...oh wait! That's what I sell!
From: Michael Richards [mailto:rev.michael_rich@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 11, 2009 3:53 PM
To: poolfence@xxxxxxx.net
Subject: Order
On 6-11-09, Michael Rich wrote:
Hello Owner,
My name is Rev.Michael Rich and i am inquiring about some order of Pool Ladder and i will like to know if you do carry the following brands of Pool Ladder in your store below are the Pool Ladder sizes and brands;
A.Pool Ladder 52 inch
*For use with 52" (132cm) wall height pools
*Total Weight:25.80 lbs
B.Pool Ladder 48 inch
*For 48" or lower height pools.
*Weight:32.70 lbs
C.Pool Ladder 42 inch
*For 42" or lower height pools.
*Weight:25.20 lbs
Please if you do carry any of this Pool Ladder i will like you to email me the cost on it on how much it will cost me to buy it and if you don't have any of this Pool Ladder i will need you to e-mail me back with all the types of Pool Ladder you do carry in your store and if i may know what types of credit card do you accept as payment? I will be very happy to hear back from you with the prices and also the forms of payment you accept when it comes to credit card i will look forward for your reply shortly..
Regards...
Rev.Michael Rich
On 6-13-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Rev.,
I'm sorry to say that we do not carry Brands A, B, or C that you listed below. We do however carry Brands Q, R, S, and T.
Here in the USA, most people do not use ladders to enter their pools. We generally hire someone to either place us into the pool or to throw us into the pool. Ladders are for the poor.
Please let me know how you would like to proceed. I only export during the months of June and July. The rest of the year I spend training for the international yodeling contest, which this year is being held in Ghana.
And by the way, it pleases me to no end that I am finally dealing with a minister. I would say that 85% to 90% of my clients are Satanists. And while they pay very well, I feel uncomfortable when they insist on including me in their ungodly ceremonies.
Thorfinn Karlsefni
On 6-15-09, Michael Richards wrote:
Hello Thorfinn,
Thanks for the email but i will like you to know that i am mailing to order the pool ladders you have in stock for sale okay.But i will like you to go ahead and email me back with the models,brands you have in stock for sale and when emailing me i will like you to know that i want you to include the prices of the Q, R, S, and T.Do you accept credit cards as payment?I will be waiting to hear from you soon.
Regards...
Rev.Michael Rich
On 6-18-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi again Rev.,
Q costs $2.00
R costs $5.00
S costs $2.00
and
T costs $17.00
You should know that although $17 is the most expensive one, it is already husked.
The following are the bulk order prices:
Q come is lots of 40,000 and are shipped from our facility in Iceland
R come is lots of 9 and are shipped from our facility in Greenland
S come is lots of 5,000 and are shipped from our facility in Switzerland
T come is lots of 150,000 and are shipped from our facility in Neverland
We take all major credit cards and most minor ones.
We will need photo ID prior to receipt of the order and prior to receipt of the credit card information.
Please send photo of yourself on a bicycle.
Thorfinn Karlsefni
On 6-21-09, Michael Richards wrote:
Hello Thorfinn,
Thanks for the prices but i am so sorry to tell you that i am no longer in town and besides i do not have those kinds of pictures okay.And actually, i am much greatful for the prices.So i will now like you to know the quantities i am going to be needing,so i will now like you to go and ahead and email me back with the grand total cost for ordering 20 pieces each on the Q,R,S,and T.So i will now like you to get back to me with the grand total cost for ordering them including G.S.T only but without delivery because there is a freight company that will becoming to you to pick it up from you so i want you to get back to me with the grand total cost including tax only but without delivery okay.I will be waiting to read back from you asap.Please advice what types of payment do you accept?And do you accept credit cards as payment?I will be waiting to hear from you asap.
Kind Regards...
Rev.Michael Rich
On 6-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Rev.,
Q: 20 pieces x 2.00 = $40.00
R: 20 pieces x 5.00 = $100.00
S: 20 pieces x 2.00 = $40.00
T: 20 pieces x 17.00 = $340.00
The total for this order should be $520.00 but since you ordered them altogether there is an "Altogether Fee". This adds $75, bringing the total to $595.00. But I'll need to multiply this total by 125 for absolutely no reason whatsoever. This brings the total to $74,375.00.
However, because you are a man of the cloth I can give you a special discount of 50%, bringing the total to $37,187.50
An additional special discount of another 50% does not apply to you, but I can give you another completely different special discount of 50% which does apply to you and this brings the total to $18,593.75.
We have a $2.00 coupon on our website. Our website is still under construction so I've been doubling the coupons and giving them verbally, which means you get another $4.00 off. This brings your total to $18,589.75.
If you took $18,589.75 and multiplied it by 9 you'd be wasting your time, but I'm told many people do that. It does not, however, effect the price.
