... he chooses cheese.
From: Aran Smith
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 7:18 AM
Subject: Mail Order...
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Dear sales, My name is Aran Smith the owner of Fisher supply company, i am interested in purchasing some products from you for my clients, i will like to know if you accept credit card for payments? which type of credit cards you accept, and also if it is possible to pick up from your store, as i have my own shipper, that will be handling the shipment.Waiting for your reply so i can forward the products needed. Thank you. Aran Smith Owner, Fisher Supply Inc
On 8/20/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Mr. Smith,
Your note was forwarded to me. I handle all credit card inquiries as well as shipping and receiving.
We do accept credit cards. We accept Visa, Master Card, Discover, American Express and Poly-Gelt.
It is possible to pick up directly from our store.
Please direct all future correspondence to me. My name is Nag Panchami.
Please send me a detailed list of merchandise you would like to order.
Thank you.
Nag
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Can you get back to me with your website.Or you can get back to me with products you have in stock also with the price too.
Hope to hear from you..
Smith
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran,
I'm sorry to have to tell you that my website was recently broken into and everything was stolen except for 4 product lines. So I am off line. Right now all I have available are the following:
- cheese
- lawn furniture
- pet vitamins
- refrigerator magnets
Please don't let that worry you. I'm expecting 4 large trucks in tomorrow to replenish my stock of socks, decoy ducks, compost, gravel, stew, black arm-bands, lightning rods, and onyx.
I told my crew they'll all be working late to help stock the shelves. The rest of the month will be just as hectic, since more material will be coming in everyday. It's so frustrating to think that if we had only remembered to lock the side door, none of this would have happened.
Please let me know exactly what line of products you are interested in and I will check the delivery schedule for best time for pick-up. If you are looking for hub-caps or bean-bags, I know for a fact that they won't be in until the last week of September.
Thank you for your patience and I promise you that you will receive a very deep discount on anything you order - except for penny-whistles. They are already a penny and I can't reduce them any lower than that.
Nag.
On 8-20-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Thanks for your email,Here is the items we want to order but before i can tell you the qty that we want to order,i will like to know the prices of each of those items....
- pet vitamins
- refrigerator magnets
- cheese
Let me have the prices of those items each so that i can tell you the qty i want to order.
Kindly get back to me asap.
Hope to hear from you.
Aran
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Smith,
#1 - the pet vitamins are sold in parcels of 500. One parcel of 500 is priced at $45. You will probably need 12 parcels. That makes $540
#2 - the refrigerator magnets are sold by "refrigerator door" (or RD) square footage. One RD equals 160 units. 160 units is priced at $30. You will probably need 9 RD. That makes $270.
#3 - the cheese is sold by the bucket and each bucket is red, and weighs 4 lbs. This costs $9 per bucket. And 1 palate holds 300 cheese buckets. This should costs $2700 but you have to add the palate fee of $45. So the total cost of 1 loaded palate is $2745.
Your total cost for this order is $540 + $270 + $2745 and that equals $3555. And I promised you a deep discount so with special pricing this will cost you $3500 Total.
I will need to know the contact information of your shipping company so I can give them the weight and dimensions of the total order.
One more thing: With each order of 300 cheese buckets we give 80 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats. (These are green felt hats with photos of tiger lilies and marigolds on them.) These are free but there may be additional shipping charges. I won't include them if you think they may increase you shipping costs. Let me know.
Thank you.
Nag
On 8/21/09, Aran Smith wrote:
Thanks for the total quote of my order.The total cost of my order is quite correct and okay by me and I'm ready to pay the bills . Also want you to help me Charge another $2400 to a shipping agent who is going to pick up my ordered items from you. The $2400 that will be sent to the shipping agent is for the shipping of my order plus other items i ordered from different countries which will be deduct from my credit card.Also, I'm compensating you with the sum of $100 for the transfer fee and for your efforts. Please note that i should have given the shipping agency my credit card for him to deduct the shipping funds but he told me that he doesn't have the facilities to charge or debit credit card ,so that's why i bring my vote of confidence in you and i don't want you to betray the vote of confidence i put in you, so i want you to transfer the funds to him after you have make the charges and the money charged from my credit card in your account,then you can now make the transfer to the agent via western union.i would have love to do this my self but there no western union here around me,So the charges you'll make on my credit card will be:
Order Fee ($3500 )Agent fee,Transfer Fee plus shipping fare ( $2400 )Your Compensation ($100)
Note that my credit card will be charged for the amounts above .Please do get back to me if you are in the office right now so that i can forward my credit card details to you , then you can charge full amount and transfer the agent funds to him via Western Union.
