Cosa Nostra?
I appreciate all of your help in getting me this money, Wilfrid. I really do. But I must ask: Do you really think it's fair that you are getting half on my inheritance just for shuffling some papers around? I mean 7.35 million dollars is a lot of money. I'm not so sure someone else wouldn't have been just as happy to get 3 million, or 1 million, or even a half million for doing the same thing you are doing.
The boat I just ordered will cost me almost $600,000. If I get the houses I want and the surgery I want and another boat or two, my 7.35 million will start to dwindle away pretty rapidly.
Wouldn't you be satisfied with 1.5 million, dear Wilfrid?
Please don't take this personally. I only want what's coming to me. And fairness is my favorite thing - along with chocolate and boats.
And do please call me Dodo. I feel you are indeed a friend.
Thank you.
Dodo
On 11-13-09, Vladdio wrote:
Oh Dearest Wilfrid,
I am so sorry for the great delay in returning these forms to you. I went right out and bought a fax machine device as you instructed me to do. And oh! it is so beautiful! It had lights and buttons and paper. I plugged it in and tried to "fax" these forms to you, but for some reason it didn't work.
And then we had the fire.
Actually it was an explosion. But the fire followed the explosion so rapidly that the firemen just kept calling it a fire. I won't bore you with the details, dear Wilfrid, but please just note that I will never buy another fax machine thing. I was not aware that those things could be so dangerous. I'm just glad I was in the Rumpus Room when it went off. I only wish my little dog was too. Oh, C'est la vie!
In any case, I attached the three completed forms to this email.
Have you given any thought to the proposal I made to you previously regarding your compensation? I think you must agree that 1.5 million dollars is more than enough for your services. And now that I will need to rebuild my house I need my share of MY inheritance even more. Don't you agree, dear?
You must come visit me when all of this is put to rest. We'll have tea on my boat and maybe you and I could go shopping for another dog - or another boat. We'll see how I feel. By then the bandages should all be off.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any other questions.
I remain truly your dear friend,
Dodo
On 11-14-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Thanks for the email message. Please fax or email the completed application of fund of claim only to the bank before. I will apply for the Sworn Affidavit of truth and claim. please ensure it the only application form address to the bank, you will have send.
Contact the bank via the bank contact details below.
Mrs. Phyllis H. Xxxxxxxxx
Head: Payments & Logistics Department
Tel: +xx xxx xxx xxxx
Fax: +xx xxx xxx xxxx
Email: info@xxxxx.com
Email: intl@xxxxxxxxx.com
Website: http://www.xxxxx.com/
Please, I will appreciate it a lot if you can be prompt in responding to my emails, as you know this transaction we are about to going into we need a prompt response from each other.Please I need your utmost co-operation in seeing that the funds leave the shore of London to your account. As soon as you forward the application of claim to the bank, please do endeavor to keep me posted so that I will give you guidelines to follow, for the successful transfer of the funds to you.
Please whatever respond you get from the bank, make sure you keep me posted so that I will instruct you on what to do and please do not let the bank know my involvement in this transaction as I am still a staff of the bank. Whatever you do not understand, please endeavor to call me or email as i have been trying to call you but could not get through but i will keep trying.
I will apply for the sworn affidavit of truth and claim and it will take 2 working days. As soon as i am able to obtain the documents, i will forward it to you to send it to the bank as well.
I wait to hear from you as soon as you contact the bank.
Regards,
Wilfrid Azor
On 11-15-09, Vladdio wrote:
My Dear Wilfrid,
I agree. Too much time is being wasted. I wish you would hurry things up a bit. I'm very confused by these forms and the names of these forms and I don't feel it's altogether my fault.
Which one of these do you want me to fax to the bank? Is it the white one with the black letters that says "Application as next of kin..." or the white one with the black letters that says "High Court of Justice" or the white one with the black letters that says "Agreement Letter..."? Why did you make this so complicated? I don't see one called "Fund of Claim...". And what's this "Sworn Affidavit" you're talking about?
If you had color-coded them I'd understand it better. Then you could say "Fax the RED one to the Bank" or "Email the GREEN one to London". There's a lot of money involved here and if you had sent the forms to me on colored paper, I'd probably be out buying another boat right now.
I think you're lucky it's a weekend and the banks are closed. Now tell me what to do!
