What I Wouldn't Give To Be An Orphan

...just ask my old man.

From: charityhomecare charityhomecare [mailto:charity_home_care2004@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 16, 2008 12:38 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx@comcast.net
Subject: swimming poles safety fence

On 11-16-08, Juliet Mills wrote:
Hello
I want to order for swimming poles safety fence ....
Hope to hear from you soon...
Thanks

Juliet Mills

On 11-16-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Juliet,

My name is Vladdio.
Thank you for contacting me regarding our child safety pool fence.
I'm the local dealer for Life Saver Pool Fence.
Please contact me as soon as possible. (I don't have your phone number.)

Thanks.

Vladdio

On 11-17-08, Juliet Mills wrote:
Hello Vladdio

Thanks so much for the reply. How ever i own a charity home care organization which is based in West africa Ghana and am sorry am deaf i cant speak on the phone if u wont mind to call my secretary and talk to him on 00233240541105 also u cant let us continue the transaction via e mail .Hope to hear from you soon....

Thanks
Best Regards
Juliet Mills

On 11-17-09, Vladdio wrote:
Email works just fine for me.

I'll need to know how many feet of fence you need. Also a photo of the pool area would be very helpful.

Thanks

On 11-17-08, Juliet Mills wrote:
Hello Vladdio
The feet should be 8 feet tall and am sorry i cant provide the photo of the pool ...

Thanks

Best regards

On 11-17-09, Vladdio wrote:
Not a problem. This is relatively easy to calculate. Based on the detailed information you provided me I would say you would need our Model XJ-2600 Ramjet Starbuckle with sidesplitter aerlons and coolant module. You obviously won't need a defroster since I'll assume it's hot in Ghana. Access to the pool area will be by our luxury Model 56-5600 Entry delivery package which can enable 200 people per minute through the gate. I'm going to recommend the color red since you'll want to see it from distances more than 2 miles (sorry I can't convert that to meters). I also recommend the electrified early detection system for unwanted animals. Barbed wire in this case is unnecessary.

Including Fanorkin tax, gabacchi fees, and schlacton-frano fees, AND shipping and music the total from your end would be $108,475.15 US dollars. However since you are a charitable organization I can give you a reduced price of $108,470.85. If you prefer to pay in Euros, I can deduct another $20,000.64.

Please let me know how you'd like to proceed. I can have this delivered to you pronto.

Vladdio

On 11-18-08, Juliet Mills wrote:
Hello Vladdio
I asked my secretary to call you on the your and i hope he did his name is Dr. Abdel kadir... Hoping to hear from you soon...

Thanks
Best regards
Juliet Mills

On 11-18-09, Vladdio wrote:
Hi Juliet,

Dr. Abdel kadir has tried to contact me via phone several times today. There appears to be some difficulty with the language barrier. In order to continue I require the following:

- photos of the pool area, including the pools, the water, people in the pool, people out of the pool, the sky, the walkway around the pool. The photos should show the area from 4 or 7 separate angles

- the type of walkway. Is it concrete, wood, pavers, brick, tile, rope, dirt, grass, mulch, macadam, teflon? This is critical since it tells the installation application and whether or not there will be upcharges.

- availability of chisker

Please note that I've recently had a serious warehouse fire in which I lost all of my stock, half of my horses, 2 gallons of ice tea and my favorite hat. Also I just finished my 17th chemotherapy treatment. Also I am addicted to hallucinogens. Also I am right-handed.

Please tell me what kind payment you will be using. I require a 110% deposit.

If Dr. Kadir calls again the phone may be answered by my father, Blaster-a-go-go, He doesn't speak English very well and when he does, he pretends to be me. But he's not. I'm me and I will tell him that... but he might too. There's really nothing I can do about this. The phone has been accidentally glued to his hand about 4 years ago. I just hope he doesn't go swimming today or at least until after I get your deposit.

Vladdio

On 11-19-08, Juliet Mills wrote:
Hello Vladdio
Thanks so much ,But the only way i can pay this order is by my credit cards and you run all charges from the credit cards....and i hope you contacted the shipping agency i gave you ... Noble_shipping_agency@yahoo.com ...

Hope to hear from you soon...