Warmest Regard
On 8/21/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran Smith,
Almost everything in your previous email is acceptable to me. However two points must now be addressed.
First - My compensation. $100 is not acceptable to me. I will require $120. I have recently entered competitive kite flying and cannot move into the next level of competition without a custom Belgian Kite Tail. The Belgians design the finest kite tails in the world and I need that tail. Please do not approach my employer with this demand. I would be fired and an investigation into the mysterious "open side door caper" might point to me. I hope you understand. I need that tail therefore I need that $120. This is not negotiable. In your reply to this email, please write "$120 YES TO KITE TAIL BRIBE".
Second - The 80 hats I mentioned previously are already wrapped. Please accept them by writing "YES TO THE CONEY ISLAND POINTED FELT HATS".
Let me know which credit card you will be using. We normally use voice identification software to finalize the transaction. If you are unable to comply with this procedure, you can either forward us a retinal scan, or a thumb print, or your personal assurance that the credit card is valid.
Also, please let me know when your shipper will be coming for the pick-up.
Thank you. And congratulations. Welcome to our family of satisfied customers.
Nag Panchami
On 8-21-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Everything is ok i will get back to you with my credit card details on Monday.
On 8-24-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Subject: Re: Shipper Details...
Hello,
I will like you to reduce those items down to $2800 and the shipper fee to $180.
Kindly get back to me so that i can send you the credit card asap.
Hope to hear from you.
Aran
On 8/25/09, Vladdio wrote:
Hello Aran,
I don't think it should be too difficult to reduce the total cost of the items to $2800. But I will need your approval before I send out a final invoice.
Here is what I suggest:
#1 The pet vitamins. Right now the quantity is 12 parcels of 500 vitamins. I could change that to 500 parcels of 12 vitamins and bring the cost down from $540 to $135. That saves you $405. You may ask how we can bring the cost down so drastically. That is because even though we would label the parcels as "Pet Vitamins" they would, in fact, be 1/4" chocolate covered wing nuts. Before you think that these would be unsafe for pets, I assure you that they are actually stainless steel. So even if they became lodged in the animal's bowels, they would not rust.
#2 The refrigerator magnets. Right now you are to receive 9 RD which is 1,440 units and your price is $270. We could actually bring the cost down to $45 if, instead, we were to use a supplier we know in Ghana. These magnets are extremely cheap and ugly and of very poor quality, but so is everything else that comes from Ghana. If you've ever been to Ghana, you would know what I'm talking about. The whole country is one messy shit-hole. Stinky, dirty, and smelly. Even the United Nations refers to it as "The Sphincter of West Africa". And the people are so ugly even blind people flinch when a Ghanan enters the room.
#3 The Cheese! I already gave you a whopping discount of $55 but I was able to find another way of reducing your cost. Right now your cost for the cheese is $2,690. In order to bring the price down $70 so that your total order would be $2800 I would need your cooperation and participation. Could you please send an autographed photo of yourself to the International Smith Society on my behalf? Through a rather strange coincidence I have a neighbor named Smith who is a 4th degree member. And as you probably know, the name "Smith" is one of the most uncommon names on the planet. (Unlike my name - Panchami. Everywhere I go I run into Panchamis. I can't tell you how many times I've been walking down the street and somebody calls out "Hey! Panchami!" and me and a half dozen other Panchamis turn around.) So whenever I happen to come across a genuine "Smith" and have that "Smith" register (with photo) into the Society, I get a $70 bounty. Yep. Smiths are as rare as smart Ghanans.
The shipper fee of $1800 (I'm guessing you made a typo) is your responsibility. If you'd like, I could speak to them. I've been very successful in the past in negotiations. Do you think they'd appreciate some FREE Coney Island Pointed Hats?
I await your approval on my suggestions and your credit card information.
Thank you.
Nag Panchami
On 8/25/09, Aran Smith wrote:
Hello,
I give you the approval to send me the final invoiceYes i understand you better...
Kindly get back to me asap so that i can send you my vice chairman credit card for the payment of those items and shipper including the Compensation too which is $120.
Kindly get back to me asap.
On 8-25-10, Aran Smith wrote:
Subject: Payment Details...
Thanks for getting back. I want you to know that my client are very much o.k with the orders and they said this orders are samples andthat they would still be ordering more and below here is my Vice chairman info to run for the total of the order Total ($4720 USD)
Instruction on Card:
Kindly charge this below accounts for $2360 each and after successfully charged, split charge balance and re-run to confirm for total confirmation.