Do you really think you should be getting 1.5 millions dollars of MY money for this kind of shoddy paperwork?
Dodo
On 11-16-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
The application to send to the bank it the white one with the black letters that says "Application as next of kin..."
I wait to hear from you as soon as you send the form to the bank.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-16-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
I'm not so sure I like the tone of your last email. I'm not an idiot, you know.
Just tell me which if the two email addresses I should use. You gave me:
Email: info@xxxxx.com
Email: intl@xxxxxxxxx.com
Does Mrs. Phyllis H. Xxxxxxxxx answer both? I don't want to get her into any trouble. My psychic friend has begun reading my palms - first the left one and then the right one (she is such a professional!) - and told me that Phyllis is actually the reincarnation of the mother of John Wilkes Booth. I think she's had her share of troubles over the last 150 years or so. I don't want to add to her bad karma, to say nothing of what would happen to her aura.
I want to do this today. I hope to get my 14.7 million dollars (less your 1.5 million dollars... which I still think is excessive) by the end of the week.
I'm meeting with builders this afternoon to begin the layout of the first of my new houses. It will have 14 rooms! (But no fax machine, I assure you.)
Dodo
(And why do you refuse to address me as Dodo? Aren't we friends?)
On 11-16-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Good day and sorry for the tune of my last email to you. The attached file is the application form you need to send to the bank.
Keep me posted as soon as you do so.
I wait your response.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-16-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
Are you deliberately delaying this whole process? I don't know why you would, since you're getting a whole lot of MY MONEY for doing what a monkey could be trained to do.
My question had nothing to do with which form to send to the bank. I know what form to send to the bank. You told me what form to send to the bank. And now you sent me an attachment of my own form? I have that original form in my hand right now! Geez, Wilfrid! It's no wonder you're just a small unimportant mostly-useless underling in your bank with no chance of advancement. They probably don't trust you to count change.
I'm truly beginning to wonder whether or not I can trust you with my fortune!
MY QUESTION WAS ABOUT THE EMAIL MACHINE ADDRESS NUMBER!!!
WHAT EMAIL MACHINE ADDRESS NUMBER DO I USE TO SEND THIS FORM?
I'd bypass you altogether and deal with Mrs. Phyllis H. Xxxxxxxxx if I thought that would work. My psychic friend says that Phyllis will one day own that bank if she can avoid someone named "Beluga Bill Cattrap".
Dodo
And I won't even bother reminding you this time to call me Dodo. I think you're far to thick to understand how to deal with customers and with people who are giving you a lot of money.
On 11-17-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Please mind the way you address me on your emails. I did not contact you in this transaction to lash out word that is annoying to me. If you are not capable of handily this transaction, please i advice you to pull out.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-17-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
It doesn't become you, being so snippy. I'm a forgiving person, Wilfrid, but I have limits. I'm going to let your last remarks go. I'll chalk it up to stress, but don't try my patience again.
Another outburst like that one and I'll reduce your fee to $500,000. And you know I can do it.
Enough said on that matter.
I spoke to my priest this morning. I went to confession to expunge from my immortal soul the sins I have been carrying, lo!, these past few days. I shouldn't be telling you this but I think I broke the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 7th, 8th, and 10th commandments. He reminded me that although my grand-uncle Oakley was not my parent, the fact that I thought unkindly of him as a relative and the fact that I expressed gratitude that he had died - however miserably - I very well could have also broken the 4th commandment. (I didn't tell my priest that I was also consulting a psychic. That would have taken Commandment #1 and lit it up like oversized candles at a Wiccan Dianic-Aradian Ritual!)
Well he's a wily one, that old Father Bobolink. In no time he had me spilling the beans about my forthcoming inheritance. And in less than no time he had me promising to give to the church 10% of everything - including your share.
Don't get mad, Wilfrid. I tried everything I could to exclude your 1.5 million dollar share but he said something about how even dim-witted, malodorous, unattractive heathens like you are still children of God. He said you must pay. What can I say, dear and understanding Wilfrid, he's my priest. Besides 10% of 1.5 is only $150,000. You'll still have enough money left to see to your evil ways and aberrant lifestyle (which, by the way, includes the 6th and 9th Commandments.)