One of the taxes on this order is called a "Wind Tax" and is based on the wind speed. Today's wind speed is 22 mph. If I were you I'd wait until a very calm day. So let's assume that for you there is no tax.
There is, however, a Tex-Mex Tax, a wax tax, and a wet tux tax. (I don't write the tax rules.)
Combined, these taxes are 14% which brings your total to $21,192.32.
$21,192.32 is your GRAND TOTAL.
I'm glad to know that you'll be handling the shipping.
I accept all kinds of payment but my very favorite one is called "MONEY".
I'm sorry to hear that you cannot produce a photo of yourself. I'm sure it would have fit in well with my collection of "Ministers on Bicycles".
Thorfinn Karlsefni
On 6-21-09, Michael Richards wrote:
Hello Thorfinn,
Thanks for the quick feedback but i am so sorry to tell you that i wont be able to get that huge amount for now so i want us to our business with this two that is the Q.R.But also, i will prefer to order 5 pieces on the Q and R.So I will now like you to get back to me with the grand total cost including tax only.I will be waiting to hear from you asap.But do you these forms of payment?AMEX,VISA,MASTER CARD?I will be waiting to hear from you asap.
Regards...
Rev.Michael Rich
On 6-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Rev.,
I can see that you have your heart set on getting the full order at a fair price. I can also see that you are a tough negotiator.
Here's what I can do to help you out with the price:
Option #1. You can pay 1/3 of the $21,192.32 in cash and the remaining balance in sheep and goats. I believe 700 head would be fair.
Option #2. You can pay 1/3 of the $21,192.32 in cash and the remaining balance in prayers from both yourself and your congregation. You'll have to guarantee salvation of my immortal soul in writing and I must be able to count on absolution for all past and future sins.
Option #3. Our "Lay-Away Program". In this program you pay $85 per month for the next 249 months (or approximately 21 years). I would ship the material to you after the final payment.
Option #4. I can cut the price in half to $10,569.16 if you send me photos of yourself and 6 of your friends on bicycles.
Thorfinn Karlsefni
On 6-21-09, Michael Richards wrote:
Hello Thorfinn,
Well i told you that as at now i am not having that amount of money and i dont want to get into that with you because this is our first business so i will like us to proceed with the Q and R.After this one succeeds,then we can go on with the other ones.So i will like you to go ahead and email me back now with the total cost for ordering 5 pieces on the Q and R including tax only..I will be waiting to hear from you asap.But do you these forms of payment?AMEX,VISA,MASTER CARD?I will be waiting to hear from you asap.
Regards...
Rev.Michael Rich
On 6-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Rev.,
Wow! I've never had such a hard negotiator as you.
OK. I crunched the numbers, made some phone calls, and checked my stock. I broke 2 pencils and it took me 4 calculators and many tears but I was able to come up with the very best price I could. (PLEASE don't tell anybody about this absolutely fantastic deal I'm about to offer you. If I had to give this deal to everybody, I'd be out of business in a week.) My wife is going to kill me if she finds out about this, but I don't care.
OK then. For 20 each of Models Q, R, S, and T, including tax and NO PHOTOS, your price is $21,000 EVEN!!! That's a big savings to you of $192.32! THAT'S ALMOST $200! Money in your pocket!
No, Reverend, don't thank me. I should be thanking you. You've taught me a great lesson in the art of negotiating! You are indeed a deal-making genius! BRAVO!!
Well.... now that that's settled... Yes I take all of the credit cards you listed.
I look forward to receiving your order pronto.
Thank you again
Thorfinn Karlsefni
On 6-22-09, Michael Richards wrote:
Hello Thorfinn,
Thank you for the email well sir i just wanted you to know that I wanted to order 2 of them what will be the total cost include tax? let me know.
Regards....
Rev Michael Rich.
On 6-22-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Rev.,
Ok, I get it. You've been talking to the FBI.
Is it Agent Magumbo? He has it in for me. Ever since that avalanche. He has no idea what he's dealing with.
I AM NOT A SMUGGLER!! ...well, I'm not a professional smuggler. The ladders are, of course, real ladders. They work perfectly fine though they are a bit heavy - and for good reason. But how could I pass up an opportunity like this one. Getting this much xxxxxxxxx into Ghana? I could have made a small fortune. Anyone would be tempted.
So why didn't you play along? Why? You seemed wily enough. Aren't you a member? You used the password. I'm confused.
I'm probably looking at big time for this - 20 to 25 years.... if they catch me. And I don't want that to happen. I'd rather die. And I'm prepared for that too.
But YOU! You're the wild card. Are you Nestor? Carlos? Babar? I guess it doesn't matter, does it. Unless it's diamonds you're after. And then I guess you'd be ruthless. Just like the other Reverend.
Hah!
Keep this in mind, REVEREND MICHAEL RICH. Some of my friends are bakers and I think you know what that means.
$1,650.00 USD
Thorfinn Karlsefni
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