That's A Lot of BTUs!

...for 8 one-armed men

From: larrieson mark
Sent: Tuesday, July 21, 2009 2:15 AM
To: rita@xxxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Heater

On 7-21-09, Larrieson Mark wrote:
Hello Sir/Madam
I would like to make an Enquirer of a pool Heater . I Would like you to get back to me With The Quote on the Natural Gas 400,000 BTU Plus Tax i need 3 heater . Also advice If You Accept Credit Card As A form Of Payment So That I Can Arrange For The Payment Immediately. Looking to hear from you soon.....Thank You

On 7-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Larrieson,

Thank you for inquiring about our 400,000 BTU pool heaters. We are distributors for the finest 400,000 BTU pool heaters on planet Earth.

In order to fill your request we require the following information regarding your pool:

- Will you be using this pool heater to heat your pool? Yes or No?
- Is your pool a swimming pool? Yes or No?
- You said that you would need 3 pool heaters. If this is all for the same pool, would you be interested in our 1,200,000 BTU pool heater? Yes or No?
- (We also have a 5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 BTU pool heater which is currently being leased to the state of Utah to heat the Great Salt Lake. The lease is up in September in case you are interested.)

The pool heater we supply is called the "400,000 BTU Wyatt Earp Memorial Pool Heater".

The price is $5,500 plus tax plus shipping plus lunch.

We do accept credit cards.

Winfield T. Pooh, Esq.

On 7-21-09, Larrieson Mark wrote:
thank you very much for your time i will Yes i will use it to heat my pool no am Sending them to my hotel Yes am need the same pool heater i need a Pick up price for the Heater Please Advice

On 7-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Larrieson,

I assume that by "Pick up price" you are referring to the shipping and handling and lunch price (but not the tax).

I'll need to know the following information:

- What country will this be shipped to? Yes or No?
- Does your hotel have a swimming pool? Yes or No?
- Are there any local ordinances regarding the import of celery? Yes or No?

I await your final destination information, however I can tell you this much:
- Handling costs for this unit are $600 for 8 one-armed men or $350 for 4 two-armed men.
- Lunch is $5.95 per man regardless of the number of arms they have.

Please also forward me the name and address of the Hotel, and photos of pool.

Thank you.

Winfield T. Pooh, Esq.

On 7-21-09, Larrieson Mark wrote:
i need to buy your pool hear if you can give me a Price fine but i dont that time for that Question thank you

On 7-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Larrieson,

OK. I understand completely.

The Pick-up price is $7,575.95

Thank you.

Winfield T. Pooh, Esq.

On 7-21-09, Larrieson Mark wrote:
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR FOR THE COST FOR THE Heater ,I WILL LIKE YOU TO CONTACT THE FREIGHT COMPANY THAT WILL BE COMING TO PICK THE Heater,THEY ARE ISHIP GHANA EXPRESS SHIPPING COMPANY,THEIR EMAIL ADDRESS IS ishipghana@gmail.com JUST SEND THEM AN EMAIL WITH THE TOTAL WEIGHT ,YOUR LOCATION ADDRESS AND MY SHIPPING ADDRESS BELLOW SO THAT THEY CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH THE FREIGHT CHARGES SO THAT I CAN MAKE BOTH PAYMENT.

SHIPPING ADDRESS
51 BEACH ROAD
ACCRA ,TESHIE
GHANA ,00233

HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE FREIGHT CHARGES.

REGARDS

On 7-21-09, Vladdio wrote:
HI LARRIESON!

THIS IS SO GODDAMNED EXCITING I MIGHT JUST PUKE!!!!

I've been sitting on these crappy pool heaters for almost 2 years and have been looking for a sucker to unload then on and then YOU come along! Who'd've believed I could be this lucky!

Especially after the expiration date on the recall passed; I thought I'd have to take a big loss.

I'll try to clean them up a bit before they ship. They're kind of rusty and they're covered in bird shit, but I may even go out and buy a new broom and a wire brush just to make them look presentable. I think the raccoons that were living in them have left - or they may have died. The smell was worse back in March. In either case, I'll put some Air-Wick inside. If that doesn't work, I'll stick in a block of cheddar cheese. And if any parts are missing when you get them, please let us know. We all get such a laugh whenever one of our customers calls us about missing parts. Also I hope you're not sensitive about racial slurs. Some of the guys in the warehouse have been writing some nasty insults on the outer casing in permanent marker. Some of it is rusted off (or through) but some of it is still visible. ...say, isn't Ghana in West Africa anyway?

Oh, and by the way, never mind about your shipper. I decided to send it directly to the address you gave me. My shipper is a little more expensive than most, but at least they're not stupid. I have relatives in Burkina Faso and they tell me that Ghanans couldn't tell a turd from a chili pepper.

As soon as I get your payment information, then BOOM!, we're ready to go!

Thank you so so much!

Winfield T. Pooh, Esq.