Are we still friends, Wilfrid?
Dodo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On 11-19-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Wilfrid,
I haven't heard from you in 2 days. I hope you're not sick. There's a fungus going around. Please look after yourself.
Tomorrow is Friday. Will I be getting the money tomorrow? Father Bobolink is concerned too.
And my psychic is having trouble connecting with the beyond. Something to do with clouds and neutrinos and negative waves or something.
Contact me.
Dodo
Good Day,
In 2006, my client died leaving behind Cash Amount (US$14.7M) in my Bank here where i work. Since his demised No, body has come forward for the claim. I contacted you because your Name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same Surname. I want to present you as the heir to the deceased since I can provide you with the details needed for us to Claim the Funds together. Thanks as I hope to hear from you urgently.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-3-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
Ordinarily I would ignore a letter like the one you sent to me, but 2 things happened to make me sit up and take notice.
First, I did have a rather wealthy distant relative die in 2006. My family had always wondered about the possibility that he might have died in the throes of luxury and excess. There had been rumors that he had had secret dealings with both the Nazis and the Cosa Nostra. Frankly, we thought he'd had closer to 50 million dollars stashed away somewhere. Perhaps the rest went towards Hummel figurines (a true passion of his), and Mexican women (another passion… but of a different sort.) In any case, an article I recently read regarding a newly extradited Nazi War Criminal, mentioned my grand-uncle by name. The article went on to say that if he were still alive, the Polenta Crime Family (out of Miami) would still be using him to smuggle newly discovered stolen Nazi art out of Tunisia, since - I guess - that's what he was very good at.
Secondly - and don't laugh - at a party I just attended over this past weekend, I met a psychic who told me that I would be coming into a large amount of money.
These are not 2 coincidences I could easily overlook.
Therefore, Mrs. Azor, please let me know what is the next step in the retrieval process. If this is, in fact, money that I should rightfully inherit, I would be very grateful.
Thank you.
Dame Doris Astragal
On 11-4-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Thanks for your response to my email. I would like to apologize for the unconventional way in which I have contacted you.
I do appreciate your email reply about your uncle. what is the name of your uncle?
I am an employee of Chipps Investment National Bank Group London, as a personal accountant administering various deceased estate accounts. Please be advised that this transaction, once in motion, is completely risk free to yourself. All we require from you is an Estate Claim Application (Form BV3E05) as the next of kin of the deceased in question.
As my client left no will, the necessary tracing,Government Gazette notification and advertising has been performed,over the past three years bringing forth no valid beneficiary to these funds. As no beneficiary has come forward, these funds will be transferred as “dormant funds” into the Government Treasury Account in the near future.
Due to the fact that your surname is identical to the deceased I would nominate you as the next of kin to his Estate. As the amount in question is a considerable sum of cash I would like to stress that the matter herein is highly confidential and would like to stress,once again, that the matter be kept as such. I have researched this matter extensively, followed all the necessary avenues of finding a related beneficiary to the deceased without success. Due to the slump in the world financial markets we need to allocate these funds without delay.
To escalate this transaction I will need information from you to apply for the necessary Death Certificate from the Home Affairs Department. Once you and I are in possession of the Death Certificate you will be able to contact our Bank and fill in the necessary forms for the subsequent transfer of these funds into your personal bank account.
Please reconfirm the following details below.
Home Address
Direct telephone number and Fax number
Marital status
Business Address
Occupation
Birth Date
Once this is completed the amount of $14.7 million will be transferred in a ratio of 50% to yourself and 50% for me, the additional percentage to finance the necessary estate taxes, advertising, transfer fees, etc. Should the instructions be followed to the letter these funds will be in your account within the next 10 to 14 working days.
As I am sure you are aware this is a highly sensitive and confidential matter and I would appreciate if you continue corresponding with me via my personal email address and mobile. Due to inherent greed on the part of our species I strongly urge you to keep this matter to yourself until the papers have been signed and the funds transferred into your account. Note, you will not regret involving in this deal i promise you.
I trust that I will be hearing from you shortly.
Yours sincerely,
Wilfrid Azor.