Name on the credit card :Patricia Pflug (I changed the name)
Credit Card Number : xxxx xxxx xxxx XXXX
Cvv: xxx
Exp Date : 0x/20xx
Billing Address : xxxx Main St. (I changed the name)
City : St. Joseph
State :MO
Zip Code :64xxx
I await your confirmation that my Vice chairman has been charged so that i can send you my shipper's information for them to get the all documents ready for the pick up
Hope to read from you now.
Thank you
On 8/27/09, Vladdio wrote:
Aran Smith,
In light of the new information you provided and the fact that you've told me that the 1200 (one thousand, two hundred) lbs. (pounds) of cheese is to be considered "samples", I've decided to send you 12,000 (twelve thousand) lbs. (pounds) of cheese instead. That would be 10 (ten) palates of cheese buckets instead of the 1 (one) palate we had originally agreed upon. (This also means that you would receive 800 (eight hundred) genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats instead of the 80 (eighty) on the original order.)
Please don't thank me for this update of your order. Coincidentally I was just reading a newsletter, "The Cheese Lover's Guide to Line Dancing", and was stunned to see that your very own Vice Chairman, Patricia Pflug, who - by the way - should be addressed as "Chairwoman".... unless.... oh, never mind, is an aficionado of not only competitive line dancing, but also of cheese, magnets, and vitamins.
This certainly explains the peculiarity of your order.
And in truly another example of strange coincidence, I happen to be spending the next fortnight (14 days) in St. Joseph, MO (for the International Tug-Of-War Competition). I therefore decided to contact Ms.(?) Pflug as a courtesy. I was thinking that perhaps we could get together for a nice dinner. There's a very famous cheese restaurant in St. Joe called "Cheeses, Mary, and St. Joseph". I put in a call to her and left a message with her secretary Helga Panchami - no relation. I am now awaiting her response.
I won't run the credit card until you confirm the additional charges for the extra cheese. And by the way, the extra charge is $24,300. When confirmed I will process the new amount over 11 (eleven) days.
Also - and don't be alarmed or upset by this - 2 (two) nights ago, I accidentally left your email with Patricia's credit card number up on my screen overnight. The cleaning crew came in and could have possibly seen it. But they seem like a nice honest bunch, so I don't think they would have taken advantage of the information. However if you see any new charges for cleaning equipment or Mexican food on her next statement, please let me know.
Thank you.
And the order should be ready to ship by Monday.
Nag Panchami
On 8-28-09, Aran Smith wrote:
Nan Panchami
Yes this order is for samples,yes i made a mistake on it.... Also Patricia Pflug she not in states for now... Good to hear that from you that i willl order will be ready for my shipper to pick up on monday..I dont want you to run the credit card again because i called her and told me that she has deactive the credit card.
Let me know when you will be in office for me to call you and give you credit card for you to run and bill.
Kindly get back to me asap.
Aran Smith
On 8/28/09, Vladdio wrote:
Dear Aran Smith,
Yes, the order will be ready to ship on Monday but there are still some points that need to be addressed before that can happen. These are very important and I must have your cooperation immediately. Please do this right now. Answer the following questions and take the following actions:
1 - Do you want the 800 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats? Please write "YES TO THE CONEY ISLAND POINTED FELT HATS".
2 - Will you give me the $120 for the Belgian kite tail? Please write "$120 YES TO KITE TAIL BRIBE".
3 - Will you send me an autographed photo of yourself in order for me to receive the $70 bounty from the International Smith Society? YES or NO?
4 - Do you accept the update of the order from 1,200 lbs of cheese to 12,000 lbs of cheese? YES or NO? Please keep in mind that if you do not accept his update, you will only receive 80 genuine Coney Island Pointed Hats instead of 800. And did I mention that these hats have tiger lilies and marigolds on them? They are very nice and you really shouldn't pass up this opportunity. And consider this: Do you think anyone else would ever offer you hats like these? I don't think so.
5 - I am still waiting for the retinal scan and/or thumb print.
6 - Can you think of a good name for my daughter's new pony? (I figured that as long as you were answering some questions, you might also be helpful in this regard.)
Also, I received an urgent message from Patricia directing me not to use her credit card. Her voice mail message was rather garbled with hysteria and profanity about you and Fisher Supply Company. I think the gist of the message was that she had no idea what was going on and she believed I was being duped and that her credit card information had been stolen. I believe she must have misunderstood what I was asking. (Too much line-dancing will do that to you.) Perhaps the pressures of being a chairman(?) were wearing on her. And yet, what was most troubling was that she never agreed to my dinner invitation. A true fan of cheese would never do that... it makes me wonder....
Nag
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