Thanks
Best Regards
Juliet Mills

On 11-19-09, Vladdio wrote:
Dearest Juliet,

I've tried repeatedly to contact nobel_shipping_agency@yahoo.com but am receiving no response. What is their phone number? What is their address? Do they have any pets?

The package of material that you will be buying may get wet if it rains. Do you think the shipping company is concerned about getting their trucks wet? There's nothing I can do about this except maybe send along some towels. I'll do this but I'd have to charge you an additional $3,400 towel fee. Also - you probably already know this - The USA has very strict regulations on the export of towels. Can the shipping company provide towels?

I'm still waiting for the photos you promised me. I have a good friend who will frame some of the good ones, but he may charge me a framing fee of $35 each. How many photos do you think will require framing?

Also I'm keeping my father out of the pool until I hear from you. It's not that easy. He cries all the time.

I'm considering sending some "medical supplies" to Ghana. Can you recommend a good shipping company?

I enjoy hearing from you. I think we're growing closer, but unless you're willing to accept Jesus as your savior, I don't think we will ever to dance together.

Say hello to the orphans. I'm an orphan myself, so I know what they're going through. I know the fence will change their lives. And that's what's important, isn't it?

Vladdio

On 11-19-08, Juliet Mills wrote:
Hello Vladdio
Thanks so much for the mail .and thanks so much for helping me and the orphans and in jesus name we will be bless all together my regards to you father and we all pray together in jesus name Amen... But try to contact the shipping agency here is the e mail address again( NOBLE_SHIPPING_AGENCY@yahoo.com... but am still sorry i dont have a digital camera to get you the photos if you will forget about the photos i will be greatful and happy. and as soon as i give you my credit cards run all the charges and make sure you added the shipping cost after if you have spoke to them...

Hoping to hear from you in jesus name we all pray Amen...

God bless you fopr helping this orphans...

Juliet Mills

On 11-20-09, Vladdio wrote:
My dearest Juliet,

You'll have to forgive the delay in getting back to you. Something horrible is happening to me and my company and I'm trying desperately to deal with it. It is catastrophic and could result in me going to prison for many many years. Or even result in my torture, disfigurement, and even painful and slow death.

I'll get to that in a minute.

How are things in Ghana!? Hope you are well! You never told me what you look like. I imagine you as a tall elegant blond. Do you still have all of your teeth? In my dreams I see you milking the goats, whistling, singing Sex Pistols songs. I know you said you don't have a digital camera but if you could sketch yourself and send it to me I would truly appreciate it. How are the orphans? I'm guessing there to be about 9,000 of them there. Am I right? Do they know what a wonderful person you are? If you could sketch them too, I would like that.

...but to my problem...

I have recently been approached by an agent from the government. For the sake of security I am not going to use his real name. I will instead call him Mr. Poopypants. Mr. Poopypants came to my burned out ruined warehouse yesterday with news of my possible involvement in internet fraud. He claimed that I was dealing with a group of scam artists who were trying to take advantage of me so as to get money from me. Mr. Poopypants said that since I was a citizen of the USA and that since I was a tax-payer, I represent ALL US tax-payers. And if I was being scammed by overseas scam artists, then ALL US citizens would be effected. The crazy thing is: I never bought any scam art from anybody!!

He wanted to confiscate all of my computer equipment and all of my toys unless I cooperated. I had no choice. I gave him everything - almost. I did manage to hide 18,000 feet of fence.

Juliet, you have become a dear and patient friend to me. If I have to spend time in the government's torture chambers, I want to at least know that the orphans have a good fence. Therefore I wish to send all of the fence I have to you at no charge. I will even pay for the shipping. (By the way, I have tried again and again to contact your shipping company at noble_shitting_agency@yahoo.com and have never ever received a response. You might want to look into them. I think they may be a front.) Please let me know where I should send the fence. Don't concern yourself with the shipping, I will arrange everything. What is that address again?

If you don't hear from me again it will mean either that I am dead, or that my fingers are all broken, or that Mr. Poopypants have taken my computer. And if I am tied to the whipping post, know that I shout out your name with each flick of the lash - JULIET!! JULIET!! JULIET!! JULIET!! JULIET!! JULIET!! (I really hope they don't hit me more than 6 times).

Vladdio