Cell: + xx xxx xxx xxxx
On 11-4-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
This is indeed happy news. I never thought I could be as elated over the death of someone as I am over the death of my grand-uncle. And I don't know if you are aware of this, but his funeral required a closed casket. The details of his death - to the few attendees, including myself - were sparse and mostly spoken in whispers, but I did think I understood his rather violent death to involve machetes and fire. Such must be one's fate when dealing with jealous Mexican husbands, the Mafia, and - to a lesser degree - Nazis.
Before I go any further, I must confess that contrary to your instructions, I did already speak to some others about my good fortune.
The first person I told was that psychic I told you about. She is completely reliable, I assure you. She even told me that she knew ahead of time that I would be contacting her to tell her about my inheritance. So in reality, telling her doesn't count as a breach of confidence because she already knew. I put her on retainer immediately - $500 per month. I know I'll be needing her services when I do finally receive the money.
I also told a few people in line behind me at the check-out counter at my local grocery store. They were all so kind and congratulatory, in a spirit of giving I paid for all of their groceries. Some of them actually wept.
But to the business at hand, I have a few questions:
- Where can I get one of those BV3E05 forms?
- Would it help if I opened an account in the bank where you work?
- I don't know where my copy of the death certificate is, but I could apply for another one. I'll go to the Home Office today. Do you think it would be a good idea to give them some fictitious reason as to why I need the death certificate? Like I could tell them it's for a Kindergarten Show-and-Tell assignment for my nephew.
My grand-uncle's name was Oakley Vestige Astragal. Although he was a distant relative, we referred to him as "Uncle Oakley". I still have a photo of him and I sitting atop a dromedary at the Bronx Zoo. Even in that picture, he is holding a gun.
Let me know what other information you need. I am so excited. And I promise not to tell anyone else.
Thank you.
And please call me Dodo. It's a nickname all of my friends call me. Doris is meant for strangers.
Dodo
On 11-5-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Thank for the email.
Please fill out the attached forms with your hand writing and send completed copies back to me for proper verification and also to enable me apply for legal documents that will enhance the smooth release of the fund to you. I will send you the bank contact details for you to contact the bank for the release of the fund in your favor as soon as you complete and send back the forms to me.
The Indemnity Application Form For Transfer of Rights & Privileges will i use to apply for the Sworn affidavit of truth and claim that you are the bona fide next of kin to the deceased client and this will only take me two working days to procure this document.I want you to know that this transaction is 100% risk free and you have nothing to worry about, all i want you to do, is listen to my instructions carefully till the transaction is concluded.
I will be waiting for the completed forms and if there is any question you will like to ask, please don't hesitate to email me or call me. Please send the completed forms to my private fax number: +xx xxx xxx xxxx or via email attachment.
I await your reply.
Wilfrid Azor
Cell:+ xx xxx xxx xxxx
On 11-5-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Wilfrid!
Oh, this is so exciting!! I bought a boat yesterday! I figured, Jesus would want me to have one, right?
I printed out the forms you sent me. Oh, thank you so, so much! You are a saint! I'm going out today to buy a fax machine thing. I told my psychic friend that I was going to and she told me she already knew I would!! Everything is falling into place!
Everything you put on the form is true, true, true! You even spelled my grand-uncle's name right.
But to be honest, there were a few discrepancies.
- My grand-uncle wasn't born on May 20, 1955. It was March 3, 1925.
- You said he died in a car accident. Well, his body was found in a car. In the trunk, really. And it wasn't really an accident. We think he was set on fire along with the car after he was hacked to death.
- You said his occupation was "Contractor/Supplier".... well that's sort of true. Smugglers are sort of suppliers, I guess.
- The name of his company wasn't Slater Inc. At least I never heard that name. The last place we heard that he worked was called Spumoni Brothers Cement Contracting. But that was back in the 80s. I suppose he may have gone to work for Slater Inc. Do you know if they also have ties to the Cosa Nostra?
I appreciate all of your help in getting me this money, Wilfrid. I really do. But I must ask: Do you really think it's fair that you are getting half on my inheritance just for shuffling some papers around? I mean 7.35 million dollars is a lot of money. I'm not so sure someone else wouldn't have been just as happy to get 3 million, or 1 million, or even a half million for doing the same thing you are doing.
The boat I just ordered will cost me almost $600,000. If I get the houses I want and the surgery I want and another boat or two, my 7.35 million will start to dwindle away pretty rapidly.
Wouldn't you be satisfied with 1.5 million, dear Wilfrid?
Please don't take this personally. I only want what's coming to me. And fairness is my favorite thing - along with chocolate and boats.
And do please call me Dodo. I feel you are indeed a friend.
Thank you.
Dodo
On 11-13-09, Vladdio wrote:
Oh Dearest Wilfrid,
I am so sorry for the great delay in returning these forms to you. I went right out and bought a fax machine device as you instructed me to do. And oh! it is so beautiful! It had lights and buttons and paper. I plugged it in and tried to "fax" these forms to you, but for some reason it didn't work.
And then we had the fire.
Actually it was an explosion. But the fire followed the explosion so rapidly that the firemen just kept calling it a fire. I won't bore you with the details, dear Wilfrid, but please just note that I will never buy another fax machine thing. I was not aware that those things could be so dangerous. I'm just glad I was in the Rumpus Room when it went off. I only wish my little dog was too. Oh, C'est la vie!
In any case, I attached the three completed forms to this email.
Have you given any thought to the proposal I made to you previously regarding your compensation? I think you must agree that 1.5 million dollars is more than enough for your services. And now that I will need to rebuild my house I need my share of MY inheritance even more. Don't you agree, dear?
You must come visit me when all of this is put to rest. We'll have tea on my boat and maybe you and I could go shopping for another dog - or another boat. We'll see how I feel. By then the bandages should all be off.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any other questions.
I remain truly your dear friend,
Dodo
On 11-14-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Thanks for the email message. Please fax or email the completed application of fund of claim only to the bank before. I will apply for the Sworn Affidavit of truth and claim. please ensure it the only application form address to the bank, you will have send.
Contact the bank via the bank contact details below.
Mrs. Phyllis H. Xxxxxxxxx
Head: Payments & Logistics Department
Tel: +xx xxx xxx xxxx
Fax: +xx xxx xxx xxxx
Email: info@xxxxx.com
Email: intl@xxxxxxxxx.com
Website: http://www.xxxxx.com/
Please, I will appreciate it a lot if you can be prompt in responding to my emails, as you know this transaction we are about to going into we need a prompt response from each other.Please I need your utmost co-operation in seeing that the funds leave the shore of London to your account. As soon as you forward the application of claim to the bank, please do endeavor to keep me posted so that I will give you guidelines to follow, for the successful transfer of the funds to you.
Please whatever respond you get from the bank, make sure you keep me posted so that I will instruct you on what to do and please do not let the bank know my involvement in this transaction as I am still a staff of the bank. Whatever you do not understand, please endeavor to call me or email as i have been trying to call you but could not get through but i will keep trying.
I will apply for the sworn affidavit of truth and claim and it will take 2 working days. As soon as i am able to obtain the documents, i will forward it to you to send it to the bank as well.
I wait to hear from you as soon as you contact the bank.
Regards,
Wilfrid Azor
On 11-15-09, Vladdio wrote:
My Dear Wilfrid,
I agree. Too much time is being wasted. I wish you would hurry things up a bit. I'm very confused by these forms and the names of these forms and I don't feel it's altogether my fault.
Which one of these do you want me to fax to the bank? Is it the white one with the black letters that says "Application as next of kin..." or the white one with the black letters that says "High Court of Justice" or the white one with the black letters that says "Agreement Letter..."? Why did you make this so complicated? I don't see one called "Fund of Claim...". And what's this "Sworn Affidavit" you're talking about?
If you had color-coded them I'd understand it better. Then you could say "Fax the RED one to the Bank" or "Email the GREEN one to London". There's a lot of money involved here and if you had sent the forms to me on colored paper, I'd probably be out buying another boat right now.
I think you're lucky it's a weekend and the banks are closed. Now tell me what to do!
Do you really think you should be getting 1.5 millions dollars of MY money for this kind of shoddy paperwork?
Dodo
On 11-16-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
The application to send to the bank it the white one with the black letters that says "Application as next of kin..."
I wait to hear from you as soon as you send the form to the bank.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-16-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
I'm not so sure I like the tone of your last email. I'm not an idiot, you know.
Just tell me which if the two email addresses I should use. You gave me:
Email: info@xxxxx.com
Email: intl@xxxxxxxxx.com
Does Mrs. Phyllis H. Xxxxxxxxx answer both? I don't want to get her into any trouble. My psychic friend has begun reading my palms - first the left one and then the right one (she is such a professional!) - and told me that Phyllis is actually the reincarnation of the mother of John Wilkes Booth. I think she's had her share of troubles over the last 150 years or so. I don't want to add to her bad karma, to say nothing of what would happen to her aura.
I want to do this today. I hope to get my 14.7 million dollars (less your 1.5 million dollars... which I still think is excessive) by the end of the week.
I'm meeting with builders this afternoon to begin the layout of the first of my new houses. It will have 14 rooms! (But no fax machine, I assure you.)
Dodo
(And why do you refuse to address me as Dodo? Aren't we friends?)
On 11-16-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Good day and sorry for the tune of my last email to you. The attached file is the application form you need to send to the bank.
Keep me posted as soon as you do so.
I wait your response.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-16-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
Are you deliberately delaying this whole process? I don't know why you would, since you're getting a whole lot of MY MONEY for doing what a monkey could be trained to do.
My question had nothing to do with which form to send to the bank. I know what form to send to the bank. You told me what form to send to the bank. And now you sent me an attachment of my own form? I have that original form in my hand right now! Geez, Wilfrid! It's no wonder you're just a small unimportant mostly-useless underling in your bank with no chance of advancement. They probably don't trust you to count change.
I'm truly beginning to wonder whether or not I can trust you with my fortune!
MY QUESTION WAS ABOUT THE EMAIL MACHINE ADDRESS NUMBER!!!
WHAT EMAIL MACHINE ADDRESS NUMBER DO I USE TO SEND THIS FORM?
I'd bypass you altogether and deal with Mrs. Phyllis H. Xxxxxxxxx if I thought that would work. My psychic friend says that Phyllis will one day own that bank if she can avoid someone named "Beluga Bill Cattrap".
Dodo
And I won't even bother reminding you this time to call me Dodo. I think you're far to thick to understand how to deal with customers and with people who are giving you a lot of money.
On 11-17-09, Wilfrid Azor wrote:
Dear Dame D. Astragal,
Please mind the way you address me on your emails. I did not contact you in this transaction to lash out word that is annoying to me. If you are not capable of handily this transaction, please i advice you to pull out.
Wilfrid Azor.
On 11-17-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Wilfrid,
It doesn't become you, being so snippy. I'm a forgiving person, Wilfrid, but I have limits. I'm going to let your last remarks go. I'll chalk it up to stress, but don't try my patience again.
Another outburst like that one and I'll reduce your fee to $500,000. And you know I can do it.
Enough said on that matter.
I spoke to my priest this morning. I went to confession to expunge from my immortal soul the sins I have been carrying, lo!, these past few days. I shouldn't be telling you this but I think I broke the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 7th, 8th, and 10th commandments. He reminded me that although my grand-uncle Oakley was not my parent, the fact that I thought unkindly of him as a relative and the fact that I expressed gratitude that he had died - however miserably - I very well could have also broken the 4th commandment. (I didn't tell my priest that I was also consulting a psychic. That would have taken Commandment #1 and lit it up like oversized candles at a Wiccan Dianic-Aradian Ritual!)
Well he's a wily one, that old Father Bobolink. In no time he had me spilling the beans about my forthcoming inheritance. And in less than no time he had me promising to give to the church 10% of everything - including your share.
Don't get mad, Wilfrid. I tried everything I could to exclude your 1.5 million dollar share but he said something about how even dim-witted, malodorous, unattractive heathens like you are still children of God. He said you must pay. What can I say, dear and understanding Wilfrid, he's my priest. Besides 10% of 1.5 is only $150,000. You'll still have enough money left to see to your evil ways and aberrant lifestyle (which, by the way, includes the 6th and 9th Commandments.)
Are we still friends, Wilfrid?
Dodo
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On 11-19-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Wilfrid,
I haven't heard from you in 2 days. I hope you're not sick. There's a fungus going around. Please look after yourself.
Tomorrow is Friday. Will I be getting the money tomorrow? Father Bobolink is concerned too.
And my psychic is having trouble connecting with the beyond. Something to do with clouds and neutrinos and negative waves or something.
Contact me.
Dodo
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